On this episode of Million Dollar Listing: Chad and Victoria are celebrating their one-year anniversary and he has a surprise for her. Madison hires a new assistant and goes on a blind date. Trust Fund (nee Josh Flagg) breaks the law, and no one's surprised. Some houses are sold, some houses are not, and I may or may not have a new boyfriend.
If he ever returns my txts.
Guys, so sorry about the lateness with this one. I guarantee your fix will arrive on time from here on out. God willing. This one goes out to my newly engaged friends Jay and Jen, who bravely sat down and watched this show with me. Also, please note that although this is the second recap, this is the third episode. Got it? Good.
So Trust Fund had a good week, so he's buying a bunch of crap with Grandma's Gold Express card. Yeah, take advantage while you can, dude, since we all know that you'll be getting arrested by the time this show airs! He drops over $8,000 on some clothes, which is totally reasonable. Ugh. Hate. So. Much.
No worries. My grandma invented the police in the sixties. I'm all good.
Mad, on the other hand, got some listings above the PCH. The people who live in the house he grew up in are now selling it. Those poor people are moving to the Midwest. The dollar stretches a lot more over there, so for the money they get from selling the house they could buy the state of Nebraska, flip it, and sell it for a small profit. Nebraska could totally use a fresh coat of paint, a Jacuzzi tub, and maybe some track lighting. Mad says hi to the people, and completely ignores their baby. Ooh, the house has a bidet! That's so European. And gross. It's called toilet paper, you commie bastards! They want to sell the house in 60 days. Mad tells them they could sell for about $2.6-2.8 million, and they agree on $2.795. Mad says goodbye to everyone but the baby. Commission? $83,850, or more money than any of you sorry a-holes will see in your lifetime.
Back to Chad's hair. Chad has an appointment with Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie! Oh, wait, it's just Suzan. Which is pronounced "Sooz-anne," which is completely ridiculous. She's the ex-wife of the guy who invented Herbalife, so if you took it and got lead poisoning, then cancer, and/or your baby came out with three arms and no sphincter you know who to thank. Suzan wants a house to lease for the summer, on the sand by some killer waves cuz her son loves to surf. She wants a house in "The Colony," like the one in the movie "The Village," so she can go back to life as it was 200 years ago in the middle of modern-day New York City. Oh, did I spoil the movie for you? Well, here's another one: the movie sucks ass. Actually The Colony is a section of Malibu, but Chad's hair says that it fills up fast in the summer, and it's "75, 80ish (thousand)" to rent. Dude, my first apartment? $65.00 a month. I shit you not. And yeah, it was government housing. Suck on that, Suzan! Anyway, Suzan is like, completely shocked at the rental price. Good to know that even rich people like a good deal, although it's not the same as us poor people, to whom a deal is the $1 double cheeseburger from McDonald's. Why does Chad always talk like he's reading from a cue card? Probably because he is.
Tonight, the role of Suzan will be played by Jennifer Coolige. Thank you.
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Comments (8)
Awesome Job Hypno! I'm SO glad to know I'm not the only one who gets, um, sexually excited by people who appear fleetingly on the reality shows I recap. Now I feel a tad less deviant! Well, really the same amount of deviant, but at least I'm not alone.
Awesome job, I love love love it, you're taking this hideous show and making it totally palatable (and let's be honest, making jokes at the expense of people far richer than us is lots of fun!)
love, hugs & kisses,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 25, 2008 8:25 AM
Your recaps are so hilarious! I was thinking the same thing about Chad always sounding like he's reading. Not only reading, but struggling with it. It's so depressing that these idiots are making so much money just going around being idiots. Or trespassing.
Great job! Looking forward to more!
2 of 8 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:23 PM
Simply thinking about the fact that both Chad and Trust Fund make more in a month than I make in a year is enough to make me suicidal. So instead, let's all think about Madison in the shower... mmmm...
P.S. I'm totally stealing your "weakness" line. Maybe now I'll be able to get a job that pays 5% of what those asshats make, instead of the 2% im making now. WOOT!
3 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 25, 2008 1:38 PM
Awesome recap! I just wached this show for the first time last night and I couldn't believe how much freaking money these assholes make in one day!!
And the "weakness" line is a classic interview tool I love telling potential employers that my biggest inperfection is my perfectionism :)
Also, what is up with the BU?!? I live in a place called "Rosemont" which I occaisonally refer to as "The Mont". But I swear I was being ironic...Not serious. Like the BU.
4 of 8 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:14 PM
Bwahahaha. Excellent recap.
Also - can you please do a side-by-side of Victoria and Melissa Etheridge? I suspect they might be long lost twins.
5 of 8 | Posted by ellie | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:51 PM
Why are you so easy on Chad, his hair, neuroses and stupidity and so tough on Josh, just for being an aggressive Hollywood party bitch? Josh is a snarky punk, but at least he's not an OCD Pee-Wee Herman in a bowl cut and Gucci. You're picking the wrong guy for most odious.
6 of 8 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 27, 2008 5:01 PM
hm, on interviews i always say that my weakness is that i sometimes can be TOO detail-oriented. they LOVE that too. in the world of beauracratic bullshit, you cannot be too detail oriented.
awesome recap, i don't watch the show but i read your recaps because you are hilarious. and mmm shower screengrab was yummy.
7 of 8 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:23 AM
bongofl - Chad's boring. He has the personality of a spanish peanut. I work with what I can. Now, if Chad, say, breaks into people's homes and/or gets arrested for stealing priceless artwork from his client's homes, then we'll talk.
In my opinion, Josh is more than a snarky punk - he's a sociopath.
Wow - I got all serious for a second. What's up with that? Seriousness. Is everything.
8 of 8 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:36 AM