Rich tells us he thinks Bryan's an idiot, because he decided to have his wife come the day they're having 14 really hot girls with big boobs, nice buns, and slutty clothes rolling through the house. I actually think this was smart of Bryan, since the wife is the ultimate cock-blocker. Seeing as though he's already been divorced twice, he probably needs all the blocking he can get.
Turns out Bryan evidently has a little bit in common with Ross Gellar. No, none of his ex-wives are lesbians (to my knowledge...), but it looks like his "thing" is to get divorced. He does his best to pave the way to number three by telling us this situation must be pretty threatening to Kim, walking into a room full of young, pretty women. You just called your wife old and ugly, dude. As Phoebe would say, you love divorce so much you're going to marry it, and then divorce it, Divorcing Guy.
Chris agrees that there could be some jealousy unless you're a really confident woman. As he says this, we get alternating shots of limber dancer girls stretching on the floor, and Kim huddled upstairs with the baby, peering down nervously. I can't say I blame her. What woman wouldn't be insecure around a bunch of girls with abs of steel who can put their legs behind their ears on command?
The guys head downstairs for the auditions, and Chris acts like a 13-year-old virgin who just found "Pants Off Dance Off" for the first time. He's drooling, screaming that the girls are making his head hurt (um, ew), shouting that this was such a great idea, looking upward and thanking God, the works. It's just really gross. You can practically see the moment he needs a clean pair of pants. Not like this justifies his reaction, but this "audition" is obviously fake, the girls having been told to act as sexy as possible. Basically, they're all gyrating on the stage, lying on the floor, opening their legs, etc. It's all boring and contrived, broken up by various comments and grunts by Chris that turn my stomach more than what he usually says does.
Dude, take care of that in private.
Bryan and Jeff are acting pretty professional so far, and while Rich has a shit-eating grin on his face, at least he's keeping his comments to himself for the most part. One thing he does say: "This is the second best day of my life!" Ouch, and Baby Cronin takes another hit! I wonder where on Rich's best day list Baby Cronin will eventually wind up. I'm guessing somewhere below the 2-for-1 dinner special at Old County Buffet, and somewhere slightly above the day-long marathon of Rob Schneider films on TBS.
The guys debate and decide upon a few of the Pussycats. Jeff tells us that while the guys had a good time, they tried to do it with as much class as they could. I actually am surprised with how well he and Bryan handled themselves consider- yeah. Never mind.
The epitome of class
We intrude on Bryan and Kim in the middle of a spat. Bryan tells us that he thought Kim would handle being compared to actual young, pretty females better than she did, and instead she was waiting upstairs boiling. For the record, I think Kim is a cute woman, especially considering she has an infant daughter and she's pregnant with number 2. From what we hear of the fight, it sounds like Kim is just saying that she didn't come all the way to Orlando to be cooped up in Chris's house and for Bryan to be too busy to spend any time with her. VH1, intent on spinning this as a jealousy-based fight, has the guys all comment on the situation.
Rich tells us that Bryan could use more support, and less guilt. Jeff informs us that it's very hard for people not in the business to be with someone who is in the business, because it feels like the temptations and the success are going to change them and take them away from them. Can ya tell Jeff is divorced himself? You can practically hear him screaming his ex's name in his head during that rant. He goes on to say that Bryan loves Kim, and the only thing that'll drive Bryan away from Kim is Kim, and her lack of support, lack of faith and negative vibe. Passive aggression at its finest, gasmii!
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Comments (4)
How funny is it that Chris is doing this reality crap, while Justin is doing HBO concerts on Labor Day at Madison Square Garden? And notice that he NEVER brings on any of his old bandmates like say..Beyonce does. Chris better manage his money wisely is all I'm saying...
1 of 4 | Posted by BlahBlah
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Posted on September 6, 2007 8:13 AM
I'm pretty much the biggest loser for checking this, but the video is on VH1 VSpot. And you're right. It's the worst thing on the planet.
I can't watch the show, but it's too painful, but I LOVE your recaps. They are hilarious....and incredibly sad at the same time.
2 of 4 | Posted by Remy11
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Posted on September 6, 2007 2:19 PM
Here's a the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqUjvIw0-EY
Never seen the show, but I'm addicted to TVGasm recaps!
I actually kinda liked the video ... it was stupid, but it was supposed to be stupid, so therefore it succeeded.
3 of 4 | Posted by Jocelyn
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Posted on September 6, 2007 4:46 PM
"He moved as if he was going to grab me, and I took off screaming, literally knocking over several people as I ran for the door. It was every Brownie for herself, sisterhood be damned. Let's just say I didn't earn that "Loyalty" badge that year."
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LoLo, that's just one example of a recap that had me howling with laughter. Thank you! I don't watch this show but thanks to your excellent recaps there is no need to.
4 of 4 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on September 7, 2007 4:49 PM