Next we have Madison Hildebrand, 26. There's no way he can be pretentious with that name! He's sold $80 million worth of housing or something in the 2.5 years he's been in real . . . sorry. I drifted off there. Again, with the "L.A. is all about image thing." Is it? IS IT?! Yes. It is. Madison says his trainer is hot, but that the trainer probably isn't into guys. Madison says, "I may be open to it, but I don't think he is." So, Madison is now single and says that now he's open to a relationship with a man or a woman. "It is what it is," he says. Bi-curiousness. Is everything. Madison's totally ending up with a dude. Or - he will meet a woman and become engaged to her, plan a fabulous wedding, and break it off because he'll tell her he's 100% gay. Blah blah blah Madison is motivated blah. Madison said he was into drugs from ages 15-21, partly because he had issues with his sexuality. Okay, so I really want to hate Madison, but I'm just not going to be able to. Mostly because his hair is completely Weeble Wobble free. Madison gets a commission check for HOLY SHIT! $27, 375! You know how much I made last year? $5,000. I shit you not. Maybe I should sell houses for $15 million. Or, I could just move to L.A. and make Madison fall in love with me, convince him to pay off Sallie Mae, get engaged, plan a fabulous wedding, and then break it off because I'll tell him I'm 100% straight. That actually sounds easier than taking the real estate test. Next.
He has a couple more years of situations like this, tops.
Some dude gets dressed, and puts on a belt with a big "H" on it. I believe the "H" stans for, "How cool am I?!" The belt belongs to Josh Flagg, 21, who is "the top real broker ever under 25. In Los Angeles west side community." He sells houses in the $5 to $20 million range. Last year he sold $82.5 million . . . worth of houses or something. I've never even finished a game of Monopoly. Josh goes to his grandmother's house. And I can't make fun of her because she survived the Holocaust. However, Josh lies and says she was "the first person to bring polyester to the United States of America." Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the cast of Three's Company and not your grandma Edith, Josh. She brought it "over from Europe." So, Edith combined purified terephthalic acid, dimethylterephthalate, mono ethylene glycol, and other polymers to create a synthetic fabric. Yeah, I totally buy that, Josh. Just like I buy the fact that you're a completely trustworthy individual who would never make stuff up for attention. Shut up, Trust Fund. Trust Fund and Grandma shoot the shit. Grandma says that a friend of Josh's died. I like Grandma. She doesn't fuck around, that Edith. And Trust Fund takes the opportunity to call someone about Dead Friend's house, because it's now on the market. Trust Fund may be able to sell a house, but he ain't sellin' anyone on being a decent human being. Sucking. Is Everything.
Oh yeah my grandma also invented ice cream cones and Care Bears. Bitch is unstoppable.
Madison drives to a house to meet Carol, another broker or something. She calls him Mad. That's cute. Dorothy Hamill comes to the house! No, sorry, it's just Chad. Madison glares at him. Yay! Madison hates Chad! Chad says in an interview that he met Madison through family and that Madison knows Chad's girlfriend. Trust Fund comes in and sucks. He hates Chad. Madison doesn't see them as competition. Good on ya, Mad! And if you think there is a point to all of them getting together, there is not. I thought this would be some competition, like, "Who has the balls to sell this house?" But it's not that kind of reality show. I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss America's Most Smartest Model. Oh, Mandy Lynn! Wherefore art thou!
Thanks for asking, but slinging hot wings isn't so bad!
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Comments (10)
Hypnotoad, a million thanks for brilliantly recapping this show! It's a big crapfest but I took one look at Madison and was hooked (thanks Bravo- I needed another shitty TV show clogging up my DVR!!) I personally hate Chad MUCH more than Trust Fund, because he reeks of douchbaggery. Also, I have dubbed him "Brian Bonsall" because of that awful hairdo. He looks just like the kid from "Family Ties" (see?: www.tvguide.com/magazine/covers/newimages/88052801.jpg)
Also, a bit of interesting news: Trust Fund was recently arrested for stealing from his listings-- www.tmz.com/2008/08/01/bravo-star-ought-not-to-be-in-pictures
It's always the rich kids that turn into kleptos!! Why is that?
1 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 15, 2008 5:28 PM
Chad reminds me of Harold from Harold and Maude. Maybe Trust Fund's grandmother and him...quite the plot twist, no?
2 of 10 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 15, 2008 6:39 PM
Wow, I am shocked that Trust Fund was arrested for . . . wait, is shocked the right word? No, it's not: Vindicated. That might be it. He's such an ass. I'm sure Grandma will bail him out, what with all her pant-suit money.
3 of 10 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 16, 2008 10:11 AM
He looks like the 5th Beetle. This show magnifies what I hate about real estate - 3 underage idiots can make money. My question is...why do these wealthy people use them? Why would you be impressed with someone like Madison who just started in real estate about a year ago and speaks with a lisp or Josh who's rude and like 21?
4 of 10 | Posted by cleogrl | Posted on August 17, 2008 3:00 PM
Very funny recap, I find myself wanting to slap Trust Fund kid multiple times each episode. The other day I was at staples and bought a thing of post-its that say 'Golf is Everything' on them for my Buppa. I think Chad should have some made that say Image is everything on them.
5 of 10 | Posted by Zumdahl | Posted on August 18, 2008 1:59 PM
Hypno--this was an absolutely FANTASTIC recap! I laughed out loud so many times it was ridiculous. My co-worker thinks I'm officially nuts. Sanity. Is everything.
Chad reminds me of the mushrooms off of Super Mario brothers. But not nearly as awesome. And when he was going on about selling his soul to the devil and was all, "So, who's Dorian Gray?" Like, "So, who's that guy, a friend of yours? Does he have a realtor?" Ugh, tool.
6 of 10 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on August 19, 2008 7:50 AM
i didn't watch this show but holy crap, fantastic recap. i probably still won't watch the show, but i will definitely read the recaps. hypno, you're hilarious.
plus i love *anything* with a dorian gray allusion. only i'm pretty sure dorian gray was supposed to be fantastically handsome and not a poorly-constructed shag lamp.
7 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 19, 2008 12:46 PM
Oh for the love of pete thank you for recapping this show. I watched it against my better judgement and am hooked. I cannot wait for you to catch up. Last week the wind blew Chad's hair back and that high schooler is balding... freaking A. And he goes to a pool and wears a head band like a tool.
8 of 10 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on August 22, 2008 10:44 PM
Finally, a place where I can admit I watched it. It was so inane, I just couldn't look away. Dead- on recap, but oddly, you forgot MY CLIENT, RON RICHARDS. I think we need to make some rules for the RON RICHARDS drinking game. That RON RICHARDS must be one important dude.
9 of 10 | Posted by mediagirl | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:37 PM
Chad looks and sounds like PeeWee Herman would with a bowl cut and bangs. Can't you see Paul Reubens doing a Chad character? Its fun watching Trust Fund, knowing he got busted stealing from his clients. Which do you think he prefers: coke or meth? Madison is the most likable, but a little dull, no?
10 of 10 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 24, 2008 1:40 PM