After some lame opening credits (where we don't even get to hear the guys singing- guess VH1 doesn't want to send us galloping for the hills just yet), we get an exterior shot of Chez Kirkpatrick at 7 a.m. Katie McNeil tells us that Bryan has challenged himself to lose 20 pounds, and to help, KM has hired him a personal trainer. Challenged himself, my ass. Bryan's physique doesn't exactly scream "dedicated to fitness" you know.

The personal trainer's name is Kristia and at first glance she's totally hot until you notice the gorilla arms on this woman. They're seriously thicker than her neck and scare the crap out of me. She drags Bryan to the gym, weighs him in at a cool 300 pounds and starts putting him through the Shaq's Big Challenge paces. Bryan tells us that he wants to lose the weight because he wants to be taken seriously in the music industry. Losing weight will definitely help, but honestly Bryan, step one was don't be in a fucking Man Band.

She could crack walnuts with her armpits

After a montage of Bryan struggling through the workout, Kristia asks him how he's feeling. Bryan wheezes out that he feels good while clutching his chest and flexing the fingers of his left hand. Kristia tells him that he won't see the "Bad Lady" come out for a few more days, and then giggles in a creepy way. I'm guessing the tree trunks attached to her shoulders are just an early warning sign.

Bryan goes and hangs out with the rest of the guys after his workout, and Chris tells him he was like "holy balls" when he realized Bryan had already completed a workout when Chris woke up at 8:30 a.m. KM should really consider throwing Chris to the Bad Lady as well because while Bryan just kind of looks like a ball with a head, arms, and legs, Chris is all saggy and pasty from hiding in his mansion playing with his *NSYNC puppets for the past five years. Oh, and by the way I've made it my personal goal to work the phrase "holy balls" into as many conversations as I can for the next week. My end of summer review with my boss is Friday- I'll keep y'all posted on how that conversation goes.

Chris then decides to wax poetic for the recovering alcoholic about a shot of Jack Daniels he took last night. This is not cool on two levels - first, it's just sad that Chris's highlight of the evening is taking a shot of not even particularly good whiskey, and second, Bryan is a recovering alcoholic, you asshole. What's on your calendar after this, Chris? Eating a juicy steak in front of people waiting in line at the soup kitchen?

Dude, you should try a liquid diet.

Chris tells us that he knows Bryan has an alcohol problem but Bryan's not going to let anyone bully him. Therefore Chris is comfortable with shoving his drinking in Bryan's face to see just how long it will take for Bryan to break. Seriously, what crawled up Kirkpatrick's ass and died? Frankly I don't want to know about those long nights on the road in the *NSYNC tour bus, but he may wanna get that checked out.

Bryan tells Chris that he's gone for so long without drinking (about 2 months actually) and has passed up so many opportunities to drink that he feels good about it, and it doesn't bother him if the other Man Banders drink. Bryan appears to actually believe what he's saying but then admits that there's always going to be that demon around the corner. Or standing across from you this very instant.

« Recap: The Hills: If A Speidi Gets Engaged And No One Films It, Did It Even Happen? | | Recap: Hell's Kitchen: Surprise of the Century! »

Posted in Man Band by LoLo at 12:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: bdos88 on Aug 18, 2007 07:42 PM.

Comments (7)

Joe Blow :

Good recap!

1 of 7 | Posted by Joe Blow | Posted on August 16, 2007 1:11 PM

sarah :

i've never even heard of this show but after reading your recap i definitely need to tune in. you should write the hills recap. you're much funnier than that other girl!!

2 of 7 | Posted by sarah | Posted on August 16, 2007 1:59 PM

Krizzatch :

Woot LoLo!

"I can't fight the way she makes me feel/Crazy bout her sex appeal/Troubled/By the/Fact that/She don't/Even/Know bout/Half of what she's got/Noooo."
Oh sweet Jesus. Honestly, it was like going back in a time machine listening to Boozey. I was a huuuuge Color Me Badd fan.

I cannot WAIT for the boo-fest next week. I can't imagine having 20,000 people boo you and not shooting myself in the head. Look at Milli. Or was it Vanilli?

This plane is going down... the question is, when to hit the eject button?

3 of 7 | Posted by Krizzatch | Posted on August 16, 2007 2:43 PM

Krizzatch :

Woot LoLo!

"I can't fight the way she makes me feel/Crazy bout her sex appeal/Troubled/By the/Fact that/She don't/Even/Know bout/Half of what she's got/Noooo."
Oh sweet Jesus. Honestly, it was like going back in a time machine listening to Boozey. I was a huuuuge Color Me Badd fan.

I cannot WAIT for the boo-fest next week. I can't imagine having 20,000 people boo you and not shooting myself in the head. Look at Milli. Or was it Vanilli?

This plane is going down... the question is, when to hit the eject button?

4 of 7 | Posted by Krizzatch | Posted on August 16, 2007 2:45 PM

kristin_d_l :

Nice recap, Lolo. You're quickly becoming my favorite recapper.

I totally didn't get the whole "dictaphone" thing. Do they really have that little material that they had to spend THAT much time talking about Brian calling it a dictaphone? Also, for the record, we call them dictaphones at my office. Granted, we're a bunch of boring, stuffy lawyers, but I knew exactly what he was talking about.

5 of 7 | Posted by kristin_d_l | Posted on August 18, 2007 7:32 AM

MichyPR :

I hated Chris when he was in N'Sync and after reading this recap I hate him even more. What an ass! Anyways, great recap :)

6 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on August 18, 2007 8:26 AM

bdos88 :

Thank you for this awesome recap. I really needed to laugh and this totally did it for me. Chris seems like a total jerk. Oh, and Jeff's delusions about his standing in the music industry are truly hilarious.

7 of 7 | Posted by bdos88 | Posted on August 18, 2007 7:42 PM

User Name		Need to Register with our Forums section? Then click here
Password

Back to Recaps

Post a comment

334