Meanwhile, Mad is looking for a new assistant. The first girl, Martina, says that a.) She's not familiar with Malibu, and b.) Is "an artist at heart and needs to have time for dancing and such." Way to ace the interview, Martina. Next! Hey, Heather Locklear is applying for the job! Man, she looks bad. Oh, wait. It's just Betsy, who says that her worst skill is that she's disorganized. She might as well have said that she tends to poop her pants sporadically. Next. Ashley, who looks a lot like Leah from The Real World Paris (let's hope she's not as needy or psycho), says that she is organized and structured but can be flexible. Her weakness is that she expects too much from people. Ding ding ding! This girl knows how to give good interview. I always say that I'm too hard on myself when I make mistakes, because I want to make sure that everything goes smoothly and is done correctly. People eat that crap up with a spoon. And now I will never be hired by anyone ever again. Mad wants to hire her and call her right now! But he's learned in the past not to be desperate. Which is probably why he's single. So he calls at the end of the day instead. Oh my gosh! Ashley is so excited! Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! I so do not care!
Back to Chad. What happened to Trust Fund? Do the producers now hate him as much as the rest of America? We can only hope. Chad's one-year anniversary with Victoria is coming up, and he's bringing his mom with him to go jewelry shopping. Now, close your eyes and imagine what Chad's mom would look like. Now open them. She looks exactly how you pictured her. Chad's mom, Cathy, brings in a $400,000 necklace. She got the chain tangled up, and just didn't know what to do. She also brings her shoes to shoe-repair places so someone can untie them. Chad blahs on about his anniversary. He picks one out because it looks like a butterfly, and Victoria likes butterflies. And probably unicorns and ponies. Cathy, prodded by the producers to add a bit of drama into this scene, asks Chad if he's thinking about getting engaged. Wha? Chad confused!
Wow. It takes most people until at least 40 to officially become their mothers.
Dr. Gershman, and his 13-going-on-30 daughter, Elizabeth, are with Trust Fund, looking for houses. Elizabeth needs a bigger bedroom, to which the obvious solution is buying a new house. Dang! I never even got my own phone! Or television! Although, we did have a Nintendo and a cat who constantly took craps in our pantry. R.I.P. Inky. They tour a house. It's expensive. You can't afford it. It's been on the market for four months, which just isn't cool, Trust Fund tells us. Dr. Gershman and his weird wife-child leave the house. Elizabeth says that it's just too small for the asking price. Trust Fund actually says, "I don't really enjoy going house to house with clients." Well, thank god, because as a real estate agent, that never comes up.
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Comments (8)
Awesome Job Hypno! I'm SO glad to know I'm not the only one who gets, um, sexually excited by people who appear fleetingly on the reality shows I recap. Now I feel a tad less deviant! Well, really the same amount of deviant, but at least I'm not alone.
Awesome job, I love love love it, you're taking this hideous show and making it totally palatable (and let's be honest, making jokes at the expense of people far richer than us is lots of fun!)
love, hugs & kisses,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 25, 2008 8:25 AM
Your recaps are so hilarious! I was thinking the same thing about Chad always sounding like he's reading. Not only reading, but struggling with it. It's so depressing that these idiots are making so much money just going around being idiots. Or trespassing.
Great job! Looking forward to more!
2 of 8 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:23 PM
Simply thinking about the fact that both Chad and Trust Fund make more in a month than I make in a year is enough to make me suicidal. So instead, let's all think about Madison in the shower... mmmm...
P.S. I'm totally stealing your "weakness" line. Maybe now I'll be able to get a job that pays 5% of what those asshats make, instead of the 2% im making now. WOOT!
3 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 25, 2008 1:38 PM
Awesome recap! I just wached this show for the first time last night and I couldn't believe how much freaking money these assholes make in one day!!
And the "weakness" line is a classic interview tool I love telling potential employers that my biggest inperfection is my perfectionism :)
Also, what is up with the BU?!? I live in a place called "Rosemont" which I occaisonally refer to as "The Mont". But I swear I was being ironic...Not serious. Like the BU.
4 of 8 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:14 PM
Bwahahaha. Excellent recap.
Also - can you please do a side-by-side of Victoria and Melissa Etheridge? I suspect they might be long lost twins.
5 of 8 | Posted by ellie | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:51 PM
Why are you so easy on Chad, his hair, neuroses and stupidity and so tough on Josh, just for being an aggressive Hollywood party bitch? Josh is a snarky punk, but at least he's not an OCD Pee-Wee Herman in a bowl cut and Gucci. You're picking the wrong guy for most odious.
6 of 8 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 27, 2008 5:01 PM
hm, on interviews i always say that my weakness is that i sometimes can be TOO detail-oriented. they LOVE that too. in the world of beauracratic bullshit, you cannot be too detail oriented.
awesome recap, i don't watch the show but i read your recaps because you are hilarious. and mmm shower screengrab was yummy.
7 of 8 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:23 AM
bongofl - Chad's boring. He has the personality of a spanish peanut. I work with what I can. Now, if Chad, say, breaks into people's homes and/or gets arrested for stealing priceless artwork from his client's homes, then we'll talk.
In my opinion, Josh is more than a snarky punk - he's a sociopath.
Wow - I got all serious for a second. What's up with that? Seriousness. Is everything.
8 of 8 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:36 AM