Back to Mad, touring a lovely 5-bedroom home with 9 flat-screen TVs (that's not excessive. Not excessive at all.), Jacuzzi bathroom, a huge walk-in closet, climate controlled wine cellar, and everything else you can't afford. Seller says that Mad is younger than the seller thought, and lectures him on being aggressive or some crap like that. The seller is a complete ass, the kind of guy who orders for his wife in a restaurant, all, "She'll have a salad with low-fat ranch," while he eats three steaks and a lobster and crème brulee for dessert. Jerk. He asks Mad why he should hire him instead of other people who have sold houses that are, you know, as expensive as his. Mad tries to sell himself, but poor guy, it doesn't come across as a great pitch. Yeah, so the seller, named Camillo (yeah, I know) tells Mad that he believes in up-and-comers, and he's giving Madison a shot. Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that this is being filmed and that Camillo has a chance to be on TV. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Listing price? $4,895,000. Ew, Camillo is skeezy. Evidence? His words: "If you believe in it, it's going to happen, Madison. Do you know what I mean? The day you don't, you won't have this listing anymore. Okay?" What a cocky bastard. Wow, this show really makes me want to never, ever live in southern California. Potential commission? $146,850, or more than I'll probably make in my entire lifetime. My best bet is to move to California and make Madison fall in love with me. He can give Sallie Mae a check and say, "Suck on that, bitches!" And then buy me a 10 pack of El Monterey burritos.
"This is the part of my job that sucks." No, that's not me talking, that's Trust Fund. He says that Dr. Sam didn't get the house, so he invites him over to tell him. Trust Fund tells Dr. Sam, who is all, "You're joking." But Trust Fund is not. Oh, sweet - Dr. Sam is all, this shouldn't have happened, you're the broker, I trusted you to make this happen, "you gave me the indication that it was mine." But Trust Fund just sits there with his watery eyes with a rich-kid smirk on his face. What the fuck does he care? He's got $600 jeans, bitch! He voiceovers that "Sam didn't make an offer fast enough," so he couldn't help him. Which is complete bullshit. Dr. Sam says he's leaving, and gives the stink-eye at Trust Fund. Awesome. Again, Trust Fund lies about how Dr. Sam "didn't listen" to him, and that's why he didn't get the house. Yeah, I'm pretty sure Dr. Sam didn't get the house because Trust Fund is a shitty, shady real estate agent. I hope Dr. Sam got every single last cent of his $300,000 back. It's night, and Trust Fund goes to what I think is the same club they always go to on The Hills. Les Deux? Worst club name ever. And I've been to a club called Tremors (Lawrence, KS represent!). And like a couple of people on The Hills, Trust Fund is a money-hungry fame whore who really has a talent for nothing but spending money and being an idiot. It's a hard job, but somebody's gotta do it. Being a douchebag. Is everything.
And now for the fist in the mouth trick.
Aw, that's it? Stay tuned next week for more exciting . . . house selling. Wheeeee. Will Madison sell Oily Camillo's house? Probably. Will Chad cut his hair? Doubtful. Will Trust Fund be a complete and total immature shit-head? Bet on it. Will my next recap be better than this one? Let's hope so. Later!
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Comments (10)
Hypnotoad, a million thanks for brilliantly recapping this show! It's a big crapfest but I took one look at Madison and was hooked (thanks Bravo- I needed another shitty TV show clogging up my DVR!!) I personally hate Chad MUCH more than Trust Fund, because he reeks of douchbaggery. Also, I have dubbed him "Brian Bonsall" because of that awful hairdo. He looks just like the kid from "Family Ties" (see?: www.tvguide.com/magazine/covers/newimages/88052801.jpg)
Also, a bit of interesting news: Trust Fund was recently arrested for stealing from his listings-- www.tmz.com/2008/08/01/bravo-star-ought-not-to-be-in-pictures
It's always the rich kids that turn into kleptos!! Why is that?
1 of 10 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 15, 2008 5:28 PM
Chad reminds me of Harold from Harold and Maude. Maybe Trust Fund's grandmother and him...quite the plot twist, no?
2 of 10 | Posted by silver | Posted on August 15, 2008 6:39 PM
Wow, I am shocked that Trust Fund was arrested for . . . wait, is shocked the right word? No, it's not: Vindicated. That might be it. He's such an ass. I'm sure Grandma will bail him out, what with all her pant-suit money.
3 of 10 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 16, 2008 10:11 AM
He looks like the 5th Beetle. This show magnifies what I hate about real estate - 3 underage idiots can make money. My question is...why do these wealthy people use them? Why would you be impressed with someone like Madison who just started in real estate about a year ago and speaks with a lisp or Josh who's rude and like 21?
4 of 10 | Posted by cleogrl | Posted on August 17, 2008 3:00 PM
Very funny recap, I find myself wanting to slap Trust Fund kid multiple times each episode. The other day I was at staples and bought a thing of post-its that say 'Golf is Everything' on them for my Buppa. I think Chad should have some made that say Image is everything on them.
5 of 10 | Posted by Zumdahl | Posted on August 18, 2008 1:59 PM
Hypno--this was an absolutely FANTASTIC recap! I laughed out loud so many times it was ridiculous. My co-worker thinks I'm officially nuts. Sanity. Is everything.
Chad reminds me of the mushrooms off of Super Mario brothers. But not nearly as awesome. And when he was going on about selling his soul to the devil and was all, "So, who's Dorian Gray?" Like, "So, who's that guy, a friend of yours? Does he have a realtor?" Ugh, tool.
6 of 10 | Posted by VolGirl | Posted on August 19, 2008 7:50 AM
i didn't watch this show but holy crap, fantastic recap. i probably still won't watch the show, but i will definitely read the recaps. hypno, you're hilarious.
plus i love *anything* with a dorian gray allusion. only i'm pretty sure dorian gray was supposed to be fantastically handsome and not a poorly-constructed shag lamp.
7 of 10 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 19, 2008 12:46 PM
Oh for the love of pete thank you for recapping this show. I watched it against my better judgement and am hooked. I cannot wait for you to catch up. Last week the wind blew Chad's hair back and that high schooler is balding... freaking A. And he goes to a pool and wears a head band like a tool.
8 of 10 | Posted by giffordsaz | Posted on August 22, 2008 10:44 PM
Finally, a place where I can admit I watched it. It was so inane, I just couldn't look away. Dead- on recap, but oddly, you forgot MY CLIENT, RON RICHARDS. I think we need to make some rules for the RON RICHARDS drinking game. That RON RICHARDS must be one important dude.
9 of 10 | Posted by mediagirl | Posted on August 22, 2008 11:37 PM
Chad looks and sounds like PeeWee Herman would with a bowl cut and bangs. Can't you see Paul Reubens doing a Chad character? Its fun watching Trust Fund, knowing he got busted stealing from his clients. Which do you think he prefers: coke or meth? Madison is the most likable, but a little dull, no?
10 of 10 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 24, 2008 1:40 PM