Trust Fund goes up to Dr. Gershman, who is building a ranch for his daughter. Again -No phone! And I had to go down to the basement bathroom to shower! Trust Fund says he has bad news about the house: the owner was arrested. Dr. Gershman asks if it was drugs or something and if people will be breaking in. Trust Fund says he's sure it was financial and that there will be no "gang bangers" coming up to the door. Yeah, you can trust him. It's not like he's the type of person who breaks into people's . . . oh, wait. So, the government has seized the house, and is asking $5.3 million. Trust Fund says they should offer $4.5 million. Dr. Gershman says he trusts Trust Fund. I say Dr. Gershman is an idiot. Dr. Gershman signs the contracts that Trust Fund already had printed up. Not shady. Not shady at all.
Back to Chad's hair and Suzan. Chad enlists the help of Mad to help him find Suzan's summer dream home, which is sweet. There's nothing special about this house - okay, the plasma TV that comes out of the ceiling is cool - but of course since it's in Malibu, it's $45,000 a month. Even though it looks like your aunt's house in Des Moines. Suzan passes on the house because the waves outside aren't surfable, and her son needs that. Fascinating.
Chad soothes his real estate blues by buying shoes. He tries on some black shoes and actually says, "Once you go black . . ." You know the rest. You stopped saying it ten years ago, and you certainly wouldn't say it to the salesgirl who's clearly African American. She's all, "Stop!" And in the next scene, as my friends Jen and Jay pointed out, another salesgirl is seen helping Chad. I'm imaging the former salesgirl went up to the new one and was all, "Fuck commission. You can deal with this dude." The new salesgirl blahs on about some shoe that was made in Italy which Chad falls in love with, causing Chad's hair to become extremely jealous and self-conscious. Another broker, Sandro (who's real name is probably Phil), enters and gives Chad the skinny on some Malibu house that'd be just perfy for Suzan. Chad's shoe total? $627.85, or the entire value of every shoe in a Payless store.
No, asshole. We don't have anything in the color of curry.
Meanwhile, at Trust Fund & Grandma's, Dr. Gershman calls. Trust Fund complains that Dr. Gershman calls him all the time about the house. Phone call montage time!
Suzan pulls up to the house; Sandro and Chad are there to show her around. Suzan likey, because it's right on the ocean. On the inside, the house looks like your uncle's house in Evanston. But since it's in Malibu, it's $75,000 a month. Oh, completely doable for you - if you and 124 of your friends want to split it and pay $600 a month. Oh yeah, bitches - I did the math. Suzan thinks it's a lot of money for about 3 seconds but leases it anyway. Now her son can surf. Hey, he should call Elizabeth Gershman! They can, like, hang out and complain about how much they have to pay people to carry them up flights of stairs! And junk! Facebook!
Mad says that now he has an assistant he has more time for a social life/dating. As Madison showers, he . . . oh my. Oooooh my. So nice. Anyway, while Madison showers and I adjust my BVDs, he voiceovers that sexuality "is an open thing" for him, and he's "open to both men and women." Yeah, Mad? Pretty sure men is the option for ya. His friends set him up on a blind date - they invited this person to the dinner party Mad is hosting. The doorbell rings, and guess who it is? It's Jaleel White, better known as Steve Erkel on ABC's hit sitcom "Family Matters!" Nah, just teasin'. It's his date, Erin. Erin is a guy. And no, it's not "Aaron," and yes, Erin knows that the way his name is spelled is "the girl's way," so just shut up about it because it's annoying.
Really, really bad time to advertise for text messaging rates, jerks.
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Comments (8)
Awesome Job Hypno! I'm SO glad to know I'm not the only one who gets, um, sexually excited by people who appear fleetingly on the reality shows I recap. Now I feel a tad less deviant! Well, really the same amount of deviant, but at least I'm not alone.
Awesome job, I love love love it, you're taking this hideous show and making it totally palatable (and let's be honest, making jokes at the expense of people far richer than us is lots of fun!)
love, hugs & kisses,
xoxox
J-Mo :)
1 of 8 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 25, 2008 8:25 AM
Your recaps are so hilarious! I was thinking the same thing about Chad always sounding like he's reading. Not only reading, but struggling with it. It's so depressing that these idiots are making so much money just going around being idiots. Or trespassing.
Great job! Looking forward to more!
2 of 8 | Posted by Honey Gangsta | Posted on August 25, 2008 12:23 PM
Simply thinking about the fact that both Chad and Trust Fund make more in a month than I make in a year is enough to make me suicidal. So instead, let's all think about Madison in the shower... mmmm...
P.S. I'm totally stealing your "weakness" line. Maybe now I'll be able to get a job that pays 5% of what those asshats make, instead of the 2% im making now. WOOT!
3 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on August 25, 2008 1:38 PM
Awesome recap! I just wached this show for the first time last night and I couldn't believe how much freaking money these assholes make in one day!!
And the "weakness" line is a classic interview tool I love telling potential employers that my biggest inperfection is my perfectionism :)
Also, what is up with the BU?!? I live in a place called "Rosemont" which I occaisonally refer to as "The Mont". But I swear I was being ironic...Not serious. Like the BU.
4 of 8 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 27, 2008 1:14 PM
Bwahahaha. Excellent recap.
Also - can you please do a side-by-side of Victoria and Melissa Etheridge? I suspect they might be long lost twins.
5 of 8 | Posted by ellie | Posted on August 27, 2008 3:51 PM
Why are you so easy on Chad, his hair, neuroses and stupidity and so tough on Josh, just for being an aggressive Hollywood party bitch? Josh is a snarky punk, but at least he's not an OCD Pee-Wee Herman in a bowl cut and Gucci. You're picking the wrong guy for most odious.
6 of 8 | Posted by bongofl | Posted on August 27, 2008 5:01 PM
hm, on interviews i always say that my weakness is that i sometimes can be TOO detail-oriented. they LOVE that too. in the world of beauracratic bullshit, you cannot be too detail oriented.
awesome recap, i don't watch the show but i read your recaps because you are hilarious. and mmm shower screengrab was yummy.
7 of 8 | Posted by mrsdaddytom | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:23 AM
bongofl - Chad's boring. He has the personality of a spanish peanut. I work with what I can. Now, if Chad, say, breaks into people's homes and/or gets arrested for stealing priceless artwork from his client's homes, then we'll talk.
In my opinion, Josh is more than a snarky punk - he's a sociopath.
Wow - I got all serious for a second. What's up with that? Seriousness. Is everything.
8 of 8 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on August 28, 2008 10:36 AM