Chris switches from abusive shit-stirrer mode to magnanimous prick mode (really, it's a fine line), and spreads his arms wide, announcing, "You did something there that just blew me away. All you did was say 'I'm sorry' and that's all we want!" KM tells the guys to focus on the positives, and know that she has their best interests at heart. Rich says that's all he needed to hear, and Jeff thanks her for taking the time to meet with them and listen. Jeff teases Bryan to let someone else get in a word in next time, and Bryan smiles bashfully. Wow, Timmons. Two episodes without self-important whining, and now a semi-funny joke to boot? I can officially start doodling Mrs. Jeff Timmons on my TrapperKeeper.
Later that morning, we briefly see Bryan working out with Kristia, his personal trainer. Bryan has lost 8 pounds, which is great but really boring, so moving on.
It's now 1 p.m. and KM is back to announce that the guys are going to shoot their first music video! Everyone looks excited as she explains that she has a director lined up, but then she tells them to think more "Youtube" than "MTV" when making this video. This of course is a euphemism for VH1 doesn't want to waste its money on this piece of crap, so unless you got some elliptical or balance ball dance routines up your sleeves, good luck.
Rich, who came up with such brilliant band names as "Unstable" and "STEREO(type)", suggests that the video should be people throwing tomatoes at Sureshot because they hate boy banders. This is actually decently received by the others, and Rich says that they should diffuse the corny by being as corny as possible. Yet another word that Rich apparently doesn't understand. He should really hook up with Amber, just to keep such idiocy contained to one bloodline.
Ruh-roh! Jeff must not have gotten the Matching Shirts Day memo
The next day, Chris tells us that they're going to do a funny video instead of a serious one, because if they make fun of themselves first, it won't be as fun for other people to make fun of them. Nice try, B. Rabbit, but you guys have given us way more material than you can "diffuse" in a three minute video. The guys brainstorm some more, and between the cricket chirping they come up with throwing bologna at people, wizards, and wearing bunny costumes and top hats. Uh... huh.
Rich tells us that if things go right, they're going to make the greatest video of all time, they will have caught the most important images on video ever, and the world will be better place. I think he's joking, but he says this so deadpanned - and he's so stupid - that who knows. It could go either way. He then asks the other guys what the video will have to do with the song, and Chris says nothing, and Rich thinks that's good. I agree that some of the best music videos have nothing to do with the song they're for, but none of them involved throwing bologna at the artists.
Chris and Rich then go out to buy costumes for the shoot, since they're the "opposite of geniuses" behind the project. I think that would be called "dumbasses", Chris. They arrive at the costume shop, which has a horrible, scary clown outside. I fucking hate clowns. My Brownie troupe went to a haunted house one year, and there was some d-bag in there dressed up as It. He moved as if he was going to grab me, and I took off screaming, literally knocking over several people as I ran for the door. It was every Brownie for herself, sisterhood be damned. Let's just say I didn't earn that "Loyalty" badge that year.
So the guys get past the clown without being disemboweled, and start trying on costumes. Cue the tired montage of them acting zany! After a few minutes of filler footage, the guys decide on the following: Chris will be a Viking, Jeff will be Elvis, Bryan will be the Little Caesar's guy, umm I mean Nero, and Rich will make Abraham Lincoln roll over in his grave a few times. These costumes will fit in perfectly with their tomato-bologna-wizard-bunny-top hat premise.
Pizza! Pizza!
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Comments (4)
How funny is it that Chris is doing this reality crap, while Justin is doing HBO concerts on Labor Day at Madison Square Garden? And notice that he NEVER brings on any of his old bandmates like say..Beyonce does. Chris better manage his money wisely is all I'm saying...
1 of 4 | Posted by BlahBlah
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Posted on September 6, 2007 8:13 AM
I'm pretty much the biggest loser for checking this, but the video is on VH1 VSpot. And you're right. It's the worst thing on the planet.
I can't watch the show, but it's too painful, but I LOVE your recaps. They are hilarious....and incredibly sad at the same time.
2 of 4 | Posted by Remy11
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Posted on September 6, 2007 2:19 PM
Here's a the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqUjvIw0-EY
Never seen the show, but I'm addicted to TVGasm recaps!
I actually kinda liked the video ... it was stupid, but it was supposed to be stupid, so therefore it succeeded.
3 of 4 | Posted by Jocelyn
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Posted on September 6, 2007 4:46 PM
"He moved as if he was going to grab me, and I took off screaming, literally knocking over several people as I ran for the door. It was every Brownie for herself, sisterhood be damned. Let's just say I didn't earn that "Loyalty" badge that year."
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LoLo, that's just one example of a recap that had me howling with laughter. Thank you! I don't watch this show but thanks to your excellent recaps there is no need to.
4 of 4 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on September 7, 2007 4:49 PM