Trust Fund has a lead for Miguel's House of Usher. Hey, Trust Fund and I have the same macbook! Macs rule, bitches! The property is right above the house that Miguel is living in now. Miguel says it's a "sexy property," which is something only Euro Trash would say. Oh, you guys, this show is almost over! I'm so excited! Trust Fund tells us that the house Miguel is building will be "off the hook," and everything, including a "dishwasher that will jerk you off." Take the steak knives out first. That's all I'm sayin. Miguel likes the property, and asks how much it will be worth. Trust Fund estimates that he could get $100 million for the house and property when the House on Haunted Hill finally gets built. Shit. I thought this was it for the show. But no, this ship refuses to sink.
Commercials. I'm sure Ricky Gervais's new movie will be funny, but he just really creeps me out. He's just creepy.
And we're back. Mad drives down the highway as Chad and Victoria get into a helicopter. Chad says he's successful for who he is, not what he does. Madison says that timing is divine and that he can't plan for it. He'll sell the land eventually, but for now he's going to enjoy life and live in the moment and be grateful for what he has. Miguel agrees to buy the land. Trust Fund lies in a voiceover that real estate isn't about making money for him. He has money. "I just like the art of making a deal." And, also, stealing art from people and giving a hummer to some dude in the back seat of his BMW. So, the land is sold for $30,000,000. It sure took a lot of sad clown paintings for Miguel the "artist" to make that much money. Potential commission? A whopping $750,000. What. The. Fuck. I'd be pissed about that, but I can't be because I'm just so happy this abortion of a show is over!
I love you so much when I can't hear your nasal drone.
Next week on Million Dollar Li$ting: Who cares?! The show's not on anymore! We're free, people! Free! And if Satan and Bravo agree on a third season, please don't tell TVGasm - I need what's left of my sanity.
****Note from the Editor: Hypnotoad will be doing this season's Desperate Housewives recaps, so check back the week of Sept 28th. And thanks for the laughs, Hypno! WE LOVE YOU!
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Comments (14)
What the eff?? I asked for naked pictures of Madison, not for pictures of Madison masquerading as Todd Oldham! Shame on you, hypno!!
But seriously, I loved all of your recaps and I hope you get to recap a good show soon. Hey-- Heroes is coming back on! Someone will need to fill J-Unit's sizable shoes on that one. Pretty please!?
1 of 14 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on September 13, 2008 2:04 PM
From your mouth to Flipit and gods of TVGasm's ears, my friend.
And honestly, wouldn't ANY show after this one be good?
2 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 13, 2008 7:53 PM
Flipit and the gods of TVgasm... arent they one and the same?
And yes, I second the fact that you need a better show! Heroes would be awesome :)
3 of 14 | Posted by LoLo | Posted on September 13, 2008 8:29 PM
HEY! hypno will be returning in two weeks with desperate housewives! he's gonna kill it! t.vo is going to do heroes this year, and if her recaps are anything like her american idol recaps or last year's heroes, i think you will all fall in love and make little babies. this fall is gonna kick some ass, y'all. LOVE
4 of 14 | Posted by flipit | Posted on September 13, 2008 11:09 PM
Oh yeah! I'm totally pumped to give y'all some DH love. I. Love. That. Show.
5 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 14, 2008 10:07 AM
Hypnotoad, you did a great job, much love... although I don't think "Real Housewives Of Atlanta" would be SUCH a bad assignment, you know there's gonna be plenty of stuff to make fun of on there (along with all kinds of snaps and head-bobs & shit). This one was pretty bad, though... last season's show with the old guy and his Jocelyn Wildenstein wife was funnier, but you definitely made a Prada handbag out of this sow's ear... :)
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. My house has a dishwasher that jerks you off... his name is Tom... :)
6 of 14 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 14, 2008 12:16 PM
Thank you for wonderful commentary, hypno!
I'm actually gonna miss the guys. I really like Chad and think he's just socially awkward.
I'm bleh about Madison because he's so boring. And Madison, if it takes you 3 years to get "closure" from dating a female, that might be another hint to jump out of the closet entirely.
I enjoy making fun of Josh because he's so skeevy! I'd love seeing him on another season just to watch him get burned.
7 of 14 | Posted by hutchlover | Posted on September 14, 2008 7:53 PM
I think this show was awesome. I personally can't wait for another season...okay, that's making my stomach hurt just trying to type that. Truth is I never even watched the show. I like my TV and if I had to watch these semi-humans I would have put something through it. The only reason I paid any attention to this pile of garbage was because of the wonderful aroma you managed to put on it Hypnotoad. I'm not going to say it wasn't still garbage, but you're recaps were what made it tolerable and that's about the highest praise you could hope for. I also don't watch Desparate Housewives, but I'll still read the recaps. See you then.
8 of 14 | Posted by DrJerkass | Posted on September 15, 2008 5:21 AM
I love this show!!! I pray for its return!!! I love to watch shallow people make millions. I can't explain it.
9 of 14 | Posted by Barbie071979 | Posted on September 15, 2008 12:16 PM
"There's not really "shit" hitting the fan. It's more like a light fart wafted its way over." lmao hypno these were the best recaps of any show i've never watched. you are amazing. thank you.
macs do rule.
also the baby picture was pretty much the best thing ever. thanks for taking one in the as--i mean, for the team.
10 of 14 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 15, 2008 12:31 PM
Maybe I'm just lonely, but I totally want to do Chad.
Thanks for a great season, Hypnotoad! I'll miss these!
11 of 14 | Posted by MandaMo | Posted on September 15, 2008 3:08 PM
I haven't kept up with the recaps for this show, but does anyone else think that Chad looks like a tampon?
Just a thought.
12 of 14 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on September 16, 2008 6:20 PM
"Just take out the steak knives first" and "I'm so glad I invented you" KILLED ME. I am just sitting here dead.
These networks absolutely need to put you on the payroll. I am setting Desperate Housewives to record ONLY because I want to read more of your recaps. And that's the gospel truth. ARE YOU LISTENING, NETWORK EXECS? SEND SOME MONEY TO HYPNOTOAD!
13 of 14 | Posted by ellie | Posted on September 23, 2008 4:57 PM
Wow, you guys. The comments are still coming in? Fawesome. Totally fawesome.
Oh, ellie - from your mouth to god's ears.
I do want to let you know that Flipit has actually done all the screengrabs/captions for me. Just so you know. Credit where hilarious credit is due!
Only a few more days until Desperate Housewives, and I'm so excited that I think I peed my pants just a little.
14 of 14 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on September 25, 2008 1:06 PM