The house is cute, but again, it so does not look like it should be sold for $1.995 million. There's a tiny Smurf pool in the backyard. Kim calls Mad and is all, get over here because it's so cute! And so he does. And I will admit that there is a nice yard area with the house. There's lots of birds out and about, which sounds good now, but after a week, Kim is going to come out in a robe, Miller Lite and Parliament in her hand, yelling, "Shut the fuck up birds! You woke me up at 5:30, you feathered bastards!!" And then the neighbors will call the cops and it will just be a big mess. Mad says Kim should go in at $1.9. Kim says she wants the house, so she going to go for it! I like Kim. Actually, I like all of Mad's clients. They seem normal. Un-douchey. Potential commission? $57,000, or almost as much as I'll owe on my grad school loans. Eff you, School of the Art Institute of Chicago!
Back to Chad. Ugh, Chad's voice! I really think he writes everything down on his Armani stationary before he does voice-overs. Or perhaps his hair is hiding one of those brain slug aliens from Futurama. Ooh, the funky beats tell us that we're going to be shown the house. Blah blah blah 6 bedrooms, whirlpool bathtub blah. A state of the art kitchen with - get this! - a stove, oven and refrigerator! You can't get that anywhere else! Except any other house in America, excluding some parts of Florida. There's an outside Cabana lounge, which increases the price of the house only if you call it a "ca-ban-YA." Okay, so I don't get this: I see these things all the time in L.A. (by which I mean the L.A. I see on TV, which is like 3% of L.A.). Does it really not rain that often? Wouldn't the furniture get all wet and mildewy after it rained? It's just not sensible.
Cuttino sits Chad down and breaks the horrible news to him: He's going to cool off on selling the house for a bit because he's going to Vegas to train. And you guys, the stupid music they have playing after this bombshell is so over-the-top dramatic. It's like from The Shining when the elevator opens and the blood pours out. Also, since Cuttino said he was training in Vegas, I don't think the Clippers are hockey anymore. So, let's go with soccer. Ah, wait. Chad says that Cuttino is in "basketball training camp" for two months out of the year. So, this is like Jr. NBA? What is that called? I'm sure there's a name for it. Oh, shut up. I don't do sports. I do Friends trivia. And Skip-Bo. Meanwhile, Chad's hair is slowly taking over the rest of his body. I think Chad is going to help Cuttino find a house in Vegas? Chad's not licensed in Nevada, so he can show Cuttino some houses in his range and then refer him to a Nevada dealer. Wait, so no commission? Chad's hair is worried.
But not selling your house = breast cancer! HOW DID MY ANALOGY FAIL? HOOOOWWWW??!?!?!?
Back to Trust Fund. Grandma set him up with some dead people's houses. Holy shit, he's showing a house for over $6 million, and his commission is like $335,000. Take a moment. Feel that? Yeah, that's you, crapping your pants. I'll give you a few minutes to clean up. Just throw them away, it's never coming out. Better? Okay. His clients are in the "fabric" business and are looking for a bigger house for their growing "family," meaning they want to hire another full-time nanny for their three kids because the first one is just getting so overloaded raising their kids while they play golf and plan breast cancer awareness banquets. Stupid funky music, big house, looks like old people decorated it with old people stuff.
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Comments (11)
It "never" rains in LA because LA is, climatically speaking, a desert. It gets about 12 inches of rain per year, or about 4 times as many inches as Josh's girlfriend gets nightly.
The only reason you see a tree, or grass, or ANYTHING green in LA is because the city steals, err, diverts, water from rivers hundreds, and even thousands, of miles away. So, go ahead and add greenery to "breasts" on the list of things that are all fake in LA. And have fun in that open-air cabana.
PS: the Clippers are an NBA team in LA. They are just really bad so nobody cares about them.
1 of 11 | Posted by swimbikerun | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:01 AM
I do not even know what to say after this episode. I thought it was impossible for this show to get any more BOOOOOORING after the first ep, but wouldn't you know it .... You live and learn...
I will never ever believe that Chad is 30 years old. Look at his face, listen to his voice, watch his interactions with his 'girlfriend' Victoria. He reeks of an unsecure teenager. What a bufoon. And his voice-overs are seriously killing me - and not in a good, dying from laughter, way. How a person SOOOOOOOO boring got on a TV show? It is beyond me.
You know, I actually went to the Bravo page for this show, but there is nothing there. I found a nugget though on IMBD. This douchebag has a 'Professional Resume' posted there. LOL. He lists himself as a 'Performer', covering ages '18-25' (I guess as an 'actor'). He has an AGENT!! Plus he proudly lists 2 (TWO) HOSTING COURSES he took in LA. Because, you never know when some idiot may stop you in the street and ask you to host his suicide party. That is the only type of party his hosting may be actually suited to the mood of.
