Angrie's apt. We're off to a good start as Ashlee Simpson, apparently having broken into hot-headed recovering drunk Angrie's apartment, fondles his sweaters, snuggles his chef jacket, and writhes around on his bed (which is, rather gayly, made-- WTF?!? Unless they have OCD, straight guys do not make beds-- am I right, fellow heteros?) She stares at a photo of Angrie with her alleged mother, murdered landlady Sydney, and is about to read a formal-looking card from Syd to Angrie, when AS is caught by petulant vanilla "anti-hero"/anti-actor Bad Pitt. BP wants to know what AS is doing in there. She says Angrie's "surfing in Cabo", so she's picking up his mail and watering his herb garden. In his bedroom? BP asks dubiously. Uh, yeah... she's looking for the special plant food Angrie told her about.

"Dear Ashlee Simpson, This is to confirm your acceptance of the position of Hostess and Celebrity Grand Marshal of the National Kook-Eyes Telethon and Parade..."

It's in the kitchen, BP says, rather pissily informing her that BP is the one who usually performs these neighborly duties for the tense muscle stud. "I guess this time he asked me," AS replies, inviting BP to call Angrie if he doesn't believe her. Cut to AS in her own apartment, excitedly reading the card she swiped, aloud, for our convenience: "Dear Angrie, You won't talk to me... won't let me explain why I fell apart. It's my ex-husband. I thought this time he'd choose me, but one woman's never enough for him. Even after 16 years. Michael [Mancini, BP's nefarious swarthy dad] brings out my worst demons. All I can do is numb myself. Love, Sydney" AS is too young to note that Love, Sidney was the name of a groundbreaking NBC sitcom from the late 70's about a warm-hearted celibate homo (Tony Randall) who opens his swanky NYC apartment to single mom Swoosie Kurtz (who I loved on the trashy 90's soap Sisters and will soon be seen on the current Lifetime sitcom Rita Rocks, starring the hilarious Nicole Sullivan... I know you can't believe a Lifetime sitcom could be any good (hello, Sheri), but Rita is really smart and funny and you should check it out if you miss old-school 4-camera live-audience comedies!).

Hospital. BP's Dad finds his intern Dr Whoren in emergency mode, tending to a teen suffering from a precarious breathing crisis. Nice work, Dad tells Whoren a few minutes later, her "long hours must be paying off". Dad, who you might recall chose Whoren as his assistant so he can keep tabs on BP, mentions that he hasn't heard from BP for a while. Whoren says she only sees BP in the courtyard, but will let BP know Dad asked about him. Dad heads off as Whoren gets a call from her pimp Kelly Carlson, who says Whoren will be going to a party tonight, "intimate, elite and very discreet-- the client's gonna love you. He has very sophisticated taste."

Kelly says Whoren will be working with a group of K's top girls. W nervously asks if K means each girl will be assigned to a guy, or... If W has "a versatility issue", K snaps, maybe K should send someone else. No, count me in, W quickly replies, obviously not real into a lesbian group-grope situation, but cash is cash, and what's a little rug-munching and/or beaver-bumping between friends?

"No, seriously. Your wrist is supposed to hang like this."

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Posted in Melrose Place by Leia LaBiblia at 8:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: niqui1 on Oct 21, 2009 03:34 PM.