Now here I am on the flight, my croissant happily tucked away in the seatback pocket next to the iPod. The good news is that while my food isn't optimal, I do have plenty of space, thanks to the seat next to me being vacant. I was really scared because the last guy to get on the plane was really, really fat. Knowing my luck, I figured he's be next to me. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with being overweight, but this guy was obese, and I thought for sure I would be in for a flight sans left-armrest. However, the seating gods looked down on me favorably today, and disaster was averted. For now, at least. Fat man wound up several rows behind me.
Okay, time to watch TV!
2:01 PM
At the Food Network, Ina Garten informs us that she's been playing bridge with her gal pals, but it's time for a change. You guessed it: she's renting a French film. Oh the exciting life of the Barefoot Contessa! Might Amélie be on the menu??
2:11 PM
Ina's obligatory gay friend shows up. He kind of looks like Phil Keoghan. But gayer. Hence, gay friend.
2:22 PM
Beverage service has arrived. Time to put away the laptop, bust out the croissant, and go to town!
2:53 PM
Well, it's been an eventful half hour. My Diet Coke arrived, which meant it was time to take the plunge and try the croissant. Well, a surprise was in order. The airport chocolate croissant was... delicious! Well, not delicious delicious, but considering its lowly origins, I had to give it props. Oh, Tully's Coffee! To think I ever doubted you!
After I finished eating my croissant (which caused my fingers to become quite chocolatey), the flight attendant came by with the famed JetBlue basket o' snacks. What to pick? Usually, I select a combo of the chocolate chip cookies and chocolate chip biscotti, but considering I had just gorged myself on a chocolate croissant, I figured I'd change it up with the old standby, Munchies Mix. Oh, but how could I deny cookies too? At the last second, I asked if I could get some cookies as well, and the flight attendant dutifully honored my request. The big news was that JetBlue seems to have changed cookie providers because gone were the standard double-pack of chocolate chip cookies. Now we had a little bag of, well, I don't remember the brand (and I've already thrown out the wrapper). Here's all you need to know: the new cookies claim to be "Cookies with a Cause," which should have been my first red flag. I assumed this meant that every bag sold would lead to a donation to some wildlife charity. No, the cause was to make our lives healthier because these cookies were made with all organic ingredients. There's nothing wrong with that, and I'm all for healthier living (as I stuff my face with Munchies Mix), but I tell you what I am not for: AWFUL COOKIES. And that's what these bad boys were. Imagine a Frookie gone bad. Very bad. These cookies were not only tiny, but chewy and, well, weird. Their only redeeming quality was the faint flavor of chocolate that came through every three bites. Who would have thought? Airport croissant was delectable while airplane cookies were horrid. A reversal of culinary fortune.
Let this be a lesson to you all: do NOT waste your JetBlue snack selection on the chocolate chip cookies. DO NOT.
In the meantime, I spent my snack break watching Family Feud, an old favorite. During the bonus round, Richard Dawson asked a woman "Name an animal you can fit in your palm." Instantly, I'm thinking hamster, gerbil, parakeet. What does this lady answer with? GOPHER. Well done, idiot.
3:04 PM
By the way, unfortunate news. The satellite is all funky, which means half the networks aren't working, including MTV and VH1. Blast. But the worst casualty of all this? No VH1 Classic. How will I get to watch classic Shannon videos???
3:05 PM
You know, I still don't get Mad Money. Seriously. What is the deal with that show?
3:06 PM
Oh no! BBCA isn't working! And here I thought I could spend the afternoon enjoying the comic stylings of Judi Dench!
3:07 PM
Silly Richard Dean Anderson. He just tried to throw a stick at some alien robot humanoid jerk on Stargate Atlantis. Too bad he didn't realize there was a forcefield around him. IN YOUR FACE, MACGUYVER! By the way, for all you wondering, this episode is called "DEADMAN'S SWITCH". More like Non-Deadman's Forcefield, if you know what I'm saying. High-five, alien robot humanoid jerk!
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Comments (30)
It's a Thanksgiving Feast! Nothing beats a B-Side flight recap! Yippee!!
And what a recap it was... the drama - what will he eat?
