To make it on Make Me a Supermodel, you gotta have balls.
Here we go! Niki's monotone monologue lets us know that beauty, talent, and ambition are what's going to decide who wins $100k and mad props from Bravo viewers across the country. She also tells us that each week, the judges will dangle three models over the chasm of elimination, only to be saved by your votes, America! I am sure you are just dying for the chance to save a poor gorgeous person from getting their feewings hurt.
Previously, Niki, Tyson and the rest of the gang selected twelve models, and then online voters selected Ben the prison guard and Katy the chubby girl (hey, they said, it, not me) to round out (get it, Katy?) the bunch. But when was this first vote? I don't remember Bravo publicizing it whatsoever. But I guess if it means we're rid of Igor, I can support it. Thanks, America!
Gay Porn Prison Guard
The opening credits, like everything else on this show, is set to creepy but forgettable music. It features the models in a Gozilla-like set up with the models looking as tall as skyscrapers amongst a cityscape. I guess the implication is that they're going to be huge. Katy's already got that taken care of. (I'm sorry! It's too easy!)
The competition officially starts with the models arriving in Times Square on January 4 at 7:00AM in 20 degree weather. The shrinkage factor could really work in Shannon's favor, but I have a feeling Beautiful Frankie is NOT going to be happy.
Niki says they're going to be stripping down the models to see what they're made of, at which point Beautiful Frankie gives the creepiest grin I've ever seen.
Everyone has a flaw.
They go right into their first challenge, which is a photo shoot. They'll be working with a tiny little British imp of a man named Lee Strickland. Lee tells us that the main thing we're selling is sex, fantasy and drama. Most people's sex fantasies usually start with a prison guard, a she-male, and a feminist anyway, so this should be a piece of cake.
The models go to the trailer for hair and makeup, and we find out through his name graphic that Dominic is actually a skimboarder! Not skin boarder. My previous offer still stands, sweetie. Call me. He has the first shoot, and looks totally stiff and awkward and uncomfortable- like he forgot to take the jacket off the hanger before he put it on.
Your posture is almost making me forget about your Hewie, Lewie and Dewey hair.
The imp says he's trying too hard, and I have to agree. Skimboarders/DJs ARE known for their drive and commitment to excellence, but he really needs to loosen up.
They put poor Ben in a hot pink scarf and pants, with a metallic silver jacket. Someone's getting beat up when he get back to prison!
So guys, I had some ideas for our new uniforms...
The imp blames Ben's lack of versatility on his crew cut. That's weird, because I blame it on his lack of natural talent and modeling experience.
Katy is next, and she says she was not the prettiest girl growing up. She isn't the prettiest girl now either, but who's counting?
They put her in a sleeveless dress and bright pink tights, and the imp says, "you're going to die
up there, darling." Way to get her psyched! She looks pretty good up there to me, but the imp is not as impressed. He offers up the backhanded compliment, "you could tell she was trying." Not succeeding, mind you, but trying. Thanks, imp.
Perry has a royal blue bandana/bib around his neck. And light blue tights. Sexy, summery fantasy, remember? The imp says he has a great look, and girls will love him. Then he calls him something unintelligible that sounds like mummyspennar? Muddy spinner? Money spender? I can't understand you, imp!
Apparently, this is what a mummyspennar does.
Perry's film does look great, but then he does a Zoolander impression and I'm instantly annoyed. You just know he's been pulling that shit since the first casting call. Get a new routine, buddy.
Beautiful Frankie is wearing a zippy cardigan and bright chartreuse shorts. He is also rocking the half-loop ponytail that we all did after gym class in 1997.
Please don't tell me this look is coming back.
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Comments (7)
Shannon is not REALLY a man. Her comment was just delivered poorly. EW.com said that after her comment she paused and commented that she's the most tomboyish girl ever or somthing to that effect...She was commenting that she's such a huge tomboy, not really a guy.
Enough with the "where are shannons twig and berries?" comments.
1 of 7 | Posted by serjen | Posted on January 15, 2008 6:38 AM
Agree with ^^^, Shannon is a woman. It was a passing comment that doesn't really deserve all the time your devoting in the recaps.
Please show all the final photos of the models, if you can. With a modeling show, the more screengrabs, the better.
Just some tips to keep these recaps interesting.
2 of 7 | Posted by margottenenbaum | Posted on January 15, 2008 7:55 AM
Thanks for the feedback, guys. I've been waivering back and forth on the Shannon thing for a while (obviously). I realize what she actually said during casting makes her sound more like a girl, as does her myspace page, but a colleague of mine insists she has an adams apple...so let's do a poll! What does everyone think, once and for all? And then I promise I'll never mention it again.
And Margot T - good idea on the photoshoot screengrabs. Consider it done (in the future).
3 of 7 | Posted by sparkles | Posted on January 15, 2008 10:52 AM
I love your girl boy confusion . . . don't people realize how these things go!?
I'm with you on BF too, I'm not buying that shit, and when you keep talking about how beautiful you are, aren't you inviting us to scrutinize this harshly, and possibly come up short in the hair off the face department . . . I'm just sayin'
Katy and hippy chick will be in the bottom until they go . . . and the tool with the heavy necklace can just go now . . . talk about lame!!!
Broken foot looks like a model that's already out there, is it my macy's catalouge . . .
Anyhoo, thanks for the snark, sparkles, and keep up the good work.
Seriously, I like your nicknames etc, it's still hard to remember who they all are, I was halfway thru before I remembered who Holly was . . . but I'm glad she won--and frankly Bravo, if her hairs that fug, give her some extentions!
4 of 7 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 15, 2008 1:21 PM
Great Recap, Sparkles! And I appreciated all of your Shannon comments -- I really thought she was a he and if that really was/is the case, I would expect a good portion of the recap to address this & have some fun with it!!
Just the possibility of having a man, dressed as a woman, compete in a reality show, as a woman, to become a Supermodel is too fantastic to pass up!! And I still think I saw a hint of an adam's apple though...oh, and he/she has no hips...AT ALL...which doesn't help!
Sneaky little editors -- they sure know how to keep us watching! Oh, and this comment is dedicated to Shannon, whatever you are!
5 of 7 | Posted by smolls | Posted on January 15, 2008 1:45 PM
Sparkles, I loved the half-loop ponytail comment! You are so right about that being huge in '97. I'd love to see more screencaps too, but overall I really liked your recap and look forward to reading more!
6 of 7 | Posted by BRaps | Posted on January 15, 2008 2:08 PM
smolls: This almost happened on ANTM. Claudia Charriez made it to the semi-finals, but they disqualified her. She came back and was on Janice's modeling agency show for a while during the first season.
7 of 7 | Posted by snootchy bootches | Posted on January 20, 2008 5:56 AM