We begin this episode with Miss Alaska discussing her platform with some of the other queens. She lists about 87 things. Isn't your platform supposed to be like one issue? She must real bored up north to come up with so many things. I mean, I would be too if all I did all day was wear my parka and pet my sled dogs.

I'm not sure who decided to ask her to discuss this but she starts babbling to a lot of either clueless or super fed up girls. I can already tell that Alaska is rubbing peeps the wrong way and has no idea. Miss Tennessee confirms to us that she is bugged by some people and never mentions any names. She is a true pageant girl this one.

Pageant oath number one: Never really say how you feel about someone in front of others. Especially when you are on TV and being judged.

We wouldn't want this show to actually be interesting now would we? Is anyone ready for a good Real World or Laguna type fight? Can one girl please just call another girl a slut so we can have a good and dirty catfight?

"I heart you! I just pepper sprayed your sash! Kisses!"

In the morning the girls are primping, of course, and are wearing their sashes over their pj's and robes. I wonder if they all enjoy the sashes so much that's why they have them on at all times, or if it's a rule. I bet their pageant coaches back home crack the whip and make them wear them ALL the time.

And how many sashes does each girl have? Do they even wash them? So many sash questions, so little time. Did anyone else notice that each girl is called by their state name, not their first name? They are now null and void. Is the pageant world a cult that us outsiders don't get it? I'm intrigued.

"Do you shower in your sash? I do."

While the queens are getting ready, Miss Military is going crazy with the "pageant look." She recalls the advice she was given to do more with her hair and makeup during the critique, so she decides to go all out and turn herself into a pageant clown. She thinks it's funny to make fun of the suggestion, but her attitude is offending some of the other girls.

Okay, now I'm no pageant queen, but when you are living in a house with 51 other girls who have been dreaming of winning Miss America since they were four years-old, it's not too smart to make fun of it. Girls can be crazy bitches, especially pageant girls. If I were Miss Military I would sleep with one eye open and the permanent markers under my pillow.

And since I'm not a pageant girl I can laugh and say I think it's freaking hilarious that she's making fun of it, but that doesn't mean I'm on Team Military.

You went one tube of lipstick too far.

Michael then enters to give them their next task and guess what? Everybody screams when they see him! He tells them its bathing suit time! Drama? Maybe? No? Damn.

At the pool the girls have on their suits and sashes and are all dolled up. Looks like these girls have learned a lot so far since they are all standing in pageant stance. I wonder if it's like second nature now and they just stand like that without even realizing it. I can just see Miss California at the grocery store waiting in line in her pageant stance just in case a judge would happen to walk in. We need some super secret pageant sleuths who can observe a pageant girl out of her natural habitat and report back to us at the Gasm. Any takers?

Don't worry Vermont, no one's looking at you.

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Posted in Miss America by NebbGirl at 3:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Last Comment: Braps on Jan 16, 2008 11:43 AM.