Here's a quick lesson on cliffhangers: They're used at the end of a show to keep you interested until the show returns whether that be next week or next season. If the show does not return, then you have what we call "loose ends" and one really pissed off recapper. Unless I see Andy Cohen and his smug mug on my TV screen next Tuesday with a big, fat where-are-they-now special, heads are going to roll. Shall we?
George is on the phone with his mom, prepping for her visit to Miami. Lina is hovering nearby plotting ways to torture and abuse George. And probably his mom. Because why not. George asks Lina if she's going to be around when his mom comes in and she says she'll try to do her best. Don't hurt yourself.
George ends the conversation with his mom which, by any objective standard, was perfectly lovely and reasonable. But Lina doesn't understand things like lovely and reasonable and chides George for not letting her tell his mom that she's looking forward to seeing her. Which, of course, would naturally follow from I'll try to make myself available to meet your mother.
George asks Lina if she's excited to meet his mom but she just hopes mom is better than George. Well, if mom isn't dating a pathological lying, wardrobe cutting, bat shit crazy, crab-infested, two dollar hooker then yes, mom is better. George claims she is because she raised him and Lina tells him that she didn't do such a great job and has a list of complaints.
MC and Maria are hanging out on a balcony praising the sexiness of Miami. They decide that Maria should be dating a lot of guys so it's going to be a new Maria era. One where she has a lot of sex because it prolongs your life. (And that's one to grow on.) So she's off to slut it up (and get some antibiotics.)
George picks up Mama French from the airport and she asks whether he and Lina are a long-term thing or not. Sure, as long as they don't kill each other first. Mama concludes that Lina may be hot tempered (I guess George didn't tell mom about the whole clothes-cutting situation) and wants to know why George can't find a nice girl who makes chicken soup. George brags that Lina could open a can. And then slice your neck with the jagged edge of the lid. Mama wants to know that he's with a woman who can take care of him.
Hardy and the Crypt Keeper are planning a small party to celebrate their six year anniversary. Of dating. Not marriage, but dating. Who does this? Please break up now. The yacht is sixty-nine feet long. She said sixty-nine. Sorry, I'm twelve.
Hardy and Crypt are reviewing the guest list and start naming people we've never heard of. Are they interesting? Maybe they can appear on Season 2 instead. They decide not to invite George and Lina because they don't want drama at their party. Hardy gives us his two cents about them and says that George should "ditch the bitch." Glass houses, man. Take note.
George and Mama French are at George's home and are (shocker) waiting for Lina. They're supposed to go to some fish fry at Frank's house and Lina calls to say she's going to be late. George is trying to convince her to get her ass home so they can get there at a reasonable time. Mama is tired and hungry so let's go. Before Mama has a second to complain, Sorah walks in amid a chorus of angels to say hi to her former mother-in-law.
George then tells Sorah that she needs to get out of the apartment before Lina gets home. I bet Mama can't wait to meet this girl. Lina finally walks in looking like she hasn't showered in at least two days and forces Mama to hug her.
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Comments (4)
Imagine how boring this show would be WITHOUT Lina.
Isn't Andrew Christian the designer from The Fashion Show who they called "The Panty Christ" because he was an underwear designer? I must admit I'm a little embarrassed that I know that.
1 of 4 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on August 20, 2009 9:22 PM
Okay, I first thought the Doctor was gay and then he was hitting on Katrina. There I was making up this little romance between MC and the Doc, awww.
Ben is a pig, he's too full of himself. I bet he's a male Katrina.
Maria's date was awful, but not because of the guy but because she was so awkward herself it was like watching a dos and don'ts of dating.
I hate men like Hardy. Anyways, he dumps Trixia and marries this pair of boobs that hosts some sort of interview show on the net. This makes me feel bad for Trixia, waiting around for that douche.
2 of 4 | Posted by Nimabu | Posted on August 20, 2009 10:27 PM
Dearest TinyElvis. Congratulations on completing this season of this horrible show. I can't tell you how much fun it's been to read these, I have really enjoyed your work. Although, I wish we never had to see these people ever again, especially MC and Ari, who double-handedly are going to take gay-acceptance back to the 50's in six weeks or less. Truly vile people.
At any rate, you really made the best of this dreck and I, for one, am grateful. Just think of this as your "Double Shot At Love" trial. The shows can only get better from here.
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 21, 2009 10:20 AM
Pixie: I don't know about The Fashion Show but the "Panty Christ" is just about the most awesomest name ever. That guy is creepy. I'd be shocked if he wasn't wanted in at least a few states.
Nim: I think Ben is almost too lame to be full of himself. I don't know why anyone thinks he's so great - he strikes me as kind of a nerd. And not one of those cool hot nerds.
J-Mo: Aw shucks and thanks. Coming from you, it's quite the compliment.
4 of 4 | Posted by TinyElvis | Posted on August 23, 2009 12:38 PM