He asks them if they have time to see something, a house that he doesn't even know if it's available. Inept, thy name is Trust Fund. They pull up to the mansion, and the gate is locked with a big padlock and chain. So what does Trust Fund do? He climbs through a side gate, therefore trespassing, therefore breaking the law, and therefore surprising no one. Elizabeth thinks this so cool and breaks in as well. She's going to blog about it on her Facebook page! Add her as a friend so you can read about it! The mansion is unlocked. Apparently, someone thought the padlock would be enough, but they weren't counting on the douchebaggery of one Joshua Flagg, heir to the polyester pantsuit fortune. The house has 8 effing bathrooms, which would prompt even the family on Eight is Enough to say, "Eight bathrooms? Isn't that a little excessive?" This house is oddly half-furnished, as if the rapture had come and taken the family, along with everyone else except those who are involved with this show. Dr. Gershman likes the house, but since Elizabeth wears the Capri pants in the family, he must consult with her first. She likey! So, Trust Fund now has to actually do work and stuff and call people to find out what the deal is with the house. I'm sure he'll get all the proper information and relay it in a very moral way to Dr. Gershman.
There was nothing in that house to steal. Whatevs people are just trying to make me look bad. That curtain rod was in my car before I even showed up. Jeeze.
Mad is networking, which is his only social life right now, he tells us. He's in a bar frequented by real estate people. Chad, who I'm sure DID NOT get a text message from the producers saying that Madison is in a club and that he IS NOT contractually obligated to show up, enters the club. He and Mad chew the fat. I think they actually get along, which is nice. Chad tells Mad that he has 2 units in Sierra Towers, and that Trust Fund called and asked him if he could show a unit. But Chad had to tell Trust Fund that his client, Ron Richards, refused to work with Trust Fund. Awesome. I bet Dr. Sam (from ep 1) told all his clients that the only thing Trust Fund is selling is bullshit. And who enters the club next? The group Los Del Rio, famous for their late '90s hit "Macarena!" No, not really. It's Trust Fund. Now, normally I'm on the fence with Chad because of his hair and the fact that he comes across as having the personality of aluminum foil (the dull side, not the shiny side). But as soon as he sees Trust Fund he's all, "Yeah, I have a meeting with Ron Richards at the Sierra Towers. You know Ron, right?" Suck on it, Trust Fund! Mad interviews that it's just better not to get involved in shit like that. Wimp.
Hey, remember Suzan? She wanted the cheap Malibu place for the summer? Well, Chad's showing her a place that's only $45,000 a month. There's actual sand on the roof. Ooh, beachy. And ludicrous. Suzan passes on the house.
Mad's having a broker's open at the house he used to live in. It's Ashley's first broker's open, and she fucks up by not asking someone to sign the registry. Oh no! The guy completely missed entering the raffle for the free Subway foot long! His loss. And there's a pointless montage of Ashley asking people to sign in. People look at the house. It's nice, but a lot of people don't like it because it's three levels. And you have to climb stairs to get to all of them. People in L.A. just don't have time to climb stairs! They want to get there, like now! Whatever - it's the maid's and nanny's job to climb the stairs anyway. That's what you pay them for. Well, that and cleaning while you read Us Weekly and giving your kids the affection you just don't have time for. There's also no backyard, just a back porch. A couple of ladies, who I so hope are lesbians because they look really, really good together and seem so super nice, compliment the views. No one wants to buy the house, because climbing stairs is for poor people.
I'm already exhausted.
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Comments (8)
Awesome Job Hypno! I'm SO glad to know I'm not the only one who gets, um, sexually excited by people who appear fleetingly on the reality shows I recap. Now I feel a tad less deviant! Well, really the same amount of deviant, but at least I'm not alone.
Awesome job, I love love love it, you're taking this hideous show and making it totally palatable (and let's be honest, making jokes at the expense of people far richer than us is lots of fun!)
love, hugs & kisses,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 25, 2008 8:25 AM
Your recaps are so hilarious! I was thinking the same thing about Chad always sounding like he's reading. Not only reading, but struggling with it. It's so depressing that these idiots are making so much money just going around being idiots. Or trespassing.
Great job! Looking forward to more!
2 of 8 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:23 PM
Simply thinking about the fact that both Chad and Trust Fund make more in a month than I make in a year is enough to make me suicidal. So instead, let's all think about Madison in the shower... mmmm...
P.S. I'm totally stealing your "weakness" line. Maybe now I'll be able to get a job that pays 5% of what those asshats make, instead of the 2% im making now. WOOT!
3 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 25, 2008 1:38 PM
Awesome recap! I just wached this show for the first time last night and I couldn't believe how much freaking money these assholes make in one day!!
And the "weakness" line is a classic interview tool I love telling potential employers that my biggest inperfection is my perfectionism :)
Also, what is up with the BU?!? I live in a place called "Rosemont" which I occaisonally refer to as "The Mont". But I swear I was being ironic...Not serious. Like the BU.
4 of 8 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:14 PM
Bwahahaha. Excellent recap.
Also - can you please do a side-by-side of Victoria and Melissa Etheridge? I suspect they might be long lost twins.
5 of 8 | Posted by ellie | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:51 PM
Why are you so easy on Chad, his hair, neuroses and stupidity and so tough on Josh, just for being an aggressive Hollywood party bitch? Josh is a snarky punk, but at least he's not an OCD Pee-Wee Herman in a bowl cut and Gucci. You're picking the wrong guy for most odious.
6 of 8 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 27, 2008 5:01 PM
hm, on interviews i always say that my weakness is that i sometimes can be TOO detail-oriented. they LOVE that too. in the world of beauracratic bullshit, you cannot be too detail oriented.
awesome recap, i don't watch the show but i read your recaps because you are hilarious. and mmm shower screengrab was yummy.
7 of 8 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:23 AM
bongofl - Chad's boring. He has the personality of a spanish peanut. I work with what I can. Now, if Chad, say, breaks into people's homes and/or gets arrested for stealing priceless artwork from his client's homes, then we'll talk.
In my opinion, Josh is more than a snarky punk - he's a sociopath.
Wow - I got all serious for a second. What's up with that? Seriousness. Is everything.
8 of 8 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:36 AM