Victoria and a girlfriend talk about how it'll be weird being out of school. Tell me about it, Victoria. Flash forward 5 years from now: Victoria sits in a cubicle with a headset, asking callers for their conference codes, saying "You'll hear music until the conference begins," all the while thinking, "I have a fucking bachelor's degree! Why am I here?!" Sorry, sweetie. Welcome to the real world. Victoria's friend says she's moving to New York to "find a job." Oh, the innocence of the early twenties! I long for those days, before cynicism became my air and bitterness my food. Wow, Victoria's girlfriend Gabby has a really well thought out plan on how to get a job. Her response to Chad when he asks her why she's moving to New York: "So, my business card, I can actually put, you know, the New York . . . So then if I go over there, you know, it's cool to have, like, two places." Love is all around, Gabby, no need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it? You're gonna make it after all. Dun-dun-dun-dunnnn-dun!
Victoria wants to go, Chad doesn't want her to. Chad voice overs that if she left, it would "put a stress on his personal life, which would bleed into his business life." His hair, however, would remain unscathed. Chad gets an email offer for the condo. The offer is for $950,000, what Chad said it should sell for. He calls Jonathan, the condo seller, who says on speakerphone that "she can dream on." I think he's talking to Gabby. Wait, no. He's talking about the buyer. My bad. There's a profile shot of Chad on the phone and it just . . . it scares me. I seriously think he's wearing eyeliner, maybe some lipstick. Also? Dude is pale. Like Tim Burton pale. You live in L.A.! Go out in the sun, Chad!
From the moderately dis-liked to the pretty much hated: Trust Fund goes over to Michael to tell him about the offer on the house. He tells Michael that he should take the offer, but it's "kind of a gamble." Um, I'm pretty sure those are the words I don't want to hear from my real estate agent. Isn't it your job to make it so it's NOT a gamble? Trust Fund has watery eyes, like a basset hound. I don't think he's as loyal as a basset hound, though. Is he constantly on the verge of tears? So, Michael takes the offer, and Trust Fund is out $10,000 on his commission. Crap. Now he'll have to go to stupid Ibiza instead of Cannes. Dammit! Life is so hard!
Back to Madison! Yay! Ooh, I totally forgot about Carolina's love child! Buckle up, people, this is going to be good. I can tell because of the dramatic, echo-y music. Oh. She got another job offer. That's all. Also, she's a single parent, working long hours at Madison's office, and it's difficult for her to balance everything. Please, Carolina, that's nothing. Trust Fund can't afford a new Hummer now because of his lousy commission. Those are the real problems! Mad's disappointed and let down.
Listen here. Get rid of the baby, take a week to cry, and call me. Freakin' women and their ovens.
Back to Trust Fund. Dr. Sam comes over for a drink. Okay, am I the only one who thinks it's kind of weird to booze it up with your dentist? Is this how it goes down in L.A.? Why not do coke off a toilet seat with your proctologist? Dr. Sam asks about the house, Trust Fund says it's pretty much gone because the other buyer's now in escrow. Trust Fund says you can't wait on good deals in Beverly Hills. But in every other part of the country, it's perfectly fine. Shut up, Trust Fund. He says that he can put in an offer in case the buyer doesn't come through. Trust Fund's friends arrive. They look exactly like you'd expect them to - white, skinny, sexually ambiguous males who have probably never worked a day in their lives. Trust Fund says he got his jeans on sale for, like, $600. Fucking dumbass. Some chubby dude enters. Now, because I am a TMZ ho, I know this is the infamous Gummi Bear. Why is he famous? I don't know. Probably because his family has shit-tons of money. Why does TMZ insist on taking pictures and video of him to further his famous-ness? Because TMZ is effing idiotic. And kind of awesome.
I've had a long day of drawing cocks on Paris Hilton's face. Let's drink!
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Comments (10)
Hypnotoad, a million thanks for brilliantly recapping this show! It's a big crapfest but I took one look at Madison and was hooked (thanks Bravo- I needed another shitty TV show clogging up my DVR!!) I personally hate Chad MUCH more than Trust Fund, because he reeks of douchbaggery. Also, I have dubbed him "Brian Bonsall" because of that awful hairdo. He looks just like the kid from "Family Ties" (see?: www.tvguide.com/magazine/covers/newimages/88052801.jpg)
Also, a bit of interesting news: Trust Fund was recently arrested for stealing from his listings-- www.tmz.com/2008/08/01/bravo-star-ought-not-to-be-in-pictures
It's always the rich kids that turn into kleptos!! Why is that?
1 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 15, 2008 5:28 PM
Chad reminds me of Harold from Harold and Maude. Maybe Trust Fund's grandmother and him...quite the plot twist, no?
2 of 10 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 15, 2008 6:39 PM
Wow, I am shocked that Trust Fund was arrested for . . . wait, is shocked the right word? No, it's not: Vindicated. That might be it. He's such an ass. I'm sure Grandma will bail him out, what with all her pant-suit money.
3 of 10 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 16, 2008 10:11 AM
He looks like the 5th Beetle. This show magnifies what I hate about real estate - 3 underage idiots can make money. My question is...why do these wealthy people use them? Why would you be impressed with someone like Madison who just started in real estate about a year ago and speaks with a lisp or Josh who's rude and like 21?
4 of 10 | Posted by cleogrl | Posted on August 17, 2008 3:00 PM
Very funny recap, I find myself wanting to slap Trust Fund kid multiple times each episode. The other day I was at staples and bought a thing of post-its that say 'Golf is Everything' on them for my Buppa. I think Chad should have some made that say Image is everything on them.
5 of 10 | Posted by Zumdahl | Posted on August 18, 2008 1:59 PM
Hypno--this was an absolutely FANTASTIC recap! I laughed out loud so many times it was ridiculous. My co-worker thinks I'm officially nuts. Sanity. Is everything.
Chad reminds me of the mushrooms off of Super Mario brothers. But not nearly as awesome. And when he was going on about selling his soul to the devil and was all, "So, who's Dorian Gray?" Like, "So, who's that guy, a friend of yours? Does he have a realtor?" Ugh, tool.
6 of 10 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on August 19, 2008 7:50 AM
i didn't watch this show but holy crap, fantastic recap. i probably still won't watch the show, but i will definitely read the recaps. hypno, you're hilarious.
plus i love *anything* with a dorian gray allusion. only i'm pretty sure dorian gray was supposed to be fantastically handsome and not a poorly-constructed shag lamp.
7 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 19, 2008 12:46 PM
Oh for the love of pete thank you for recapping this show. I watched it against my better judgement and am hooked. I cannot wait for you to catch up. Last week the wind blew Chad's hair back and that high schooler is balding... freaking A. And he goes to a pool and wears a head band like a tool.
8 of 10 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on August 22, 2008 10:44 PM
Finally, a place where I can admit I watched it. It was so inane, I just couldn't look away. Dead- on recap, but oddly, you forgot MY CLIENT, RON RICHARDS. I think we need to make some rules for the RON RICHARDS drinking game. That RON RICHARDS must be one important dude.
9 of 10 | Posted by mediagirl | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:37 PM
Chad looks and sounds like PeeWee Herman would with a bowl cut and bangs. Can't you see Paul Reubens doing a Chad character? Its fun watching Trust Fund, knowing he got busted stealing from his clients. Which do you think he prefers: coke or meth? Madison is the most likable, but a little dull, no?
10 of 10 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 24, 2008 1:40 PM