***Note from the Editor: Readers, you did an awesome job choosing your new recappers in this Summer's Auditiongasm. And now, for the first of your two winners from the final round, please give a warm round of applause for LoLo!!!
Welcome to Mission: Impossible, err, excuse me, Mission:Man Band, a show where four middle-aged former boy banders move in together and have three weeks to produce a trainwreck of a song before they sink back into alcoholism and humiliated obscurity! Vh1 has brought together Chris Kirkpatrick (*NSync), Rich Cronin (LFO), Jeff Timmons (98 Degrees), and Bryan Abrams (Color Me Badd) for this little experiment. What I want to know is where is the Backstreet Boys representation? According to Wikipedia they're planning on releasing a new album in October. So it's probably that, God help them. Or Howie D is holding out for Pedophile of Love.
Chris has offered up his Orlando mansion for the men to live in during the course of this creative summit, and we start the show by checking in with him. He tells us that he's been doing nothing for a while now (you don't say...), and this opportunity has really lit a fire under his ass to do something with his life.
*NSync came to an end, he says, because Justin and J.C. wanted to work on their records (quick: name a J.C. Chasez song), Lance wanted to stop pretending to like gina, and Joey wanted to destroy any credibility he may have had in the music industry. Chris, on the other hand, wanted to let hot girls use him for his money and continue dressing like an ass clown. But now he's ready to be a serious musician. Translation: the hot chicks are starting to find him creepy and he needs his name out there again to buy him another 5 years of whoring.
The shit famous people can get away with...
Next we meet up with Rich at the airport gathering his luggage. He reminesces about that one week he was famous enough to have someone get his bags for him. Vh1 then cues up LFO's one and only real hit, "Summer Girls" aka "The Abercrombie & Fitch Song." And we wonder why this group didn't go anywhere?
The producers then throw us a nasty curveball: old footage of Rich is shown in black and white, slow-mowed, natch, and lettering informs us that "In March of 2005, Rich was diagnosed with luekemia." The only way to have made this more dramatic would be for James Earl Jones to do a voiceover.
I know he said Chinese food made him sick, but I didn't realize he meant it gave him cancer!
Rich tells us that his doctor gave him a "50/50 -- maybe" chance of survival. We then get footage of Rich receiving chemotherapy in Boston in 2005 that he must have been saving for E!'s LFO True Hollywood Story. After five rounds of chemo the cancer was still there until Rich finally had to get a stem cell transplant. Now finally healthy, he says he's excited to get back in the game and see if lightning strikes twice. Just no songs about Hollister, please.
Jeff is up next and immediately launches into insecure bullshit about how he's not banking on this group and this experience being his ride to success again, because he's SO busy with producing and writing and blah blah blah. I already can't stand this guy which is a shame because he's the hottie of the group.
He then tells us that the reason why he's doing the group is because it'll be "fun" which is really obnoxious after Chris and Rich (as well as Bryan) have expressed what seems to be sincere interest and dedication. Vh1 dusts off and plays some 98 Degrees video while telling us that the group had 11 Top 40 hits and went platinum several times. I'm calling shennanigans on those totals -- they must be including Europe and Asia. Twice.
Jeff says 98 Degrees ended because suddenly DJs weren't feeling the music, or they were making fun of the whole boy band thing -- along with the rest of America. There's only so much of this we can take:
"This sweater comes in handy cuz the steroids make me incontinent."
Jeff babbles more about his (lack of) accomplishments while showing us his studio-- which is in his parents' house I might add. Of course it is.
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Comments (11)
Great job LoLo!
I won't watch the show but I'll definitely look forward to your recaps!
"That was so touching I had a tear in my eye. Oh wait. Just lint, nevermind." hilarious.
1 of 11 | Posted by sweetblondie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 8, 2007 12:35 PM
Pretty good, LoLo. If I may make one suggestion (and this is a little nitpicky, I realize) but, well...you have A LOT of pictures going on, and not much text. Pictures are fun, but maybe you can flesh the text out a little?
Anyway, still good. As for the show...does anyone else find it so weird that a guy from Color Me Badd is there? While the other guys haven't been relevant for awhile, he hasn't been for a good 15 years. Seriously. Hire one of those girl-boys from Hanson or something.
