4;07 PM
Damn you, John Tucker! Because the PPV movie was so quiet, I had to pump my volume up super high. Too bad I forgot because when I changed channels, I wound up at ESPN -- just as a referee's whistle pierced my ear drums. I blame you, Ashanti, and your quiet movie.
4:12 PM
Ah ha! Free PPV continues, this time with My Super Ex-Girlfriend. Blast! It's already gone.
4:12 PM
The Insider has footage from the Ed Bradley funeral. And guess who's there? CHENBOT. Yes, Julie Chen arrived hand in hand with her husband, Les Moonves. I wonder if she delivered a eulogy. I imagine it probably went something like this: "Hello funeral guests. Today's eulogy is called 'Ed Dead.' I'll be reading a series of statements. For each one, if you think it's true, raise the green paddle. If you think it's false, raise the red paddle. But be careful, funeral guests. There is a twist. The Funeral Spider is hungry and ready to feed!" At this point, a giant spider descends over the crowd and begins spewing a milky substance. Chenbot then continues: "Okay, funeral guests. Let's begin. True or false: Ed Bradley enjoyed scuba diving. Funeral guests, I need an answer. I need an answer right now. Mike Wallace, you need to show me your paddle. MIKE WALLACE." And so on and so forth...
4:22 PM
Time to get serious on The Insider. It's Mo'nique's "uphill crusade" against her weight. Literally. We see her marching up a hill. Brought a tear to my eye. Then I realized it was just a speck of leftover Munchies Mix.
4:28 PM
Ah, a sneak peak for the next season of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. She's searching for male models. Oh, and Perez HIlton is there too -- not in his underwear THANK GOD.
4:30 PM
Okay, this is NOT cool at all. JetBlue just handed out the second round of snacks, and previously, round 2 was always a snack box. You know, cheese, crackers, raisins, a cookie. WELL. Not anymore! Now it's just a lame bag of Wheat Thins. First the organic cookies, now this? What is going on??? I'm not eating these crackers on principle.
4:33 PM
The guy next to me just asked what channel ABC is on. Hey, idiot. In case you haven't noticed over the past THREE HOURS, but there is no ABC on Jetblue.
4:34 PM
What's going on with celebrity controversies lately? First OJ, then Michael Richards, and now Clay and Kelly and Rosie? It's Thanksgiving, people. Everybody's gotta just chill out. Thankfully, there's happy news too. Tom and Katie's wedding cake! Does anyone really care about this? You know, beyond women in Wisconsin named Maude?
4:37 PM
God bless Entertainment Tonight. Somehow they managed to turn a puff piece about Tom's wedding into a promo for Deja Vu. I can only imagine what they'll do with their eye-opening portrait of a three-hundred pound model later in the show. I'm not even joking.
4:43 PM
Ah, the Junior Mint episode of Seinfeld. I wonder if this show is still funny knowing that Michael Richards is a lunatic racist.
4:47 PM
Okay, I caved. I opened up the Wheat Thins. Turns out these weren't just Wheat Thins. They were Wheat Thins Chips. And I'd like to add that they were not good at all. I stopped eating and am now sneering passive aggressively.
4:47 PM
A commercial for Apocalypto featuring Mel Gibson explaining the movie. Huh. Funny how suddenly Michael Richards takes the crown as bigoted celebrity jerk just as Mel needs to start looking better. Conspiracy? I think so!
4:51 PM
A message from the captain: On the right side of the plane is Chicago. On the left is Milwaukee. Ha! The lefties totally got screwed! (I got Chi-town).
4:57 PM
Dilemma: I'm two episodes behind on Friday Night Lights. Do I throw caution to the wind and watch this week's episode regardless? It goes against my TV principles. But then again, after those Wheat Thin Chips, I wonder if I even have principles anymore. Who thought this flight would cause so much introspection?
5:00 PM
Problem solved! Friday Night Lights isn't even on. It's that Tony Bennett special that all the old, crusty reviewers have been jizzing over. I kind of feel badly for Stephen Colbert now. Clearly Tony Bennett's gonna win the Emmy for Outstanding Variety/Musical Performance, simply because he's old and voters are dumb.
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Comments (30)
It's a Thanksgiving Feast! Nothing beats a B-Side flight recap! Yippee!!
