12:05 PM
In honor of all the exciting immigration rallies today, I decide to hit up the news channels. First stop: CNN. A reporter named Juan Carlos Lopez describes the scene in Washington. I wish I could listen to what he's saying, but I'm entirely too distracted by his Kermit The Frog voice. Note to CNN: don't hire reporters that sound like Muppets.

12:08
Juan Carlos notes that he can hear babies crying because he's in a park. Man, this is hard hitting journalism!

12:10
MSNBC. On this day of massive political activism, what's MSNBC covering? Why, a wacky photo of some German dude who's the World Champion Freestyle Beard of 2005. Funny, I thought that was Teri Hatcher. Rimshot!

12:13
Oh god. It's not just a photo. Alison Stewart gets Phil Olsen on the phone, a.k.a. the founder of Beard Team USA. "How do you menfolk get your beards all twisted up like that?" Get this woman a Pulitzer!

I hope I look this sexy 30 years from now.

12:20
Twenty minutes in, and Alison Stewart's sidekick mentions that hey, a big topic in the news today is immigration. Oh really? I didn't realize. I thought it was the tragic state of American Beard competitions.

12:22
Time to check out Fox News. Sadly, there's only a lame Verizon commercial on. Oh good. It's over. Okay, the news is on. Apparently I'm watching a show called Studio B. The big topic of the day: Rush Limbaugh arrested! Does anyone still care about Rush Limbaugh? It's not 1994 still, is it?

12:26
You know what? There's only one place that can provide news that speaks to ME, a twentysomething youth floating in the informational morass that is cable TV. That's right, Current TV. What, pray tell, does this network have to say about the immigration rallies? Uh... not much. That's because Current is doing a scathing piece on... bikini-clad meter maids in Australia. Yes, I'll let that soak in for a moment.

12:34
All this channel surfing is making me hungry. Time for lunch.

1:51
Back from lunch. Well, actually, I got back about twenty minutes ago. I've since been sipping an iced tea and catching up with what's happening on the Internets. Not much. Now it's back to TV. Giada De Laurentiis is mixing some squishy sounding dish on the Food Network. Oh, it's a lentil loaf. I never thought about it before, but if Giada were any sort of food, she'd definitely be a lentil loaf.

1:53
Giada has just announced that she's adding her mother's secret ingredient to the dish: tomato. Isn't it sort of impossible for tomato to be a secret ingredient? Kind of obvious. I can just imagine eating at her house. "Hey, what's this sweet, red ingredient on top of your lentil loaf?" IT'S A SECRET!

1:58
Giada says that portabella mushrooms are the largest of the cultivated mushrooms. Much in the same way that Giada's head is the largest of the cultivated heads. Parallelism!

1:59
Uh oh. Giada just tried her lentil loaf, and it did NOT go over well. Looks like another Giada disaster. I gotta do a photo recap of this...