This week on Million Dollar Listing: Chad and Trust Fund fight like 7th grade girls. Madison tries to sell some land. Chad finds a house for a family friend and his mom creeps me out. Trust Fund spends time with granny and attempts to make the biggest sale of his life. In the end, all will deal with personal demons. I, for one, am just glad this train wreck of a show has finally ended.
This is how everyone should dress when they visit their grandma.
Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod! It'$ the la$t epi$ode of Million Dollar Li$ting! How excited are we?! Let's get this bitch on the road.
Chad's trying to close a deal on a house for Judith, a "social and political activist" who is "independently wealthy from an inheritance." Meaning, "Judith wrote one check to a breast cancer fund last year and hasn't had a job since 1982." I'm just guessing. Judith wants some $6 million house, and she tells Chad that she's not going to be expressive because she doesn't want the sellers to know how much she wants the house. In an interview, Judith seems like she's not going to be expressive because, in reality, she just took a couple Valium.
Irene, another agent, greets Chad and Judith in the living room. Stupid, stupid house showing music. Because some of you bastards have stated you don't actually watch the show, I'm planning on putting this music on a loop and attaching it to this recap. It will play over and over, and you will feel the intense pain I've felt for these past 5 episodes. The house has lots of light and a . . . oh, no one cares. Chad says Judith fell in love with the house a couple years ago when it was $2 million less. Chad tells Judith that if she wants the house, she has to make an offer at the listing price and blah escrow blah. So, Judith's going to pony up $6,695,000. Chad says she's a first-time home buyer. Seriously?
I'M TIRED OF RENTING! Throwing breast cancer galas in a studio apartment is seriously embarrassing.
Trust Fund. He sleeps with a face mask. And with boys, as hutchlover pointed out in the comments! Although he prefers a moving vehicle for that kind of stuff. Aw, still depressed. And as I've pointed out before, he always sounds like he has a cold. Maybe allergies? Some Claritin will clear that right up, Josh. Your other problems? Not so easy to solve. Miguel, an "artist," sends a limo to pick up Trust Fund and take him to his house. Both Miguel and the house apparently live in Miami Vice circa 1985. Gross. Like every single client of Trust Fund's, Miguel has an accent. Miguel wants to build some stupid house with a discotheque. So, Trust Fund needs to find a lot for Miguel's Euro Trash Disco House. Do the hustle!
Curtains. Read up.
Madison. Remember when we all thought Madison was slightly more interesting than the others because he had that weird bi-sexual thing? Ah, memories -- light the corner of my mind. Not any more. This show is like a rice cake, bland and awkward to eat. Mad hit a milestone - his first double digit listing for $15 million. Whee. Apparently, some "celebrity" wants to sell 22 acres of land. I bet it's Carrot Top. Dude is ugly as sin and funny as tree bark, but I bet he's pretty shrewd when it comes to business. Ashley and Mad meet Simon, a British photographer, who takes photos of the property. Potential commission? $300,000. And you know what I'm eating this week? Hot dogs. Not even the all beef kind - the kind made from chicken, pork, turkey, and god knows what else. Because that's all I can afford. Meanwhile, these effing bastards are taking baths in caviar, drinking Cristal, and buying hairless cats. And you know what, you stupid 'Bu bastards? Being a realtor looks really easy. If Marge Simpson and Francine Smith can do it, than anyone can. So suck on that.
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Comments (14)
What the eff?? I asked for naked pictures of Madison, not for pictures of Madison masquerading as Todd Oldham! Shame on you, hypno!!
But seriously, I loved all of your recaps and I hope you get to recap a good show soon. Hey-- Heroes is coming back on! Someone will need to fill J-Unit's sizable shoes on that one. Pretty please!?
1 of 14 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on September 13, 2008 2:04 PM
From your mouth to Flipit and gods of TVGasm's ears, my friend.
And honestly, wouldn't ANY show after this one be good?