The intrigue - who knew an airport would not carry Toblerone?
The mystery - was it Jerri Ryan?
The horror - a hand on the tv - Eek!
"Ina's obligatory gay friend shows up. He kind of looks like Phil Keoghan. But gayer. Hence, gay friend."
B-Side, I usually don't want to rush holidays -but I can NOT wait for your return flight recap. Seriously, you do not travel enough.
1 of 30 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on November 22, 2006 4:39 AM
Okay, someone's phone just rang behind me. WTF, people? Do you want us all to crash and die??
i get so freaked out when people dont turn their phones off - i have a co-worker that refuses to. i hate flying with her cause i think we are going to die all the time - even though i saw the mythbusters where they tested this out...
2 of 30 | Posted by animalcrackers
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Posted on November 22, 2006 5:02 AM
Oooh, a flight blog! I LOVE these!!!
That's it. I'm done. I have nothing else to comment on. I laughed the whole way through, though.
3 of 30 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on November 22, 2006 6:33 AM
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets excited over the flight recaps! And here I thought I'd have nothing to do today at work but, you know - work.
Happy you managed to survive without the Toblerone!
4 of 30 | Posted by Barfly
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Posted on November 22, 2006 6:59 AM
B-side, are you sure you meant Jesse Bradford? He wasn't even in John Tucker must die, I think you were thinking of Jesse Metcalfe. And before anyone makes fun of me, no I did NOT watch that movie, I just wiki'd it :3
5 of 30 | Posted by Apple_Candy
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:13 AM
Star wattage for this flight = zero.
What do you mean B-side....YOU were on that flight!!
6 of 30 | Posted by LuvzSunshine
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:16 AM
"Okay, funeral guests. Let's begin. True or false: Ed Bradley enjoyed scuba diving. Funeral guests, I need an answer. I need an answer right now. Mike Wallace, you need to show me your paddle. MIKE WALLACE."
Oh, B-Side, how do you do this to me every time? I cannot not laugh at a joke about the Chenbot, even if it is when I'm reading the recap during my Writing About Literature class while we watch a movie (therefore, everyone is quiet and i look like an idiot). Thanks for the angry look from the prof!
But it was oh so worth it lol
7 of 30 | Posted by DickeyD
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:51 AM
I can't believe you used to work on 3 Sisters! I was so sad when that show got canceled because 1)it was pretty funny and 2)Rayanne Graff is the best character ever. Pretty much everyone in it was great. Seriously, Rayanne swung on a trapeze for Circus of the Stars-awesome. And now I think she is married to a prince, which is also exciting.
Flight recaps rock.
8 of 30 | Posted by boolaw
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:06 AM
Well now my holiday can officially start. And I second that awesome to working at Three Sisters, that actually was a funny show. Glad you got to New York safe, after such a tumultuous flight (not including the turbulance).
9 of 30 | Posted by pjtvqueen
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:42 AM
"Another assassination in Lebanon. So why is the NBC correspondent reporting from Fairfield, CT? Is there a Hezbollah outpost in Old Greenwich?"
I'm thinking the correspondent is in Fairfield 'cause it doesn't have a Hezbollah outpost. Much safer than Lebanon.
I have to agree with TinkerbellAPixie: you do not travel enough, B-Side. Love the flight recaps. Happy Thanksgiving!
10 of 30 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on November 22, 2006 9:32 AM
Jesse Metcalfe! That's who I meant. I always get him and Jesse Bradford confused. In fact, I knew I was writing the wrong name at the time, but without the internets, I couldn't correct myself! Thank you.
11 of 30 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on November 22, 2006 9:42 AM
Suggestion: B-Side, here's what you do. Try out for the Amazing Race, bring your laptop, then you'll be traveling from Keeev, Ukraine to London and stuff and have plenty of time to write these AND get to meet Phil.
12 of 30 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on November 22, 2006 10:30 AM
Thank you, B-Side!! I adore your flight blogs. Also, I have an enourmous crush on you, but you're so used to hearing that...
13 of 30 | Posted by Veronica De Bellegarde
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Posted on November 22, 2006 10:38 AM
I get such a thrill when I see that airplane pic, cause I know I am in for some good times!