Also, I know it's been awhile but whenever I look at Chris Kirkpatrick, I think: grown man with braces.
2 of 11 | Posted by Joe Blow![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 8, 2007 2:38 PM
'Singing for a manager: degrading, unacceptable. 6th grade Native American field trip: last one to the teepee is a rotten egg? Wtf?'
Hah! Awesome recap, LoLo! I'm hooked. I said it before and I'll say it again, Tvgasm is back on track with a fantastic group of new recappers. Thanks for the laughs.
3 of 11 | Posted by bdos88![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 8, 2007 7:24 PM
LoLo,
I thought this recap was great the way it was! Don't change a thing in my opinion - as long as it's funny (as yours truly was) just keep up the great work.
"I came prepared in case our next bonding activity's branding cattle at the O.K. Corral" was the best screencap.
I can't wait to see the episode where they're booed out of the arena they were singing in (it was shown in the season preview).
4 of 11 | Posted by Krizzatch![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 9, 2007 7:23 AM
I'll be watching the show AND reading the recaps. Great job!!
I am surprised that you didn't touch on the footage that went along with Jeff saying he spends a lot of time in his studio. That "studio" was a bunch of sound equipment at the end of a bed in a bedroom. That was some funny stuff.
Oh how I love me some bad tv!
5 of 11 | Posted by angie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 9, 2007 9:03 AM
I'll be watching the show AND reading the recaps. Great job!!
I am surprised that you didn't touch on the footage that went along with Jeff saying he spends a lot of time in his studio. That "studio" was a bunch of sound equipment at the end of a bed in a bedroom. That was some funny stuff.
Oh how I love me some bad tv!
6 of 11 | Posted by angie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 9, 2007 9:13 AM
Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your feedback -- both good and bad -- so keep it coming!
Haha Angie, I knew the studio was at his parents' house but I didn't realize it was in a bedroom! That's fantastic. I just assumed it was down in the basement, the domain of all self-respecting 30-something-year-old men living with their parents.
And Krizzatch, I too am looking forward to that episode but I'm also kind of dreading it as well... I admit I do have a soft spot for these guys (well not Jeff, he can suck it).
If anyone's interested, the group has a MySpace page where they have video blogs currently posted and I'm sure they will put their music up at some point too:
http://www.myspace.com/sureshotband
7 of 11 | Posted by LoLo![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 9, 2007 1:13 PM
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/14557282.html
fantastic gossip about Rich Cronin
8 of 11 | Posted by elle__p![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 11, 2007 9:04 PM
Great recap LoLo!
I caught the middle of this episode the other day and had no idea what it was about at first. I hadn't heard any hype about it beforehand which leads you to realize just how washed up these guys really are.
That Color Me Badd guy needs to give up the manicured bearage - it's just not a good look.
And I have NEVER seen the attraction of Chris Kirkpatrick. What a total tool.
I can almost understand their hesitancy to sing for the faux manager. I mean when you are already filming the reality show of your comeback it's a safe bet that you are going to have a manager with or without a singing audition.
Still - I loved that she made them grovel before her.
9 of 11 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 12, 2007 7:46 AM
Awesome recap. I was tearing up I was laughing so hard.
"However she conceeds that since they've sold over 40 million records amongst them, they must not be the talentless morons she took them for." More than half of that has to go to Chris (or, more accurately, Justin and JC ;) ). I mean, how many records could LFO have sold?
Here's a fun piece of pointless trivia: Rich's brother Mike managed O-Town.
Can't wait for your recap of last night's show!
10 of 11 | Posted by kristin_d_l![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 14, 2007 1:01 PM
I did not watch this show yet, but the recap is hilarious! I remember Chris from N*Sync and those hideous braids he used to have. Thank God he got rid of them.
Best part of the recap was the "I know he said Chinese food makes him sick, I didn't realize it gave him cancer" comment. I may go to hell for it, but I laughed for a good five minutes.
11 of 11 | Posted by dmbislove![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/shows/nav-commenters.gif)
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Posted on August 15, 2007 8:48 AM