We're back with the last installment of the transformation of a lifetime! Oh, it's just Miss America: Reality Check. Never mind. But we do get to say goodbye to the queens and see who's made it into the final top three. See how they did after the jump!
So far it's been a pretty intense competition according to Michael. But then again, Michael's idea of intense involves baking chocolate chip cookies and washing his car.
We then see the girls performing their favorite pastime. Why, primping of course! We get a montage of curlers, hairspray and ugly eye shadow. I wonder when the queens watched the show if they realized how freaking ridiculous they looked and put the foundation down. The world may never know.
A few queens are sitting around chatting about their talents. Apparently Miss Iowa is a baton twirler. The only baton twirler among the queens, FYI. I wonder if she lights them on fire. I wonder if she has ever thrown one up and got hit in the head super hard when it came back down. I mean, having head trauma would explain why Miss Iowa is Miss Iowa. Don't ya think?
"This one time at band camp I caught someone on fire."
Some of the queens have seen some pretty crazy shit in the talent department. We hear random stories about bull whip cracking, bodybuilding, and one chick changed the oil in a car, wearing bedazzled overalls. The queen who experienced that momentous occasion first hand never mentioned if the oil changer won. I'm thinking no.
It's time for the final challenge! This is somehow going to help the girls with the talent portion of the competition. All I know is that Michael thinks he's a conductor in his tux and magic wand. The girls are supposed to know the lyrics to patriotic songs, and when Michael points to a queen, it's her turn to sing. If they don't know the next line, peace out. How. Freaking. Exciting.
Now, be aware that this is not to showcase the singers in the group but to see how the girls work under pressure. I mean, suuuuuuure, it's not giving the singers an advantage at all! If only there was a baton twirling competition. One can dream, can't they?
We start with the National Anthem. We quickly see the girls who know the words and how Miss Virginia does not. How do you NOT know the words? I mean, it's only the like most popular song EVER. I don't know why I care. But in any case, she's out.
Miss Utah is next and she doesn't know the words to her song either. How can someone in the Military not know the words to patriotic songs? Way to represent, Military! So, she decides it's about that time to be an attention-whore. She falls to the ground and starts doing push-ups. I think it's her passion in life to annoy the shit out of me. I'm sure she just wanted someone to compliment her on her bulging biceps.
"I've never even done push-ups before! I have no idea what I'm doing! Now tell me how awesome I am."
Moving on. We finally get our first dose of bitchiness! Apparently, Nevada HATES Maryland. Ohhhh, bring the claws out! Call her a slut! Cut her dress up! Unfortunately, they don't say anything even half exciting. I guess Nevada thinks Maryland is annoying and a show off. Cut to Maryland belting out some crazy notes and making up words as she goes. Annoying voice? Yes. Crazy, out of control hair? Yes. Maybe this Nevada girl is on to something.
"And then I'll hide her sash. And then I'll cut her hair. And then I'll slip her a laxative."
We are then down to our final two: PA and South Dakota. Who? She's never been in any of these shows yet here she is competing for...nothing. Bragging rights I guess. Gooooo, PA! Do something right for once. Redeem yourself from the state flag mishap.
PA blanks on the words and SD wins it for the Red team. P.S. I know I talk about people's bangs a lot because ugly bangs drive me crazy, but SD's need mentioning. They start super far back and are horrendous looking. I would be the worst pageant girl ever because I hate bangs and apparently they're a requirement.
And now the winner for the worst hair in the bunch!
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Comments (3)
Good job NebbGirl! I could tell you couldn't wait for this mess of a show to be over (and it was only 4 epis long).. I too have never sat thru an entire Miss America pageant but was excited since I would sort of know the people. I was right there with you on Miss Utah and was dumbfounded that she turned out to be Miss America's pick! But then I realized she had the entire US armed forces as well as the state of Utah on her side. And Michigan who?? Never seen her before.. Wash got robbed!
1 of 3 | Posted by steez | Posted on January 30, 2008 1:49 PM
Seriously Michigan? Whats up with the hair? I'm over it. I too hope you get another show...for as boring as these episodes were (not sure why i watched them)the recaps were entertaining :)thanks for that!
2 of 3 | Posted by deez | Posted on February 1, 2008 7:27 AM
The new Miss America looks excactly like the old Miss America. And she isn't "updated" at all, she still has the pouffy hair. The Reality Check show was totally wasted on her, she didn't get the message at all. And what's with the song and that godawful dress she sang in. sheesh. That was my first and last Miss American show.
3 of 3 | Posted by negativenancy | Posted on February 1, 2008 10:35 AM