After all, It is Hollywood! Resume-is-Everything. Truth, not so much...
As for Mad, I thought it was really sad when he talked with his 'girl friend' with the effed-up name about his sexuality. Why sad? Because I could see, when she said 'there are other girls out there' that she clearly meant HERSELF! She seems to have major hots for him, and I think he knew that too, and that was the reason he got so uncomfortable and split. Poor her..
As for Trust Fund - all I can say is Karma is a bitch. The client deserved exactly the type of broker they got. What an unpleasant people (kids excluded, I'd never blame kids for their parents' idiotisms). I salute his Granny for telling him she will consign all her wealth to charity, he will not get a penny from her. I was ROFLMAO. His facial expression was priceless when she said it. It was all ' shit, no reason to hope for her to croak anymore. Life IS a BITCH'.
Hypnotoad - I am amazed and truly impressed that you are able to sit thru this garbage week after week and sacrifice your time and friends for us to be able to read you hillarious recaps - they are the only reason that I keep coming back to this wreck of a show. BRAVO should pay you, seriously. You must be responsible for a huge portion of their viewer retention. Just remember that no good deed goes unpunished - your IQ level is bound to drop precipitously becasue of this crap taking a hold on it. Just know, we are on that downward spin with you. Now that I think about it - it is because of you. I just figured it out- YOU are responsible for my getting stupider and stupider. If it wasn't for your recaps I wouldn't have to watch the show, and my brain would be safe. Ahhh, what you gonna do. Some of us have to go thru life sacrificing. Lots of Love for the great job you're doing.
2 of 11 | Posted by renia | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:09 AM
Well, thank ya. I find it kind of funny to see comments on here that say (in essence): "I don't watch the show, but I read the recaps." I say KIND OF funny because those people do not feel the physical pain that has been inflicted upon me.
I'm so glad I can contribute to your stupidosity! Yay!
3 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:29 AM
I loved 8-head girlfriend of Mad's, and you nailed the definitions Hypnotoad! Except in Mad's case I think it should be spelled Pollyamorous (like what his drag name is going to be).
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. and actually, the winter of '97-'98 was an El Niño year, and we all made fun of that... up until it started raining. And it rained and rained and rained and rained and all the roads leading to downtown Encino (where I worked) were all flooded out all the time and it majorly sucked and everybody hated it. It does happen sometimes, though, which is why there will be a crapload of mudslides out in the 'BU and all the local 'BU-ites whine and cry on the news about it... :)
4 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 2, 2008 1:04 PM
Why does Lauren, the bitchy assistant, look so familiar? It's driving me nuts- someone please help!
5 of 11 | Posted by natural redhead | Posted on September 2, 2008 11:55 PM
I believe you know her from the book of Revelation...
6 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on September 3, 2008 3:10 PM
Why would anyone buy anything from these clowns?? They are the most annoying people. There has to be better agents then them. I hate Chad's hair, I want to go over and mess it up.
7 of 11 | Posted by 1219tracy | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:06 PM
I think Lauren may remind you of that red head from Top Chef..they could be sisters. If they are what the hell did there parents do to wind up with such bitches.
8 of 11 | Posted by lotsofun80 | Posted on September 4, 2008 1:15 AM
I think Chad has a seriously receding hairline, how else could you justify that hair? His dad is a total cue ball. Also, in Palm Springs, Chad was wearing that headband to keep his hair in place.
Ever notice how he keeps fussing with his hair in the car mirror?
9 of 11 | Posted by Sandogg | Posted on September 5, 2008 11:29 PM
lauren looks familar to me too. so i looked her up:
beta.koolse.com/lauren-sanderson
her name is lauren sanderson and if you read her bio, you'll see that she is seriously small potatos. she used to be in advertising before she was a "manager". that was probably her 4th time ever riding in (the back of) a limo, no wonder she was an uncomfortable bitch.
10 of 11 | Posted by tvgirl | Posted on September 10, 2008 2:01 PM
lauren looks familar to me too. so i looked her up:
beta.koolse.com/lauren-sanderson
her name is lauren sanderson and if you read her bio, you'll see that she is seriously small potatos. she used to be in advertising before she was a "manager". that was probably her 4th time ever riding in (the back of) a limo, no wonder she was an uncomfortable bitch.
11 of 11 | Posted by tvgirl | Posted on September 10, 2008 2:02 PM