Sigh, back to Chad. Victoria is his girlfriend. She's very pretty and reminds me of Malin Ackerman from The Comeback with Lisa Kudrow. Rent it. It's awesome. She seems very sweet. Chad, told by the producers to tell Victoria stuff she already knows to give us background info about him, tells her about being 13 and gangly or whatever. Victoria fakes an interest. She says she's graduating with a fashion degree, but L.A. doesn't have that many designers. Um, hello - ever hear of someone named Lauren Conrad? Her stuff is buy one get two free! Sweet. Victoria wants to get an internship in Italy, she says Chad pretends to be cool with it, but he wants her to stay. She says she doesn't know what she would do if she was offered an internship at some great company. She's torn between an amazing career opportunity and a mediocre boyfriend. Meanwhile, Heidi breaks up with Jordan and Audrina dates a guy named Danny. Oh, wait, that's season 1 of The Hills. Wow. When a reality show can't even come up with original plot-points, that's really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Done caring!
Chad has an open house in Jonathan's condo, and makes everyone wear "booties," those disposable scrubs you put over your shoes. Why? We'll never know. Or care. People are all, "the price is high." Someone says the location is "dicey." It's not fucking East St. Louis! It's Hollywood! Damn, people. Being pretentious. Is everything. One woman is interested because it's "unique."
I can't see anything.
Me neither.
But we're hot.
Yeah.
Trust Fund has an open house. He. Will sell. This house. Today. Trust Fund runs into a snag, as the moving truck is there, and boxes are in the driveway. Ugh, that house needs work. Dr. Sam comes in. He is Trust Fund's prescription drug connection. Dentist! I mean dentist! This is what L.A. dentists look like? Some kind of swanky-ass rich European dude? Yeah, my dentist looks like a chubbier Mr. Belding. Dr. Sam is also Trust Fund's friend. By which I mean "friend."
Mad is driving, taking pics in of houses in Malibu. He's on the PCH, which I know stands for Pacific Coast Highway because of Veronica Mars. Damn PCHers, with their motorcycles and gang violence! Oh, Veronica - struck down before your time. I miss you . . . Anyway, Mad is being followed by the paparazzi. No, not because he's on some third-rate Bravo reality show, but because they think he's Britney Spears. No, not because he's eating Cheetos, drinking Mello Yello, and driving with his baby on his lap, but because he's in a range rover with tinted windows.
Back to Trust Fund. I think he lives with his Grandma, but I can't confirm that yet. Kelly, an agent, comes in, and says that the house (listing price $3,250,000) has an offer for $2,850,000. Oh no! He'll only get a $71,250 commission check! I really feel bad for him, especially since I have $9.61 in my checking account. Especially since unemployment is at it's highest rate in years and people are struggling to find even menial minimum-wage jobs. Oh, crap, sorry, I seem to have fallen onto a soapbox. Let me just step off that . . . there we go. Okay, so Trust Fund says that he has a responsibility to report all offers to the seller. But what he can do is call Dr. Sam, his "friend" and let him know about the offer, and tell him to step it up. But Trust Fund says that's "shady." And probably illegal, I say. Isn't that just like insider trading? Has Martha Stewart taught us nothing? I know she taught me about decorative gourds. Whatever, like you're above lying, Polyester Boy. So what does Trust Fund do? He calls Dr. Sam and tells him that the house is now available and that Dr. Sam should make an offer. Trust Fund is the kind of guy who would sell term papers to college students and call them "study guides." Stupid dramatic music plays as all this goes down.
Oh, just make some pretty cupcakes. Cupcakes make it all ok. And panchos. Make some panchos too.
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Comments (10)
Hypnotoad, a million thanks for brilliantly recapping this show! It's a big crapfest but I took one look at Madison and was hooked (thanks Bravo- I needed another shitty TV show clogging up my DVR!!) I personally hate Chad MUCH more than Trust Fund, because he reeks of douchbaggery. Also, I have dubbed him "Brian Bonsall" because of that awful hairdo. He looks just like the kid from "Family Ties" (see?: www.tvguide.com/magazine/covers/newimages/88052801.jpg)
Also, a bit of interesting news: Trust Fund was recently arrested for stealing from his listings-- www.tmz.com/2008/08/01/bravo-star-ought-not-to-be-in-pictures
It's always the rich kids that turn into kleptos!! Why is that?
1 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 15, 2008 5:28 PM
Chad reminds me of Harold from Harold and Maude. Maybe Trust Fund's grandmother and him...quite the plot twist, no?
2 of 10 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 15, 2008 6:39 PM
Wow, I am shocked that Trust Fund was arrested for . . . wait, is shocked the right word? No, it's not: Vindicated. That might be it. He's such an ass. I'm sure Grandma will bail him out, what with all her pant-suit money.
3 of 10 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 16, 2008 10:11 AM
He looks like the 5th Beetle. This show magnifies what I hate about real estate - 3 underage idiots can make money. My question is...why do these wealthy people use them? Why would you be impressed with someone like Madison who just started in real estate about a year ago and speaks with a lisp or Josh who's rude and like 21?
4 of 10 | Posted by cleogrl | Posted on August 17, 2008 3:00 PM
Very funny recap, I find myself wanting to slap Trust Fund kid multiple times each episode. The other day I was at staples and bought a thing of post-its that say 'Golf is Everything' on them for my Buppa. I think Chad should have some made that say Image is everything on them.
5 of 10 | Posted by Zumdahl | Posted on August 18, 2008 1:59 PM
Hypno--this was an absolutely FANTASTIC recap! I laughed out loud so many times it was ridiculous. My co-worker thinks I'm officially nuts. Sanity. Is everything.
Chad reminds me of the mushrooms off of Super Mario brothers. But not nearly as awesome. And when he was going on about selling his soul to the devil and was all, "So, who's Dorian Gray?" Like, "So, who's that guy, a friend of yours? Does he have a realtor?" Ugh, tool.
6 of 10 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on August 19, 2008 7:50 AM
i didn't watch this show but holy crap, fantastic recap. i probably still won't watch the show, but i will definitely read the recaps. hypno, you're hilarious.
plus i love *anything* with a dorian gray allusion. only i'm pretty sure dorian gray was supposed to be fantastically handsome and not a poorly-constructed shag lamp.
7 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 19, 2008 12:46 PM
Oh for the love of pete thank you for recapping this show. I watched it against my better judgement and am hooked. I cannot wait for you to catch up. Last week the wind blew Chad's hair back and that high schooler is balding... freaking A. And he goes to a pool and wears a head band like a tool.
8 of 10 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on August 22, 2008 10:44 PM
Finally, a place where I can admit I watched it. It was so inane, I just couldn't look away. Dead- on recap, but oddly, you forgot MY CLIENT, RON RICHARDS. I think we need to make some rules for the RON RICHARDS drinking game. That RON RICHARDS must be one important dude.
9 of 10 | Posted by mediagirl | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:37 PM
Chad looks and sounds like PeeWee Herman would with a bowl cut and bangs. Can't you see Paul Reubens doing a Chad character? Its fun watching Trust Fund, knowing he got busted stealing from his clients. Which do you think he prefers: coke or meth? Madison is the most likable, but a little dull, no?
10 of 10 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 24, 2008 1:40 PM