Well, the flight was due to take off at 6:15, and at around 6:10, the woman on the aisle seat looked at me hopefully and said, "Maybe..." She was cool because there was this horrendous baby that was alternating screaming and playing with a squishy toy, and the woman looked at me and said something along the lines of "I WANT TO KILL THAT BABY." It wasn't that severe, but that's what her body language was saying. Keep in mind that this is an older Asian lady, not the cynical type. Anyway, at about 6:14 PM, just when it seemed like we might be pulling off the best seating arrangement of all time, a guy suddenly walked onto the plane. A pit quickly formed in my stomach. I looked over to Asian lady. She too had dread all over her face. You just know it when somebody's gonna take the vacant seat. Sure enough, the guy headed towards us, and as we had feared, he plopped his stuff down right on the seat. Great.
But wait! Suddenly the flight attendant called out the guy's name. "Jeff? Jeff?" (It may have been Dave, but who really cares anyway). Turns out Jeff/Dave wasn't allowed on the flight for whatever reason. That's right, HE WAS YANKED. Middle seat preserved! Glory returns to exit row 11! For at least thirty seconds. The guy was pulled off because someone else was there to claim the seat. Yes, our hopes and dreams were destroyed. Middle seat was officially, irrevocably taken.
Turns out it was okay though. Middle seat guy (Mario, to be specific) has turned out to be pretty cool, and we've been bantering the whole flight. Hence, my lack of recapping. That's not to say I haven't been watching TV. I have. There's been little on. I did watch Deal or No Deal and saw some idiot get greedy and wind up with a mere $10 (he deserved it for being so dumb). I also saw a promo for the next Law and Order: SVU featuring Bob Saget and Bernadette Peters. Wow! Sign me up! If only NBC could have booked Bonnie Franklin too, it would have been a trifecta!
In meal news, I denied the jetBlue snack basket (shocking, I know) in lieu of my own meal, the aforementioned ham and brie sandwich with accompanying dark chocolate Toblerone. I'm sure this was significantly better than the "Holiday biscotti" they were offering.
There was also a bit of horrendous flight etiquette as some dumbass bitch sitting in front of us put her hand behind her seat and draped it over Mario's TV. What made this worse was that this was the second time in so many flights that I'd seen such shameful activity. Of course, in such a situation, you can't just tap a person's hand to get them to move. That would be too obvious. So I decided to take matters into my own hands. I adjusted the tilt of the TV screen. It was my subtle way of saying, "Hey, I'm not going to be rude and tap you, but get the fuck off this TV screen." (I was doing all this because I simply could not sit back and watch another hand-on-screen situation silently again, even if it wasn't on my TV screen). Anyway, I tilted the screen, but no reaction. Either this woman was oblivious or she was passive-aggressively staking her territory. That's when I decided to document this egregious behavior. I took a pic with my webcam:
That's Mario, clearly frustrated by the unwelcome presence of a hand on his TV.
Little does this woman realize she's messing with the face of Just Cause.
Needless to say, after enough snickering from us, the woman moved her hand. Now, back to TV.
9:37 PM
For those of you caring about my fantasy football situation, here's the deal. I'm in three leagues -- second place in one (soon to be third), and dead last in the other two. In one league (the one that actually has money on it, dammit), my situation is utterly hopeless. I'm done and over with. In the other league, my only glimmer of hope is to beat J-Unit. As you can see, tonight's game has TVgasmic implications. If J-Unit beats me, I am also done in that league. Oh cruel fantasy. I feel almost as tortured as that fat guy who lost $147,000 on Deal or No Deal.
9:43 PM
Uh oh. Nightmare squealing baby has emerged from her devil-hibernation. I bet Asian lady is just as unhappy as I am.
9:46 PM
The hand-draper is busy watching Monster's Ball. Hey, hope you enjoy the most depressing transcontinental flight EVER.
« Recap: Top Model: Bulls On Parade | Main | Daily Digest: November 28, 2006 »
Comments (16)
nice B-side. I love your flight re caps.
1 of 16 | Posted by dsher
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Posted on November 28, 2006 5:38 AM
Good thing you saved that with the Jeffersons because your belief that 227 wasnt as funny as you recalled was about to lose you a friend!!!
Those hand drapers suck. The other day someone was doing some hand waving in front of my screen- sitting in his chair with his hand over the back and movnig it around while he talked. how is that a comfortable way to sit?
2 of 16 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on November 28, 2006 6:52 AM
I think you should quit whatever your job is now and just fly all over the place, blogging!
Loved the Mario picture!
3 of 16 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on November 28, 2006 7:29 AM
Funny flight blog as always. On a side note, Sun. night I bought my first Toblerone. I've always thought about it but didn't think it would live up to it's price tag. B-side, your comments convinced me to give it a try and I was not disappointed.
4 of 16 | Posted by dahrache
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:01 AM
You should have slapped that bitches hand and told Mario to kick her seat throughout the flight.
The Saget,, Peters and Franklin trifecta was hilarious!!!
5 of 16 | Posted by Flipit
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:13 AM
hilarious!
and nice work getting your seatmate mario in on the flight-blogging chennanigans.
6 of 16 | Posted by jash
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:35 AM
B-Side, good recap. Are you going to post Survivor and the AR soon? I am desperate for more reading material!
7 of 16 | Posted by marge
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Posted on November 28, 2006 8:36 AM
Awesome as always.
8 of 16 | Posted by mountain_girl
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Posted on November 28, 2006 9:03 AM
oh man I too was on a 5 hour flight yesterday and when we hit the rocky's i feared for my life. all the way from LA across the rockies there was some crazy turbulence such that the pilot started yelling at us "there is no reason why anyone should be standing! stewardesses! sit down!" 3 hours without beverage service and NWA crappy no movies, no free music, no free anything policy. It was truly wretched.
9 of 16 | Posted by PiagetsLuvChild
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Posted on November 28, 2006 9:05 AM
I'd gladly give up extra seating room to have Mario beside me. HotDAMN! (did you see those lips? could they BE any more lickable?)
Lucky Asian lady to have the duo of deliciousness that is B-Side and Mario in her row.
10 of 16 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus
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Posted on November 28, 2006 10:30 AM
what is in those wheat thins? on my return, everybody chowed down on them, then began standing up, pulling luggage down, chatting loudly in the aisles, and generally invading my personal space.
also have you noticed that if your neighbor uses the free headphones, you have to hear everything they're hearing?
11 of 16 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on November 28, 2006 12:23 PM
Thanks for the update, B-Side. Always enjoyable. And thanks for the eye candy in the form of seat mate, Mario. Dare I say, woo woo?
12 of 16 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on November 28, 2006 1:10 PM
PiagetsLuvChild- awesome. i would have paid money to hear a pilot yell that.
on the other hand, you dont even get a movie on NWA? awful!! i'm never flying them. thanks for the warning.
13 of 16 | Posted by Leah3t
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Posted on November 28, 2006 2:02 PM
"Hey parents, SHUT YOUR DAMN KID UP." I'm TRYING!!
14 of 16 | Posted by Kyle
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Posted on November 28, 2006 2:12 PM
mmm mmm mmm Mario!
15 of 16 | Posted by LuvzSunshine
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Posted on November 28, 2006 2:54 PM
Could you just fly coast to coast every week?? Love the inflight recaps!!!
Thank you.
16 of 16 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 29, 2006 2:51 PM