Some news that will undoubtadly take the headlines away from that pesky Tsunami thing....
In the most recent who's who of the who cares news, Hitler's wet dream couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have called it quits.
Local LAPD is on high alert as riots and looting is expected. High schools are calling in specialty counselors to help our children through these difficult times. And the American Red Cross is diverting Tsunami relief donations towards the efforts of keeping the fabric of America in tact. Authorities recommend to remain in doors with your family and try to avoid calling loved ones as to keep all lines available for emergencies only. Donald Rumsfeld is expected to make an announcement soon which will most likely be to raise our alert level from the current "elevated." It is suggested that you keep the radios and televisions on throughout the night as to be alerted to any emergency broadcast alerts.
A TVgasm source close to the couple assure us, as of now, it is still ok to drink water from local reserves.
Though we here at the Gasm tend to make light of certain events, we felt at a time like this, we must come together and be a resource of information and not snark. On a personal note, I pray as a nation we can get through this difficult period united and emerge a stronger, greater America.
God bless us all.
Madeyoulaugh
Other considered headline : Pitt Spilts As Duo Calls It Quits
**For more information, be sure to watch the next several weeks of news, tabloids, Extra, Access Hollywood...etc etc..god we are pathetic.
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Comments (10)
LAAAAADIEEEEESSS!!
the race is ON!
1 of 10 | Posted by Leah3t | Posted on January 7, 2005 8:11 PM
YAWN.........no chemistry, no sparks, no surprise
2 of 10 | Posted by Retroqueen | Posted on January 7, 2005 10:05 PM
Awwww... Don't laugh you guys-I think it's sad they broke up! They seemed like they were really trying to make it work. But Brad wanted to do the family thing and Jennifer was trying to crank out like five crappy movies a year. Not a good combo for marital bliss. Next headline in '05: Nick and Jessica Split: Newlyweds' Honeymoon Over
3 of 10 | Posted by joslyn | Posted on January 7, 2005 10:16 PM
Your sarcasm was too on-the-nose obvious.
4 of 10 | Posted by glenorglenda | Posted on January 7, 2005 11:35 PM
Funny...I chose almost the same approach on my posting about this national tragedy- same crudely drawn jagged line, same nation-in-shock tone, same genetic windfall joke, etc...(But yours is funnier)
http://dailyroundup.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_dailyroundup_archive.html#110515012758235527
5 of 10 | Posted by Rebecca | Posted on January 8, 2005 1:43 AM
Ha. they suck.
6 of 10 | Posted by b-side | Posted on January 9, 2005 6:22 PM
I'm just upset because there babies would have been so beautiful. So basically you're just saying goodbye to one,two or three beautiful people, and that's just really a shame.
7 of 10 | Posted by wootwoot | Posted on January 9, 2005 9:52 PM
I'm sad because their babies would have been beautiful. So basically were just saying goodbye to one,two or possible three beautiful people. What a shame.
another headline suggsetion: Aniston hits the Pits!
no? ok.
8 of 10 | Posted by wootwoot | Posted on January 9, 2005 9:56 PM
I live in Springfield, Mo., the town where Brad Pitt went to high school. His parents and brother still live here. The locals and the local media act like it's Bethlehem. For some reason they've attached "From Springfield" to the end of his name (Brad Pitt From Springfield) or "Springfield's" to the front of his name (Springfield's Brad Pitt). As if the guy EVER claims he's from here.
Any time the guy farts, the local news reports on it (and usually bothers his parents). For example, he held a special premiere of Meet Joe Black here in 1998. In 2000, ABC's movie of the week was Meet Joe Black and the ABC affiliate's top story for the 10 o'clock news was (I shit you not) "We just aired Meet Joe Black Starring Springfield's Brad Pitt which was premiered here in 1998. Here's an entire segment about it."
So as you can guess, the LEAD STORY on Friday's news was this. Not the dead bodies found all over town or anything else, you know, IMPORTANT. A celebrity and his wife are splitting up. Unreal.
You also can probably imagine how they treat Aaron "The Bachelor" Burghe, another hometown boy.
9 of 10 | Posted by Papercuts! | Posted on January 10, 2005 6:11 AM
First to Papercuts!: Imagine living in LA where every celebrity DOES live. Our news here is RETARDED. Every major network leads with that kind of story. Premiers are headline news, and since they happen on average 5 times a week, you can imagine how lame it is. And something tells me LA has way more dead bodies than Springfield. So trust me, we feel your pain, news priorities are way screwed up. Thank God for a little rain once a year, because we can't just look out our windows and see it raining, they have to have special reports about it too...
On a separate note, is it weird how disappointed I was that Jennifer and Brad broke up? Cause you know, we are totally celebrity best friends and I feel it has really affected my life, how can I ever trust again...
10 of 10 | Posted by smithie | Posted on January 11, 2005 11:48 AM