And what a recap it was... the drama - what will he eat?
The intrigue - who knew an airport would not carry Toblerone?
The mystery - was it Jerri Ryan?
The horror - a hand on the tv - Eek!
"Ina's obligatory gay friend shows up. He kind of looks like Phil Keoghan. But gayer. Hence, gay friend."
B-Side, I usually don't want to rush holidays -but I can NOT wait for your return flight recap. Seriously, you do not travel enough.
1 of 30 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on November 22, 2006 4:39 AM
Okay, someone's phone just rang behind me. WTF, people? Do you want us all to crash and die??
i get so freaked out when people dont turn their phones off - i have a co-worker that refuses to. i hate flying with her cause i think we are going to die all the time - even though i saw the mythbusters where they tested this out...
2 of 30 | Posted by animalcrackers
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Posted on November 22, 2006 5:02 AM
Oooh, a flight blog! I LOVE these!!!
That's it. I'm done. I have nothing else to comment on. I laughed the whole way through, though.
3 of 30 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on November 22, 2006 6:33 AM
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who gets excited over the flight recaps! And here I thought I'd have nothing to do today at work but, you know - work.
Happy you managed to survive without the Toblerone!
4 of 30 | Posted by Barfly
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Posted on November 22, 2006 6:59 AM
B-side, are you sure you meant Jesse Bradford? He wasn't even in John Tucker must die, I think you were thinking of Jesse Metcalfe. And before anyone makes fun of me, no I did NOT watch that movie, I just wiki'd it :3
5 of 30 | Posted by Apple_Candy
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:13 AM
Star wattage for this flight = zero.
What do you mean B-side....YOU were on that flight!!
6 of 30 | Posted by LuvzSunshine
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:16 AM
"Okay, funeral guests. Let's begin. True or false: Ed Bradley enjoyed scuba diving. Funeral guests, I need an answer. I need an answer right now. Mike Wallace, you need to show me your paddle. MIKE WALLACE."
Oh, B-Side, how do you do this to me every time? I cannot not laugh at a joke about the Chenbot, even if it is when I'm reading the recap during my Writing About Literature class while we watch a movie (therefore, everyone is quiet and i look like an idiot). Thanks for the angry look from the prof!
But it was oh so worth it lol
7 of 30 | Posted by DickeyD
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Posted on November 22, 2006 7:51 AM
I can't believe you used to work on 3 Sisters! I was so sad when that show got canceled because 1)it was pretty funny and 2)Rayanne Graff is the best character ever. Pretty much everyone in it was great. Seriously, Rayanne swung on a trapeze for Circus of the Stars-awesome. And now I think she is married to a prince, which is also exciting.
Flight recaps rock.
8 of 30 | Posted by boolaw
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:06 AM
Well now my holiday can officially start. And I second that awesome to working at Three Sisters, that actually was a funny show. Glad you got to New York safe, after such a tumultuous flight (not including the turbulance).
9 of 30 | Posted by pjtvqueen
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Posted on November 22, 2006 8:42 AM
"Another assassination in Lebanon. So why is the NBC correspondent reporting from Fairfield, CT? Is there a Hezbollah outpost in Old Greenwich?"
I'm thinking the correspondent is in Fairfield 'cause it doesn't have a Hezbollah outpost. Much safer than Lebanon.
I have to agree with TinkerbellAPixie: you do not travel enough, B-Side. Love the flight recaps. Happy Thanksgiving!
10 of 30 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on November 22, 2006 9:32 AM
Jesse Metcalfe! That's who I meant. I always get him and Jesse Bradford confused. In fact, I knew I was writing the wrong name at the time, but without the internets, I couldn't correct myself! Thank you.
11 of 30 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on November 22, 2006 9:42 AM
Suggestion: B-Side, here's what you do. Try out for the Amazing Race, bring your laptop, then you'll be traveling from Keeev, Ukraine to London and stuff and have plenty of time to write these AND get to meet Phil.
12 of 30 | Posted by Steve
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Posted on November 22, 2006 10:30 AM
Thank you, B-Side!! I adore your flight blogs. Also, I have an enourmous crush on you, but you're so used to hearing that...
13 of 30 | Posted by Veronica De Bellegarde
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Posted on November 22, 2006 10:38 AM
I get such a thrill when I see that airplane pic, cause I know I am in for some good times!