2 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 13, 2008 7:53 PM
Flipit and the gods of TVgasm... arent they one and the same?
And yes, I second the fact that you need a better show! Heroes would be awesome :)
3 of 14 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on September 13, 2008 8:29 PM
HEY! hypno will be returning in two weeks with desperate housewives! he's gonna kill it! t.vo is going to do heroes this year, and if her recaps are anything like her american idol recaps or last year's heroes, i think you will all fall in love and make little babies. this fall is gonna kick some ass, y'all. LOVE
4 of 14 | Posted by flipit | Posted on September 13, 2008 11:09 PM
Oh yeah! I'm totally pumped to give y'all some DH love. I. Love. That. Show.
5 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 14, 2008 10:07 AM
Hypnotoad, you did a great job, much love... although I don't think "Real Housewives Of Atlanta" would be SUCH a bad assignment, you know there's gonna be plenty of stuff to make fun of on there (along with all kinds of snaps and head-bobs & shit). This one was pretty bad, though... last season's show with the old guy and his Jocelyn Wildenstein wife was funnier, but you definitely made a Prada handbag out of this sow's ear... :)
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. My house has a dishwasher that jerks you off... his name is Tom... :)
6 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 14, 2008 12:16 PM
Thank you for wonderful commentary, hypno!
I'm actually gonna miss the guys. I really like Chad and think he's just socially awkward.
I'm bleh about Madison because he's so boring. And Madison, if it takes you 3 years to get "closure" from dating a female, that might be another hint to jump out of the closet entirely.
I enjoy making fun of Josh because he's so skeevy! I'd love seeing him on another season just to watch him get burned.
7 of 14 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 14, 2008 7:53 PM
I think this show was awesome. I personally can't wait for another season...okay, that's making my stomach hurt just trying to type that. Truth is I never even watched the show. I like my TV and if I had to watch these semi-humans I would have put something through it. The only reason I paid any attention to this pile of garbage was because of the wonderful aroma you managed to put on it Hypnotoad. I'm not going to say it wasn't still garbage, but you're recaps were what made it tolerable and that's about the highest praise you could hope for. I also don't watch Desparate Housewives, but I'll still read the recaps. See you then.
8 of 14 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 15, 2008 5:21 AM
I love this show!!! I pray for its return!!! I love to watch shallow people make millions. I can't explain it.
9 of 14 | Posted by Barbie071979 | Posted on September 15, 2008 12:16 PM
"There's not really "shit" hitting the fan. It's more like a light fart wafted its way over." lmao hypno these were the best recaps of any show i've never watched. you are amazing. thank you.
macs do rule.
also the baby picture was pretty much the best thing ever. thanks for taking one in the as--i mean, for the team.
10 of 14 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 15, 2008 12:31 PM
Maybe I'm just lonely, but I totally want to do Chad.
Thanks for a great season, Hypnotoad! I'll miss these!
11 of 14 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on September 15, 2008 3:08 PM
I haven't kept up with the recaps for this show, but does anyone else think that Chad looks like a tampon?
Just a thought.
12 of 14 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on September 16, 2008 6:20 PM
"Just take out the steak knives first" and "I'm so glad I invented you" KILLED ME. I am just sitting here dead.
These networks absolutely need to put you on the payroll. I am setting Desperate Housewives to record ONLY because I want to read more of your recaps. And that's the gospel truth. ARE YOU LISTENING, NETWORK EXECS? SEND SOME MONEY TO HYPNOTOAD!
13 of 14 | Posted by ellie | Posted on September 23, 2008 4:57 PM
Wow, you guys. The comments are still coming in? Fawesome. Totally fawesome.
Oh, ellie - from your mouth to god's ears.
I do want to let you know that Flipit has actually done all the screengrabs/captions for me. Just so you know. Credit where hilarious credit is due!
Only a few more days until Desperate Housewives, and I'm so excited that I think I peed my pants just a little.
14 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:06 PM