Hi Gasmii--

First, thanks to Msjaqmills, bingo boy and uglycutiefor their very flattering and enjoyable comments last week. God bless you for reading and keep 'em coming! When The CW gives you lemons, all you can do is make spiteful, derisive recaps lemonade. This show needs a major transfusion of twisted, but let's dispense with the constructive criticism and piss out a pitcher!

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 12:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hi Gasmii--

In case you haven't yet experienced the fabulously toxic stylings of 'Gasm recap artist Twunty McSlore, hop directly onto the Real Housewives of Orange County page as soon as we're done here. Homegurrrl has taken over with a vengeance and her acid observations will definitely spike your enjoyment of Bravo's most celebrated trainwreck franchise. And feel free to make a comment about the show, or Twunty's hilarious references (Cheryl Ladd!), or... me!

Yeah, me. A Gasmi by the name of Uglycutie recently commented on there about my "meltdown" during the Reunion episodes of my last Gas-signment, Real Housewives of Atlanta and cited the lack of comments on this blog as proof that I'm now as welcome as a pubic hair in the paella. For the record, someone accused me of phoning in my Reunion recaps and I bit back like the feisty Latina I am. This somehow led to a shocking display of solidarity amongst a small clique of humorless lame-asses sensitive Gasmii who might be better off at a less sarcastic site, like RyanSeacrest.com. A big fat GRACIAS to Gasmi Renata for her wise words and sweet sentiments-- I'm not being sarcastic here: Renata, we love you!

I prefer to think that the reason there aren't more comments may have something to do with Melrose Place's unique ability to sap one's will to live. If the show featured more psychotic defensive evil whores like myself, perhaps the ratings might improve!

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 5:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Hi Gasmii--

In case you haven't yet experienced the fabulously toxic stylings of 'Gasm recap artist Twunty McSlore, hop directly onto the Real Housewives of Orange County page as soon as we're done here. Homegurrrl has taken over with a vengeance and her acid observations will definitely spike your enjoyment of Bravo's most celebrated trainwreck franchise. And feel free to make a comment about the show, or Twunty's hilarious references (Cheryl Ladd!), or... me!

Yeah, me. A Gasmi by the name of Uglycutie recently commented on there about my "meltdown" during the Reunion episodes of my last Gas-signment, Real Housewives of Atlanta and cited the lack of comments on this blog as proof that I'm now as welcome as a pubic hair in the paella. For the record, someone accused me of phoning in my Reunion recaps and I bit back like the feisty Latina I am. This somehow led to a shocking display of solidarity amongst a small clique of humorless lame-asses sensitive Gasmii who might be better off at a less sarcastic site, like RyanSeacrest.com. A big fat GRACIAS to Gasmi Renata for her wise words and sweet sentiments-- I'm not being sarcastic here: Renata, we love you!

I prefer to think that the reason there aren't more comments may have something to do with Melrose Place's unique ability to sap one's will to live. If the show featured more psychotic defensive evil whores like myself, perhaps the ratings might improve!

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hi Gasmii--

If you've watched three minutes of anything on The CW in the last month, you know this is the MP episode featuring 90's vixen Heather Locklear reprising her camp-classic role as villainous blonde Amanda Woodward. Having never seen the original series, I can't wax nostalgic for her, but at least the character has a little edge and gets to do lots of scenes with break-out star Katie Cassidy, who should do very well as Amanda's protegee/nemesis.

The bad news? The show's still pretty tired. Things heat up a little in the last quarter, but we have to trudge through endless minutes of the super-not-exciting murder mystery, which heavily involves two characters played by actors who have already been fired, seriously pushing the whole thing ever further into who-gives-a-shit territory. Come on, people-- crafting a deliciously twisted soap should not be this difficult! Bring Leia in for a meeting and she'll lay it out for you.

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hi Gasmii--

In case you haven't yet experienced the fabulously toxic stylings of 'Gasm recap artist Twunty McSlore, hop directly onto the Real Housewives of Orange County page as soon as we're done here. Homegurrrl has taken over with a vengeance and her acid observations will definitely spike your enjoyment of Bravo's most celebrated trainwreck franchise. And feel free to make a comment about the show, or Twunty's hilarious references (Cheryl Ladd!), or... me!

