This week on Million Dollar Listing: Chad gets some bad news about Cuttino's house. Madison, in the most boring segment yet, sells a house to some spoiled rich kid. Trust Fund, on the other hand, comes across as almost sympathetic. I know, right?! Let's get started so we can get ended.
When a fat stinky French guy makes fun of your grooming skills, you need to check yourself.
Whee! Another hour of Real Estate Agent$ and ego$ on Million Dollar Li$ting. Another annoying credit sequence where Bravo has oh-so cleverly $ub$tituted "s" for "$." Another hour of suicide contemplation by yours truly. Let's get started, shall we?
Trust Fund drives to Pierre's house. Pierre is a client, whose son Reuben is also going to be involved and . . . son of a bitch! We're not even 2 minutes into this piece of crap, and here comes the damn house-showing music. Yeah, so the house is big and all, but there's like one piece of furniture in each room. It's kind of creepy. Sunken whirlpool tub. Pool. Chandelier. Meanwhile, you sit on the futon you got from Target, in the irregular sweat pants you bought in bulk from Costco, eating Cheetos directly out of the bag. I'm not judging, it's just that you're not nearly as fabulous as anyone on this show.
Anyway, Pierre asks Trust Fund if he wants some coffee, or water, or whiskey, or champagne. Trust Fund is all, "Yeah, whiskey!" And Pierre is all, "It's 9:30 in the morning." Trust Fund says, "Yeah, let's go for it!" I believe Pierre thinks that he's kidding. Why the hell do people do business with Trust Fund? He constantly looks like he's hung-over, probably because he actually is, and he's completely unprofessional. Pierre says the house is too big. Agreed, dude - you have like 2 beds and a treadmill. Pierre says the house should go for $10 million, Trust Fund says $7 million. Pierre makes some Lakers analogy. I don't know. Pierre, being French, is annoying and stinky. They agree on $8.5 million.
That kitchen must be stank.
Chad is still trying to work with Cuttino. Whoo. More house-selling music as we're shown Cuttino's house. We saw it last week, you stupid Bravo bitches! Chad sits Cuttino down and shows him some houses. Chad tries to talk to Cuttino about market value and blah, and Cuttino just sits there, as if this is first time he's hearing the English language. He's like Nell, if Nell was a black man who played basketball for a second-rate team that no one outside L.A. has even heard of.
Madison. He's taking some kid to see a house, because he "wants to get out of the dorms and into a house before school starts." What the fuck? Dude, it's called Craigslist. Let's begin hating Taylor, shall we? He goes to Pepperdine University, he'll be a junior, and he wanted to move off campus. So daddy gave him a budget of $1.5 million. Which is exactly like my college experience when I moved off-campus. I'm sure Taylor, like me, will have to work both on-campus and also at the American Eagle distribution center to earn money for rent. He wants 3 or more bedrooms. Completely reasonable. I guess Mad has no houses to show in his price range. House-selling music as Mad show a house that's listed for $1.8 million. Taylor hates it. I hate Taylor. I hate this show. Hate. Mad shows another house for $2.3 million. Taylor says the house is "feminine." So it should be perfect! Whatever. He calls his daddy in Dallas and says that the market is different in California. So daddy is coming down from Texas. Oh! I hope he's exactly like Joe Don Baker! You know, Mitchell? My my my my Mitchell. Come on! MST3K!
Just because I haven't started growing hair on any part of my body doesn't mean I want a girl house.
Back to stinky Pierre and his empty house. Pierre agrees to $8.495 million. Hee! He calls Trust Fund a drama queen AND he says, "Fuck him" when Trust Fund leaves. Oh, merde! C'est vrai, non? Oui. C'est vrai et amusant. Sacre bleu! And so on.
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Comments (9)
It doesn't matter how much money Big Daddy spends on that house because... it's going to smell like beer eventually anyway. Yay Mitchell!!
Loved the recap.
1 of 9 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on September 8, 2008 2:57 PM
I stopped watching this steaming pile of crap a couple of weeks ago, but I want to thank you for taking one for the team. Your recaps are always hilarious!
P.S. Next week please include some pictures of Madison (preferably naked, if possible). Thanks!!
h4b
2 of 9 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on September 8, 2008 4:47 PM
Interestingly enough, I just got into it during a marathon over the weekend - and I don't do reality (PR & TC notwithstanding).
Honestly, Pierre's as big a douche as Trust Fund. But he had a point of not doing business with someone dressed like that.
And something tells me Trust Fund was expecting someone in his room during the party that he didn't want the camera to see. Maybe the guy he got caught & arrested with doing something in the backseat of a car back in May. Hence the wine, the candles, the cake, the state of UNDRESS.
3 of 9 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 8, 2008 7:16 PM
I honestly think that Stinky Pierre decided that since his son was such a 'star' and got both offers himself ,that there was no reason to share commission with Trust Fund. Most likely there even were no offers, since they would not let TF see the papers or learn the details. The Stinker just used it as an excuse to cancel the deal with TF, and take the house off the market, so he can put it back on under his sons sole realtorship, and save on commission (yeah, I think that is exactly the kind of dick he is).
4 of 9 | Posted by renata | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:14 PM
hutchlover - what is this about Trustie getting arrested for some kind of George Michael thing? What's up with that? I'd heard of him getting into trouble for stealing art works, but yours sounds more intriguing.
Dish!
5 of 9 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 9, 2008 10:52 AM
hypno- He was arrested in July for the art theft (which BTW turns out did occur, but they were fakes and the owners didn't want it out that the works were fake, hence the dropped charges).
In May he got arrested on a public lewdness charge for "misbehaving" on a public street in a car with another guy.
6 of 9 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 9, 2008 6:30 PM
trying again. if it posts twice, I apologize.
Josh was arrested in July for theft - which did occur, but the items stolen were fake, and the owners didn't want that to get out. Hence the dropping of the charges.
In May he was arrested for public lewdness in a car with another guy on a public street.
7 of 9 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 9, 2008 6:32 PM
I don't usually watch TV but lord have mercy....I somehow managed to get sucked into 3 back to back episodes of this mindless diarrhea. Help me quick before my IQ plummets to double digits. From now on, I'll stick to your blogs. They're far more superior.
8 of 9 | Posted by neversleeps | Posted on September 9, 2008 9:28 PM
Trust Fund looks like a lesbian in man drag.
9 of 9 | Posted by susie | Posted on September 10, 2008 6:27 AM