TVgasm Recaps

***Note from the Editor: Readers, you did an awesome job choosing your new recappers in this Summer's Auditiongasm. And now, for the first of your two winners from the final round, please give a warm round of applause for LoLo!!!

Welcome to Mission: Impossible, err, excuse me, Mission:Man Band, a show where four middle-aged former boy banders move in together and have three weeks to produce a trainwreck of a song before they sink back into alcoholism and humiliated obscurity! Vh1 has brought together Chris Kirkpatrick (*NSync), Rich Cronin (LFO), Jeff Timmons (98 Degrees), and Bryan Abrams (Color Me Badd) for this little experiment. What I want to know is where is the Backstreet Boys representation? According to Wikipedia they're planning on releasing a new album in October. So it's probably that, God help them. Or Howie D is holding out for Pedophile of Love.

I don't know about y'all but I've been grappling in the throes of anticipation all week with these burning questions: Will the Native American ritual help Chris Kirkpatrick gain the confidence to stop dressing so poorly that Mary-Kate Olsen is embarrassed for him? Will Rich Cronin get a closer look at Katie McNeil's fun bags before he gives up the ghost? Will Jeff Timmons ever snap out of his delusions of grandeur and realize that his "production studio" is an iMac in the spare bedroom of his parents' house? And exactly how many gallons of Jack Daniels does it take to get a man Bryan Abrams' size totally wasted? Answers to these questions and more on this installment of Mission: Man Band!

Trying waaaay too hard to look 25

Sorry about the late recap, guys. I just moved into a new place and it's been a crazy few days. I know you all have all been dying to know what happened on Mission: Man Band this week and in a nutshell the answer is: nothing! They practiced a song we never really got to hear, Chris lorded over Boozey about drinking, they went on a photo shoot, named themselves, and showed up at the Magic game for sound check. Enthralling. For those of you that want the gory details (or really hate your job), meet me after the jump!

Chris Kirkpatrick has enjoyed a positive reputation for years. He's always been the funny, sweet one from *NSYNC, and this personality has gotten him a lot more than his fair share of the hos. But now thanks to Mission: Man Band, Chris has been outed, and that positive reputation is shattered. Yep, Chris Kirkpatrick is a piece of shit.

Bring on the boos!

I hope everyone had a great, long Labor Day weekend! I spent mine watching my beloved Cubbies go down in defeat, and then came home and tortured, err, consoled myself with Mission: Man Band. This week the guys of Sureshot are shooting their first music video, and it's actually really good. It's nice to see them making such great strides towards a legitimate revival of their careers. Nah, I'm just playing, it's absolute crap, and I love watching them crash and burn. Come revel in their failure, dear friends!

Yes, that's a man wearing a unicorn costume holding a bottle of booze. No, that's not the worst part of their video.

This week, VH1 treated us Mission: Man Band fans to two episodes in one night! It's like Christmas has come early and I'm one very happy girl. I'm sure this decision was fueled by fan demand and the high ratings the show has gotten. VH1 just wants to finish season 1 as soon as possible so it can start airing season 2! Or... no one's watching this and reruns of Hogan Knows Best and Rock of Love pull in more money. It's anyone's guess.

What do you mean, it's over?!