Well, it's been a fun Thanksgiving holiday. I've enjoyed being able to put my feet up and watch TV for four days without taking the slightest note, but all relaxing things must come to an end; so here I am, back at the airport, preparing to fly back to the workaday mania of TVgasm. Oh, what am I talking about? I watch TV all day. It's not that "workaday." Nevertheless, if I'm at the jetBlue terminal, that usually means only one thing: time to bust out the laptop and blog the flight! Since it's Monday night and I'm flying through primetime, I should have a wide variety of programming to choose from. CBS has its usual crops of comedies that I'll be sure to ignore. FOX has the fall finale of Prison Break, which I would totally watch if I weren't already an episode behind. Plus, there's also an episode of House on, which I've probably already seen anyway. None of this matters though because I plan to spend a chunk of my six and a half hour flight watching Monday Night Football. Green Bay vs. Seattle. I don't care particularly for either team, but many fantasy football outcomes hang in the balance. With a little luck, my troubled teams will spark to life again, but in all likelihood, I'll probably be crying by the time I touch down. Alas.
5:29 PM
Well, this is great. I'm sitting here in the jetBlue wireless hotspot, all ready to go onto the Internets, but there's one problem: this hotspot is neither hot nor a spot. Discuss. That's right, despite what the signs are saying, none of us poor, techno-dicted passengers sitting in the hotspot can get any sort of online access. I wasn't sure if it was just me or not, but I didn't feel like being that guy who asks everyone "Are you... are you online by any chance? No? Oh, okay. Good. I thought it was just me [polite laugh]." This of course then means you have to sit through some dumb comment like "Real pain in the ass," to which I would then have to reply, "Yeah, I know." Luckily, however, someone two seats down from me stepped up and asked us this very question, thus confirming my fears that we all were offline. How very frustrating. jetBlue can't just tease us with promises of online access and then not provide. Then again, they did change cookie suppliers, and that wasn't cool either.
By the way, the guy who asked us all if we could get online is now laughing on the phone with his friend. I swear to god, he has a perfect cackle. I couldn't even emulate it if I wanted to. Basically, just imagine Snarf from Thundercats, except as a human.
Anyway, it's not all doom and gloom here in JFK. I was able to procure much better pre-boarding food than at Burbank. Unlike my Eastbound flight where I was stuck with nothing but a meager (but tasty) chocolate croissant, I have now purchased a veritable meal fit for a king (a king of a very, very small, insignificant country, that is). Just like I had over the summer, I bought a smoked ham and brie sandwich with a dark chocolate Toblerone for dessert. Yes, it should be a gourmet flight this evening. I just hope I can keep the tin foil shreds from getting all over the place (let alone those dangerous chocolate flecks).
5:38 PM
It's always funny when women with big breasts and no bras go running through a terminal.
9:10 PM
Okay, as you can see, quite a bit of time has passed without blogging. I can explain. So we get on the plane, and everything seems awesome at first. I had an exit row seat, but unfortunately, it wasn't optimal (middle). However, some guy asked if I wanted to trade for his exit row window seat (on the other side of the aisle) so he could sit next to his friend. Well, I'm not an idiot. I was sold in an instant. I now was thrilled because I had pretty much the best seat on the plane. Even better, the middle seat was empty! This was pretty much unheard of. I knew the situation wouldn't last -- I mean, exit row seats are the equivalent of, well, I don't know. I can't think of any good analogies, but you know they're the equivalent of something AWESOME. Surely it had to be filled.
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Comments (16)
nice B-side. I love your flight re caps.
1 of 16 | Posted by dsher
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Posted on November 28, 2006 5:38 AM
Good thing you saved that with the Jeffersons because your belief that 227 wasnt as funny as you recalled was about to lose you a friend!!!
Those hand drapers suck. The other day someone was doing some hand waving in front of my screen- sitting in his chair with his hand over the back and movnig it around while he talked. how is that a comfortable way to sit?
2 of 16 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on November 28, 2006 6:52 AM
I think you should quit whatever your job is now and just fly all over the place, blogging!
Loved the Mario picture!
3 of 16 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on November 28, 2006 7:29 AM
Funny flight blog as always. On a side note, Sun. night I bought my first Toblerone. I've always thought about it but didn't think it would live up to it's price tag. B-side, your comments convinced me to give it a try and I was not disappointed.
4 of 16 | Posted by dahrache
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:01 AM
You should have slapped that bitches hand and told Mario to kick her seat throughout the flight.
The Saget,, Peters and Franklin trifecta was hilarious!!!
5 of 16 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:13 AM
hilarious!
and nice work getting your seatmate mario in on the flight-blogging chennanigans.
6 of 16 | Posted by jash
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:35 AM
B-Side, good recap. Are you going to post Survivor and the AR soon? I am desperate for more reading material!
7 of 16 | Posted by marge
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:36 AM
Awesome as always.
8 of 16 | Posted by mountain_girl
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Posted on November 28, 2006 9:03 AM
oh man I too was on a 5 hour flight yesterday and when we hit the rocky's i feared for my life. all the way from LA across the rockies there was some crazy turbulence such that the pilot started yelling at us "there is no reason why anyone should be standing! stewardesses! sit down!" 3 hours without beverage service and NWA crappy no movies, no free music, no free anything policy. It was truly wretched.
9 of 16 | Posted by PiagetsLuvChild
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Posted on November 28, 2006 9:05 AM
I'd gladly give up extra seating room to have Mario beside me. HotDAMN! (did you see those lips? could they BE any more lickable?)
Lucky Asian lady to have the duo of deliciousness that is B-Side and Mario in her row.
10 of 16 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus
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Posted on November 28, 2006 10:30 AM
what is in those wheat thins? on my return, everybody chowed down on them, then began standing up, pulling luggage down, chatting loudly in the aisles, and generally invading my personal space.
also have you noticed that if your neighbor uses the free headphones, you have to hear everything they're hearing?
11 of 16 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on November 28, 2006 12:23 PM
Thanks for the update, B-Side. Always enjoyable. And thanks for the eye candy in the form of seat mate, Mario. Dare I say, woo woo?
12 of 16 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on November 28, 2006 1:10 PM
PiagetsLuvChild- awesome. i would have paid money to hear a pilot yell that.
on the other hand, you dont even get a movie on NWA? awful!! i'm never flying them. thanks for the warning.
13 of 16 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on November 28, 2006 2:02 PM
"Hey parents, SHUT YOUR DAMN KID UP." I'm TRYING!!
14 of 16 | Posted by Kyle
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Posted on November 28, 2006 2:12 PM
mmm mmm mmm Mario!
15 of 16 | Posted by LuvzSunshine
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Posted on November 28, 2006 2:54 PM
Could you just fly coast to coast every week?? Love the inflight recaps!!!
Thank you.
16 of 16 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 29, 2006 2:51 PM