At the shoot, we see this video is even worse than imagined. The final storyline is that they're all boy banders, and everyone hates them and throws tomatoes at them. KM, standing off-camera, is one of the tomato-tossers (well that sounded unintentionally raunchy, now didn't it?), and she is clearly enjoying pelting these idiots with the nasty things (after clowns, tomatoes come in number two on my hate list. It's one of my many issues). The main heckler of the boy banders is a wizard, and the wizard starts chasing them all over the place, trying to turn them into anything but boy banders. Like, I dunno, a Viking, or Elvis, or Nero, or Abe Lincoln. See it all fits! Well, except the bologna. And the top hat wearing rabbits. But close enough.
Chris tells us that the point of the video was for him and Rich to try to make each other laugh as much as possible, which sounds like a surefire recipe for commercial success. Of any of them, Chris should know best what works and what doesn't, so this is yet again him not giving a shit about the outcome of this project whereas the other guys do have something at stake and will pay the price. Chris even says to the guys that he thinks that the video will only be funny to them, and they all laugh. Morons. Utter morons. I wonder if Bryan will still be laughing the next time he collects welfare. Poverty always cracks me up, how 'bout you?
Rich tells us that he looked exactly like Abe Lincoln, his face looked the same (which from the pictures I've seen is not something worth bragging about, sorry Mr. President), his height looked the same, and his honesty looked the same. Oh Rich, honey, it'd be best for you not to talk and just stand there and try not to look puffy, mmkay?
Merlin, Nero, and Abe, chillin' like villains in purgatory.
Rich doesn't heed my advice, and plows on with this gem: making this video was the greatest day of his life, and one day he might have a child, and that'll be... the second best day of his life. It's not like he said this spur-of-the-moment, "This is the greatest day of my life, woo hoo!" No, he sat there and looked at the camera and thought it out carefully: 1- music video. 2- birth of first child. Poor Baby Cronin. Stupid and unloved.
Speaking of babies - surprisingly I don't mean either Chris or Jeff - Bryan's wife and little girl have arrived Chez Kirkpatrick to spend some time with daddy. Jeff comes up to greet Kim, and they exchange a very awkward hug and peck on the cheek. Jeff tells us that he doesn't think Kim likes him that much because when he and Bryan were on the road together there were some problems. When were 98 degrees and Color Me Badd on the road together? I can't believe I missed the Worst Tour Ever (soon to be usurped by Britney: The Comeback). I guess the better question is what are these mysterious problems Jeff refers to? Drinking? Possibly. We don't see Jeff drink much on the show, but he did get a DUI last year (there's a lovely mug shot on Wikipedia if you're interested). Dude, figuring this out is way more interesting than the actual show. I'm going to guess it involves strippers, crack rocks and little people, not necessarily in that order.
All we do find out about this little love triangle is that Jeff thinks Kim thinks Jeff judges Bryan too much, and he thinks Kim doesn't think Jeff supports Bryan enough. In other news, Chris thinks Jeff thinks that Bryan thinks that Rich thinks Chris is a tool. And they're all right. Jeff stands around awkwardly and tells Kim that Bryan is doing well, and she should be proud, but she's still too miffed about this to really respond. (the following video is slightly NSFW): click here to watch!
The next morning, KM is back to bring the guys a choreographer for their show at Mansion, as well as some dancers for them to audition and cast in their show. Chris screams "I LIKE IT" and starts positioning himself on the couch. KM and the choreographer (whose name I didn't even catch, he was so blah) quickly clarify that the casting will take place downstairs in Jeannie's Bottle and not on Chris's lap. There is a collective sigh of relief from the ladies waiting in the hall.
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Comments (4)
How funny is it that Chris is doing this reality crap, while Justin is doing HBO concerts on Labor Day at Madison Square Garden? And notice that he NEVER brings on any of his old bandmates like say..Beyonce does. Chris better manage his money wisely is all I'm saying...
1 of 4 | Posted by BlahBlah
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Posted on September 6, 2007 8:13 AM
I'm pretty much the biggest loser for checking this, but the video is on VH1 VSpot. And you're right. It's the worst thing on the planet.
I can't watch the show, but it's too painful, but I LOVE your recaps. They are hilarious....and incredibly sad at the same time.
2 of 4 | Posted by Remy11
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Posted on September 6, 2007 2:19 PM
Here's a the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqUjvIw0-EY
Never seen the show, but I'm addicted to TVGasm recaps!
I actually kinda liked the video ... it was stupid, but it was supposed to be stupid, so therefore it succeeded.
3 of 4 | Posted by Jocelyn
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Posted on September 6, 2007 4:46 PM
"He moved as if he was going to grab me, and I took off screaming, literally knocking over several people as I ran for the door. It was every Brownie for herself, sisterhood be damned. Let's just say I didn't earn that "Loyalty" badge that year."
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LoLo, that's just one example of a recap that had me howling with laughter. Thank you! I don't watch this show but thanks to your excellent recaps there is no need to.
4 of 4 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on September 7, 2007 4:49 PM