Since last night's show was actually the third of the season, let me catch y'all up to date with what's happened so far. Basically, Diddy whittled his cast of skanks and ho's down to five lucky ladies who would soon become a girl band of some sort. The divas-in-training were the girls I mentioned before: Aubrey, Aundrea, Dawn, Shannon, and D. Woods (né Wanita -- yes, spelled like that). Apparently Wanita likes to go as D. Woods when she's performing as an artiste. Why? I don't know. It's a D. Mystery. All I gotta say is that Diddy made a D. Mistake when he D. Overlooked my favorite girl, Taquita. D. Nied!

Anyway, in the first episode of the season, the girls went home to visit friends and family, and then they hit the road, traveling down to New Orleans where they all got to see what was left of Dawn's neighborhood. Later, they dressed up in old-fashioned prison stripes and gave beads away at Mardi Gras. Oh, and Aubrey got really drunk at all these bars, causing the ever-mousy Aundrea to reel with giggly shock. In episode two, the girls met up with their old vocal coach -- you know, the guy who looks like Rowlf from The Muppets -- and of course, they trained with the Eva Braun of dance: Laurie Ann Gibson. A few BOOM CAT, BOOM CAT CATs later, the girls went off to sing at the NBA All-Star game -- or so I assume. I never actually finished watching the episode. I know -- not very diligent of me. But based on previous experiences, I'll predict that the rest of the episode featured Diddy shouting from his couch, Laurie locking the girls in a cage with a rabid possum, and the screen flashing any time anyone finished a complete sentence.

This week's episode opened up with the girls in New York City where they'd be living for the duration of the season. "I love New York!" Diddy suddenly proclaimed, adding, "New York gave birf to me!" Incidentally, New York also gave barf to Diddy too, but that's a whole other story. Anyway, Diddy was all excited to be working with the girls. They would be his masterpiece -- you know, like his other great contributions to pop culture: Dream and Da Band.

"These girls like a big, big, big clump of clay, and my name is Leonardo Da Vinci," Diddy then announced. He then retracted the statement as soon as he realized he couldn't actually sample any of Da Vinci's works. So much for "Mo' Vitruvian Man, Mo' Problems."