Yeah, me. A Gasmi by the name of Uglycutie recently commented on there about my "meltdown" during the Reunion episodes of my last Gas-signment, Real Housewives of Atlanta and cited the lack of comments on this blog as proof that I'm now as welcome as a pubic hair in the paella. For the record, someone accused me of phoning in my Reunion recaps and I bit back like the feisty Latina I am. This somehow led to a shocking display of solidarity amongst a small clique of humorless lame-asses sensitive Gasmii who might be better off at a less sarcastic site, like RyanSeacrest.com. A big fat GRACIAS to Gasmi Renata for her wise words and sweet sentiments-- I'm not being sarcastic here: Renata, we love you!

I prefer to think that the reason there aren't more comments may have something to do with Melrose Place's unique ability to sap one's will to live. If the show featured more psychotic defensive evil whores like myself, perhaps the ratings might improve!

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 7:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hi Gasmii--

Well, its official-- the drama generated by my Real Housewives of Atlanta recap artistry is way juicier than 98% of what's going on at Melrose Place. I don't wanna bore you with THAT recap, so let's just say feelings were hurt, threats were made, and whiny little bitches were out in full force. (Not you, chickadee2586. We cool.) Gasmi Renata was spunky enough to come to my defense, pointing out for a website dedicated to snark, sarcasm and irreverence, an alarming minority of readers seem to have no sense of humor. At all.

That's why you, MP Gasmii, to put it in Smiley's terms, are my good class. My post-lunch study hall. You come in, you read quietly, you cause absolutely no trouble. It's true sometimes I'm in the mood for more chit-chat, particularly when I've had an Appalachian Speedball-- Diet Mountain Dew and two Xanaxes-- but you certainly don't think I'm a lazy, defensive, racist, psychotic evil bitch. Or if you do, you're kind enough to keep it to yourselves.

In case you have a life, Ashlee Simpson & Angrie have been fired and will be written out very soon. Start those online petitions now! Here are some pictures that make last week's MP look much more appetizing than it actually was:

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 2:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hola Gasmii--

Heather Locklear's coming to Melrose Place! That'll definitely get those Gossip Girl and Vampire Diaries fans to start tuning in! They're also getting rid of two series regulars and incredibly one of them isn't Bad Pitt. None of this is happening for at least a week, so don't get all excited. Not like you were planning to.

I could go on and on about how to spice this show up, but my Real Housewives of Atlanta feud with passive-agressive Gasmi chickadee 2586 has sapped my will to live. Read all about it over on that blog when this one saps yours.

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 12:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hi Gasmii-- Let me begin by thanking you for all the sweet comments proving I am not doing this blog merely to entertain Flipit-- not that that isn't a perfectly appropriate goal unto itself.

All I can say is I wish the show was juicier, more fun and had more interesting actors & characters. At least it's better than Desperate Housewives, right? Then again, what isn't? Oh, that's right. The new 90210.

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 8:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Hi Gasmii---

Is this thing on??? Seriously, is ANYONE besides my mother reading this blog? Look how awesome last week was:

But seriously. We should have a contest to make up an episode synopsis based on the strip of pix above. Maybe we could do it each week and there could even be prizes. What do you think, Flipit? Oh, wait, you're not reading these either. At this point, I'd be happy to get spammed by that dating-site retard Icemayer. I'm kidding. Don't spam me, shitbird, or you won't need a Tall Partner because I will break you in half.

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 8:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Hello Gasmii--

I have to say this episode is a marked improvement over the past couple of weeks. There's still the same basic problems: depending too much on flashbacks that are more interesting than what's going on in the present (i.e. a big waste of Laura Leighton), and with the exception of Cru-Ella, Whoren and Junoh, dull characters played with a disheartening lack of charisma. But Katie Cassidy makes a great lovable bitch and she definitely has chemistry with the adorable Michael Rady, and the call-girl storyline is trashily compelling fun, especially with Kelly Carlson now pulling the strings.

Get Nick Gonzalez's clothes off and tonight's rating of B- could inch its way north to B+ by sweeps.

Posted by Leia LaBiblia at 3:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)