Yeah, so you know how I give Chad crap for "reading" his voice-overs and interviews? Well, Madison is doing that, for 100% reals, y'all. "Real estate can be a 24 hour a day job. I like to take time out to have some fun. And today I'm going surfing with my ex-girlfriend." What is this, Audio-Reader? Mad met Lauren in Spain and they fell in love. Who doesn't fall in love in Spain? I could meet Ann Coulter in Spain and we'd fall in love, for pete's sakes. Mad tells us that he still loves Lauren. You love Spain, Mad. Forget Spain! Mad makes the day of surfing completely uncomfortable for Lauren by confessing that he still may have feelings for her. And by, you know, having the conversation televised nationally. He goes on about feelings and what-not. Lauren, being one cool chick, says that it's the perfect time for them to be friends. Mad's friends are kind of awesome. You know who else is awesome? Erin! You snooze, you lose, Madison! He's mine now, beyotch.
The other Lauren, Cuttino's manager, who totally didn't decide that she wanted to be the one to see houses at the last minute after finding out she could be on TV, gets into a limo with Chad. Chad looks really goth in the limo. Oh god, they're getting ready to show a house. I'm afraid of the funky music. Whoa, Lauren is like 7 feet tall. Oh god, the music! Please, Lord, make them stop. Lauren's apparently so tall that she's too big for her britches. She bitches about stupid shit like nightstands and frayed curtains, and then makes everyone uncomfortable by being a self-righteous, self-serving a-hole who clearly knows nothing about real estate. More stupid funky music as they see another big-ass house that you can't afford. This one has a disco, a chopper (motorcycle) room, a bowling alley, imported chandeliers. And it is probably the tackiest house I've ever seen, but it's Vegas, so everything is actually tasteful by that city's standards.
Lauren tries to be funny, but since her sense of humor relies on completely and total evil, it doesn't work. In the limo, Lauren is a completely rude bitch to the driver, who opens her door for her while she's talking on her cell phone. The nerve! Don't try to do your job around Lauren, you silly blue-collar man! Victoria looks like she hates Lauren, and is thinking that Lauren is the worst excuse for a human being she's ever seen in her life. You know what? She's pretty much right. Chad asks Lauren what the deal is, and Lauren just looks at him and rolls her eyes. Wow, I didn't think I could hate anyone more than Trust Fund, but I do. Lauren, I dub thee Queen Douchebag, lady of all things Douchbaggy. I hope Cuttino sees this and fires her ass, because she is just not a nice person at all. That girl is evil, evil I tells ya!
I've got a sock that would bunch up beautifully into that cavern, you witch.
Back to Trust Fund, who is a breath of fresh air after the pure wickedness of Lauren. Trust Fund actually did hire an inspector. So, I'll suck it up and take it back - he's apparently doing things properly. Today. The buyers sit on the couch while the inspection goes on. They try not to think about their children, and instead focus on important things, like wallpaper. After the break, the results!
Here are the results: Plumbing problems and . . . other stuff that I don't understand and would bore you. The buyers want to discuss price reduction.
Back to Mad. Sitting alone at a restaurant! So sad! Oh, he's just waiting for Kim. She gets there and he says the inspection wasn't that bad. Some roof stuff makes Kim nervous - she wants a "substantial" reduction of $20,000. Mad's a little worried about that.
Chad's back from Vegas. Cuttino is getting a manicure (dude, seriously?) and Chad meets him at the salon. Chad joins in on getting manis and pedis. Cuttino blahs that he couldn't go to Vegas because his co-captain was injured or something. I don't know. It's sports stuff, so I sort of tuned out. But did you know Chandler Bing's middle name is Muriel? Cuttino still wants to sell his house though, and still wants Chad to do it, because it's TV and Cuttino wants those 15 minutes, dammit!
I just hate her so much I had to post her big stupid face twice. I hope she gets stuck like this for life.
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Comments (11)
It "never" rains in LA because LA is, climatically speaking, a desert. It gets about 12 inches of rain per year, or about 4 times as many inches as Josh's girlfriend gets nightly.
The only reason you see a tree, or grass, or ANYTHING green in LA is because the city steals, err, diverts, water from rivers hundreds, and even thousands, of miles away. So, go ahead and add greenery to "breasts" on the list of things that are all fake in LA. And have fun in that open-air cabana.
PS: the Clippers are an NBA team in LA. They are just really bad so nobody cares about them.
1 of 11 | Posted by swimbikerun | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:01 AM
I do not even know what to say after this episode. I thought it was impossible for this show to get any more BOOOOOORING after the first ep, but wouldn't you know it .... You live and learn...
I will never ever believe that Chad is 30 years old. Look at his face, listen to his voice, watch his interactions with his 'girlfriend' Victoria. He reeks of an unsecure teenager. What a bufoon. And his voice-overs are seriously killing me - and not in a good, dying from laughter, way. How a person SOOOOOOOO boring got on a TV show? It is beyond me.