14 of 30 | Posted by Victoria
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Posted on November 22, 2006 11:12 AM
HEY! My real name is Maude!
not really. It's Joannie.
no, I'm still messing with youse...
B, didn't you have a brush with a giant Toblerone last year, Joey-style?
15 of 30 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:01 PM
Hey! My real name is Maude!
not really. It's Joannie.
no, I'm still messing with youse...
B, didn't you have an encounter with a giant Toblerone last year, Tribbiani-style?
16 of 30 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:05 PM
aarrgghh -- the double post!
how embarrasment.
17 of 30 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:08 PM
#12 - Steve - That is a terrific idea! B-Side and J-Unit can go on TAR together, and we can get two times the flight blogging fun!
Gosh it would be a TVGasm in the purest sense of the word.
18 of 30 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:45 PM
Gotta say, that would be pretty awesome if B-Side and J-Unit were on Amazing Race together. They could blog the episodes before they even aired!
Love the travel blogs, they always give me a good laugh :)
19 of 30 | Posted by mangos
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Posted on November 22, 2006 2:36 PM
B-side, I love, love, love your flight recaps. Thanks!
20 of 30 | Posted by Volcat
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Posted on November 22, 2006 2:57 PM
I always love Jet Blue blogs!
21 of 30 | Posted by Double L
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Posted on November 22, 2006 3:58 PM
I love flight-caps! I'm actually still in shock about the hand on the TV - who would do such an evil thing? Also, I don't want to send you into a Nabisco-induced rage, but I'm fairly certain that they tried to pawn 100-calorie Oreo snack packs on us yesterday. (Doesn't that seem kind of bizarre? Are they tring to slim us all down and squeeze another passenger on?) I refused to take them and would not look the attendant in the eye.
22 of 30 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on November 22, 2006 9:46 PM
i love flight recaps!
and yay, chitown!
(the lefties seriously did get screwed over, they could probably smell the milwaukee yeast on their side of the plane.)
23 of 30 | Posted by annna
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Posted on November 23, 2006 12:05 AM
i love flight recaps!
and yay, chitown!
(the lefties really did get screwed over, i'm sure they could smell the disgusting milwuakee yeast on their side of the plane, ewww....)
24 of 30 | Posted by annna
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Posted on November 23, 2006 12:07 AM
I think we should start a petition to get J-Unit and/or B-Side on every reality show out there. They've already penetrated Dancing with the Stars, Hell's Kitchen and ANTM (though not the penetration that J-Unit was hoping for -- zing!).
And think of it, if they were on TAR, they could physically reach over and tuck Phil's shirt in, guaranteeing us some PhilPackage goodness!
25 of 30 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus
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Posted on November 23, 2006 7:09 AM
Great recap, B-side.
The thing with the phones has nothing to do with interfering with flight controller signals. It's a big fat lie - they actually tell you to turn off your phone so your phone doesn't interfere with cellular networks on the ground. And, in fact, there will soon be in-flight cell services on planes. These services will allow you to make cell calls without interfering with ground networks.
26 of 30 | Posted by pageblank
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Posted on November 23, 2006 8:40 PM
I love your inflight recaps. They are just too much fun to read. I am dissapointed that your Chenbot eulogy didn't include a "but first".
Shame one you B-side.
27 of 30 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 24, 2006 12:39 PM
I meant on you, not one you. stupid spelling.
28 of 30 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 24, 2006 12:40 PM
Man, I need to fly JetBlue!
Just got home from my Frontier flight... they wanted $5 for TV service and $7 for crappy movies. For a 2.5 hour flights... I'll pass. And going we got a granola bar and on the way home chips... no snack basket to choose from :( B_Side you're living the life, nasty cookies and all :(
29 of 30 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on November 24, 2006 6:06 PM
"And, in fact, there will soon be in-flight cell services on planes. These services will allow you to make cell calls without interfering with ground networks."
Yeah, but will it let you make cell calls without annoying the crap out of everyone around you? Thought not.
30 of 30 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on November 25, 2006 1:47 PM