From: Jesus@NoSpamHeaven.com
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 01:52:43 EDT
Subject: Dad damn, Im annoyed
To: Madeyoulaugh@tvGasm.com

Dear TVGasm,

First of all, I have to give you big ups to your wonderful website. Your hysterical articles really help get me up in the mornings.

But now to the meat of why I am writing in.

I wanted to defend myself. Recently I have been brought into the spotlight on the CBS network and used as an unwitting participant in both THE AMAZING RACE and BIG BROTHER 5.

I would like to state publicly at no time in the past few months have I spoken to any of the houseguests (namely Adria, Natalie and Drew). I gotta tell you I was pissed, I came home after a long day of appearing in a coffee stain in Arizona, physically drained when Adolf tells me to check my TiVO (no not that Adolf). I turn on the Tivo only to hear Adria giving some load about me telling her who to choose to put on the block and vote for. I have 100’s of Latino witnesses who can prove I was busy all that day in a coffee stain, and would have had no time to tell Adria who to pick. And if I did I would have suggested she put herself up for appearing in a show like that. I mean, my dad doesn’t have too many hard and fast rules, 10 to be exact, and only 7 things to avoid yet she is showcasing one of them on that show, GREED! Her using me as some sort of leverage that night really pissed me off, but once I took my Ambien, put on my eye covers and got in my Posturepedic mattress, I really got over the whole issue.

However, the one couple who really tugged at my short and curlies, I didn’t even know about until recently. I had been busy answering a lot of letters from Florida and Georgia over the past few weeks (save my house this..don’t let me die that) and I hadn’t really had much time to watch the Amazing Race. But, I figured since it won an Emmy I should check it out.