Trust Fund dances with his friends. Yeah, I'm on the fence regarding his sexuality. From the way he grinds up on the girls - almost sexual, but not quite - I'm gonna go with bi-curious. Some weird-looking drunk-as-hell dude puts his arm around Trust Fund and says the most heinous, disgusting thing: "You're awesome and you found me, like, my grandma a home, and she's like fucking 90 and about to die and I'm about to get all her money I love it!" Trust Fund's reply, "Go inside, you piece of shit!" Hee! Good for him. Oh my god, first I was feeling a bit sorry for Trust Fund and now I think he's kind of nice and sexy and funny?! What the hell is wrong with me?! His cake is actually nice and simple-ish. Okay, you guys, I know I make fun of Josh (Trust Fund), but this next part actually makes me feel sad. Josh goes up to his room in the hotel, alone, and says that there are 150 people downstairs, but he has two friends. He says, sounding really sad, that he feels the same way he did when he turned 21, 20, 19, 18. "Just another year older." See? That's kind of sad. I would absolutely love it if Josh turned a complete 180, gave up real estate, and joined the Peace Corps or something. I actually think that would be good for him. Oh, I'm sorry? What's that you're saying? You came here to read something funny, not something sympathetic? Yeah, I'll get right on that.
This cake is made of worms.
Chad's back at Cuttino's old house, and he's showing it to another agent and her client. The wood in the wine cellar is fucked up, and after the client leaves, Chad does some house detection and discovers water damage underneath the hard wood floor. Wow, I can't believe that someone as shady as Cuttino and his Daughter of Satan manager would neglect to tell him about that. Speak of the devil! Chad calls her on the phone. She's probably at her desk, eating her lunch. Something light, maybe, like Wheat Thins and a mug of O Negative blood. He tells her about the wood floors and water damage, and walks outside to a big puddle of water, telling her that it's seeping into the house. Lauren's response? "Okay, this is what I need you to do. Lock the door to the wine cellar door and tell people there's a wine cellar in here, but unfortunately the owners locked it and I'll have to show it to you next time if you're interested. Just lie." Okay, this beyotch knows that Chad is on a tv show. She knows he's being taped. Why the fuck doesn't she think that maybe, just maybe, the people who end up with the house will watch the show, find out they were lied to, and sue? I can't even see Lauren and she's pissing me off! Chad says that he'd rather not say anything and have her get it fixed because he's not going to lie. Atta boy.
Trust Fund calls Stinky Pierre, who tells him that he's working on two offers. Both of the offers are Reuben's clients. Reuben is Pierre's son remember. I'm sure you remember, and I'm sure you don't care.
You can tell we're getting to the end of the show, because each dude's segments are getting shorter. Kind of like my patience. Big Daddy's offer was accepted. Next come inspections. $78,000 is the potential commission. Some guy does a mold inspection. Riveting, riveting stuff. Mmm, the mold inspector's kind of hunky in a bear-y kind of way. Oh, and everything's fine. No mold.
Just boredom.
Back to Chad. John, a contractor, and Marvin, an inspector come to Cuttino's house to inspect the water damage. See, this is why I rent. Toilet breaks? Call your landlord. Leaky faucet? Call your landlord. And you don't have to pay a dime. Dude, the contractor and inspector do not have good news. They might as well have built the house directly on the Pacific Ocean. Water, water everywhere. Heh - the contractor says, "Yeah, it looks like he's kind of screwed right now." Holy shit! The contractor tells them that if they don't, like, rip up the entire first floor, that they'll lose the kitchen and pretty much everything else on that side of the house. They have to take the house of the market, and Chad loses a $99,875 commission. Oopsie daisies!
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Comments (9)
It doesn't matter how much money Big Daddy spends on that house because... it's going to smell like beer eventually anyway. Yay Mitchell!!
Loved the recap.
1 of 9 | Posted by kizarny | Posted on September 8, 2008 2:57 PM
I stopped watching this steaming pile of crap a couple of weeks ago, but I want to thank you for taking one for the team. Your recaps are always hilarious!
P.S. Next week please include some pictures of Madison (preferably naked, if possible). Thanks!!
h4b
2 of 9 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on September 8, 2008 4:47 PM
Interestingly enough, I just got into it during a marathon over the weekend - and I don't do reality (PR & TC notwithstanding).
Honestly, Pierre's as big a douche as Trust Fund. But he had a point of not doing business with someone dressed like that.
And something tells me Trust Fund was expecting someone in his room during the party that he didn't want the camera to see. Maybe the guy he got caught & arrested with doing something in the backseat of a car back in May. Hence the wine, the candles, the cake, the state of UNDRESS.
3 of 9 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 8, 2008 7:16 PM
I honestly think that Stinky Pierre decided that since his son was such a 'star' and got both offers himself ,that there was no reason to share commission with Trust Fund. Most likely there even were no offers, since they would not let TF see the papers or learn the details. The Stinker just used it as an excuse to cancel the deal with TF, and take the house off the market, so he can put it back on under his sons sole realtorship, and save on commission (yeah, I think that is exactly the kind of dick he is).
4 of 9 | Posted by renata | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:14 PM
hutchlover - what is this about Trustie getting arrested for some kind of George Michael thing? What's up with that? I'd heard of him getting into trouble for stealing art works, but yours sounds more intriguing.
Dish!
5 of 9 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 9, 2008 10:52 AM
hypno- He was arrested in July for the art theft (which BTW turns out did occur, but they were fakes and the owners didn't want it out that the works were fake, hence the dropped charges).
In May he got arrested on a public lewdness charge for "misbehaving" on a public street in a car with another guy.
6 of 9 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 9, 2008 6:30 PM
trying again. if it posts twice, I apologize.
Josh was arrested in July for theft - which did occur, but the items stolen were fake, and the owners didn't want that to get out. Hence the dropping of the charges.
In May he was arrested for public lewdness in a car with another guy on a public street.
7 of 9 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 9, 2008 6:32 PM
I don't usually watch TV but lord have mercy....I somehow managed to get sucked into 3 back to back episodes of this mindless diarrhea. Help me quick before my IQ plummets to double digits. From now on, I'll stick to your blogs. They're far more superior.
8 of 9 | Posted by neversleeps | Posted on September 9, 2008 9:28 PM
Trust Fund looks like a lesbian in man drag.
9 of 9 | Posted by susie | Posted on September 10, 2008 6:27 AM