You know, I actually went to the Bravo page for this show, but there is nothing there. I found a nugget though on IMBD. This douchebag has a 'Professional Resume' posted there. LOL. He lists himself as a 'Performer', covering ages '18-25' (I guess as an 'actor'). He has an AGENT!! Plus he proudly lists 2 (TWO) HOSTING COURSES he took in LA. Because, you never know when some idiot may stop you in the street and ask you to host his suicide party. That is the only type of party his hosting may be actually suited to the mood of.
After all, It is Hollywood! Resume-is-Everything. Truth, not so much...
As for Mad, I thought it was really sad when he talked with his 'girl friend' with the effed-up name about his sexuality. Why sad? Because I could see, when she said 'there are other girls out there' that she clearly meant HERSELF! She seems to have major hots for him, and I think he knew that too, and that was the reason he got so uncomfortable and split. Poor her..
As for Trust Fund - all I can say is Karma is a bitch. The client deserved exactly the type of broker they got. What an unpleasant people (kids excluded, I'd never blame kids for their parents' idiotisms). I salute his Granny for telling him she will consign all her wealth to charity, he will not get a penny from her. I was ROFLMAO. His facial expression was priceless when she said it. It was all ' shit, no reason to hope for her to croak anymore. Life IS a BITCH'.
Hypnotoad - I am amazed and truly impressed that you are able to sit thru this garbage week after week and sacrifice your time and friends for us to be able to read you hillarious recaps - they are the only reason that I keep coming back to this wreck of a show. BRAVO should pay you, seriously. You must be responsible for a huge portion of their viewer retention. Just remember that no good deed goes unpunished - your IQ level is bound to drop precipitously becasue of this crap taking a hold on it. Just know, we are on that downward spin with you. Now that I think about it - it is because of you. I just figured it out- YOU are responsible for my getting stupider and stupider. If it wasn't for your recaps I wouldn't have to watch the show, and my brain would be safe. Ahhh, what you gonna do. Some of us have to go thru life sacrificing. Lots of Love for the great job you're doing.
2 of 11 | Posted by renia | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:09 AM
Well, thank ya. I find it kind of funny to see comments on here that say (in essence): "I don't watch the show, but I read the recaps." I say KIND OF funny because those people do not feel the physical pain that has been inflicted upon me.
I'm so glad I can contribute to your stupidosity! Yay!
3 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on September 2, 2008 10:29 AM
I loved 8-head girlfriend of Mad's, and you nailed the definitions Hypnotoad! Except in Mad's case I think it should be spelled Pollyamorous (like what his drag name is going to be).
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. and actually, the winter of '97-'98 was an El Niño year, and we all made fun of that... up until it started raining. And it rained and rained and rained and rained and all the roads leading to downtown Encino (where I worked) were all flooded out all the time and it majorly sucked and everybody hated it. It does happen sometimes, though, which is why there will be a crapload of mudslides out in the 'BU and all the local 'BU-ites whine and cry on the news about it... :)
4 of 11 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 2, 2008 1:04 PM
Why does Lauren, the bitchy assistant, look so familiar? It's driving me nuts- someone please help!
5 of 11 | Posted by natural redhead | Posted on September 2, 2008 11:55 PM
I believe you know her from the book of Revelation...
6 of 11 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on September 3, 2008 3:10 PM
Why would anyone buy anything from these clowns?? They are the most annoying people. There has to be better agents then them. I hate Chad's hair, I want to go over and mess it up.
7 of 11 | Posted by 1219tracy | Posted on September 3, 2008 10:06 PM
I think Lauren may remind you of that red head from Top Chef..they could be sisters. If they are what the hell did there parents do to wind up with such bitches.
8 of 11 | Posted by lotsofun80 | Posted on September 4, 2008 1:15 AM
I think Chad has a seriously receding hairline, how else could you justify that hair? His dad is a total cue ball. Also, in Palm Springs, Chad was wearing that headband to keep his hair in place.
Ever notice how he keeps fussing with his hair in the car mirror?
9 of 11 | Posted by Sandogg | Posted on September 5, 2008 11:29 PM
lauren looks familar to me too. so i looked her up:
beta.koolse.com/lauren-sanderson
her name is lauren sanderson and if you read her bio, you'll see that she is seriously small potatos. she used to be in advertising before she was a "manager". that was probably her 4th time ever riding in (the back of) a limo, no wonder she was an uncomfortable bitch.
10 of 11 | Posted by tvgirl | Posted on September 10, 2008 2:01 PM
lauren looks familar to me too. so i looked her up:
beta.koolse.com/lauren-sanderson
her name is lauren sanderson and if you read her bio, you'll see that she is seriously small potatos. she used to be in advertising before she was a "manager". that was probably her 4th time ever riding in (the back of) a limo, no wonder she was an uncomfortable bitch.
11 of 11 | Posted by tvgirl | Posted on September 10, 2008 2:02 PM