14 of 30 | Posted by Victoria
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Posted on November 22, 2006 11:12 AM
HEY! My real name is Maude!
not really. It's Joannie.
no, I'm still messing with youse...
B, didn't you have a brush with a giant Toblerone last year, Joey-style?
15 of 30 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:01 PM
Hey! My real name is Maude!
not really. It's Joannie.
no, I'm still messing with youse...
B, didn't you have an encounter with a giant Toblerone last year, Tribbiani-style?
16 of 30 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:05 PM
aarrgghh -- the double post!
how embarrasment.
17 of 30 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates!
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:08 PM
#12 - Steve - That is a terrific idea! B-Side and J-Unit can go on TAR together, and we can get two times the flight blogging fun!
Gosh it would be a TVGasm in the purest sense of the word.
18 of 30 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie
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Posted on November 22, 2006 1:45 PM
Gotta say, that would be pretty awesome if B-Side and J-Unit were on Amazing Race together. They could blog the episodes before they even aired!
Love the travel blogs, they always give me a good laugh :)
19 of 30 | Posted by mangos
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Posted on November 22, 2006 2:36 PM
B-side, I love, love, love your flight recaps. Thanks!
20 of 30 | Posted by Volcat
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Posted on November 22, 2006 2:57 PM
I always love Jet Blue blogs!
21 of 30 | Posted by Double L
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Posted on November 22, 2006 3:58 PM
I love flight-caps! I'm actually still in shock about the hand on the TV - who would do such an evil thing? Also, I don't want to send you into a Nabisco-induced rage, but I'm fairly certain that they tried to pawn 100-calorie Oreo snack packs on us yesterday. (Doesn't that seem kind of bizarre? Are they tring to slim us all down and squeeze another passenger on?) I refused to take them and would not look the attendant in the eye.
22 of 30 | Posted by tvtvtv
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Posted on November 22, 2006 9:46 PM
i love flight recaps!
and yay, chitown!
(the lefties seriously did get screwed over, they could probably smell the milwaukee yeast on their side of the plane.)
23 of 30 | Posted by annna
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Posted on November 23, 2006 12:05 AM
i love flight recaps!
and yay, chitown!
(the lefties really did get screwed over, i'm sure they could smell the disgusting milwuakee yeast on their side of the plane, ewww....)
24 of 30 | Posted by annna
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Posted on November 23, 2006 12:07 AM
I think we should start a petition to get J-Unit and/or B-Side on every reality show out there. They've already penetrated Dancing with the Stars, Hell's Kitchen and ANTM (though not the penetration that J-Unit was hoping for -- zing!).
And think of it, if they were on TAR, they could physically reach over and tuck Phil's shirt in, guaranteeing us some PhilPackage goodness!
25 of 30 | Posted by Ms. Tumnus
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Posted on November 23, 2006 7:09 AM
Great recap, B-side.
The thing with the phones has nothing to do with interfering with flight controller signals. It's a big fat lie - they actually tell you to turn off your phone so your phone doesn't interfere with cellular networks on the ground. And, in fact, there will soon be in-flight cell services on planes. These services will allow you to make cell calls without interfering with ground networks.
26 of 30 | Posted by pageblank
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Posted on November 23, 2006 8:40 PM
I love your inflight recaps. They are just too much fun to read. I am dissapointed that your Chenbot eulogy didn't include a "but first".
Shame one you B-side.
27 of 30 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 24, 2006 12:39 PM
I meant on you, not one you. stupid spelling.
28 of 30 | Posted by may1
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Posted on November 24, 2006 12:40 PM
Man, I need to fly JetBlue!
Just got home from my Frontier flight... they wanted $5 for TV service and $7 for crappy movies. For a 2.5 hour flights... I'll pass. And going we got a granola bar and on the way home chips... no snack basket to choose from :( B_Side you're living the life, nasty cookies and all :(
29 of 30 | Posted by CrazyTrain
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Posted on November 24, 2006 6:06 PM
"And, in fact, there will soon be in-flight cell services on planes. These services will allow you to make cell calls without interfering with ground networks."
Yeah, but will it let you make cell calls without annoying the crap out of everyone around you? Thought not.
30 of 30 | Posted by zevonia
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Posted on November 25, 2006 1:47 PM