Bad Pitt drives up to a swanky Hancock Park villa and hops out of his Porsche. We see he's wearing black gloves. Looks like more cat-burgling for our narcolepsy-inducing ne'er-do-well!

Cru-Ella gets a text message from Gay Diva Boss Caleb: "DISASTER on video shoot. Where are you?!" "Motherf--!" Cru bleats, barely snarling good morning to her roommate, Dr Whoren. Cru stomps off in her heels as Whoren stares at a form from "ULA Medical Center" titled "Application for Rotating Physician Assistant Students". I know she's broke, but downgrading from M.D. to Physician's Assistant seems a little drastic.

BP goes through the lavishly appointed yard to the villa's back door. He whips out some lock-picking tools (remember, he spent his childhood in a trailer park) and enters the house. We see framed photos of his dad, Dr Michael Mancini with Dad's new family, Hot Wife and Tot Noah. BP opens Dad's briefcase and removes a ULA Medical Center key-card.

Meet Leia's new screen-saver.

Junoh & Smiley's apt. Smiley enters the bathroom, where delicious cutie-pie Junoh is showering and singing a public domain ditty about how much he loves his fiancee. She chides him for his lousy vocals, and when he won't stop, turns on the faucet, scalding him. That was bitchy, but since we get an adorable quick peek of Junoh popping out from behind the curtain, covered in suds with his modest chest hair wet and glistening, we'll forgive her.

MP courtyard. Ashlee Simpson leers at Angrie returning topless and glistening from his morning run.

Villa Mancini. BP is on his way out of the yard, gloves and burglar tools nowhere to be seen, when Dad's glistening silver sports car pulls up and Dad yells at BP for coming over without calling. BP says he was just dropping off Noah's birthday gift, pointing to a toy car with a bow on it he left on the patio, although BP says he's not sure the kid's still into cars, since Dad never lets BP talk to him. "I promise I'll give him your number if he wants a deal on Oxy," Dad sneers. That's ridiculous-- Dad's an MD. Free Oxys are only one swiped Rx pad away.

"Ignore the Adam's apple and talk to the man-hand!"

Hot Wife tells Dad to keep it down while ignoring BP, who tells her that Dad "turned his back on everyone in his life" and she could be next. She gives BP a nasty look and goes in the house. Dad says HW is the best thing that ever happened to him. BP replies that Dad's life must be great now that Sydney's dead. "Is that why you killed her? To tidy things up?" BP asks. Miffed, Dad informs BP that the cops cleared Dad. But BP has plenty of time to cook up "ludicrous theories" since BP doesn't have a job.

BP tells Dad that Syd told BP she was about to go to the medical board and report Dad for faking her death certificate "12 years ago". Dad ignores this and mocks BP for thinking Syd actually had real feelings for BP. BP says Dad had plenty of reason to want Syd dead. Dad scoffs that the board would never buy into Syd's "pill-popping delirium" and neither should BP, but when Dad turns away, we see his look of vague disturbance, which cues a FLASHBACK:

Blood-caked Sydney is wheeled down a hospital corridor by emergency medical personnel, including Dad, who looks exactly the same as he does now, so I guess this isn't a clip from the 90's MP. "My God, Syd! Who did this to you?!" Dad demands. "Someone from my past," Syd moans. "They said they'd kill my husband..." Dad orders a transfusion, but Syd tells him to let her die, "you'll be safe". Cut to Dad with bandaged hands zipping up a body bag and attaching a morgue tag dated 5-19-97. But Syd's not in the bag. She's lying in a nearby bed, watching him. "You could lose your license," she says. Dad: You're worth it.

Bad Pitt the Human Ambien strikes again.

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Posted in Melrose Place by Leia LaBiblia at 8:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: yummy on Sep 27, 2009 09:14 AM.