Testimonials

They showcase some other girls awful clothing and I am embarrassed for them. They are all sooooo regretting what they packed. One of the queens even says that she didn't pack an ugly shirt that was pulled out. Someone else stuck it in her suitcase. Suuuure. The duo believes her about as much as I do. Don't lie to Stacy London, you fool. She'll rip your lashes out.

Miss South Carolina is next and they pull out the absolute ugliest boots I have ever seen. They are leopard print and gold. Gross. Well, Miss SC is full of sass and is pissed that they dissed her boots. Stacy makes a comment that they are the boots for streetwalkers. What's up with Stacy and Clinton's love for skanky girls and their jobs? The other 51 girls laugh uncomfortably and are surely thinking, "Thank God that wasn't me!"

Two screamers in one shot.

We are finally introduced to our esteemed judging panel which includes: the West Coast Editor for US Weekly, Dina Sansing, stylist to the stars, Jeannie Mai, and top international photographer (and HOT British man) Mark Liddell. At the end of the four weeks, and right before the pageant, the judges will reveal their top three and those girls will win a $10,000 scholarship from Crest White Strips and a hot wardrobe from StopTuition.com. Everybody screams. I guess Phoenix Online College and the Glade Plug Ins people passed on this show.

Miss Iowa is on my screen, talking. I couldn't tell you what she said because I was distracted by her crazy face and misuse of purple eye shadow

Tone it ALL down, sweetheart.

We then get our first (of many) Debbie Downer moments of the show when Michael says, "One of you will go on to win Miss America - that means for 51 of you that dream will not become reality." Cue the sad horns - waaaa, waaa. It's bad news for us, too, because we won't get to see them all kicked off one by one to cry separately. Now that would be a reinvention of the Miss America Pageant that I could get behind.

Michael then splits the girls into groups. Each group has something in common and they will find out later just what that is. The queens finally get to go inside to start unpacking and to get to know each other. Miss Connecticut is in the confessional saying that she is having an identity crisis. I think she's just pissed because she has really ugly bangs.

So many bangs, so little time.

The next morning all the girls are enjoying breakfast dressed in their team color uniforms when Michael and the judges come in the room. All the girls scream and clap. There has been way too much screaming so far and it's only twenty-seven minutes into the show. These girls are acting like Michael is The Bachelor for all of them to fight over. Or maybe it's more like when Tyra shows up on ANTM and everyone acts like they have never seen her before. Either way, it's annoying.

Where's Oprah?

Michael breaks down what each group stands for, in case the girls were unable to figure it out on their own.

Blue: Most State Wins (the cocky girls)
Green: Recent Contenders (states that won the title in the last decade)
Light Blue: Always a Bridesmaid (states that have come in second but never won)
Red: Brown Eyed Girls (Fact of the day. Apparently the judges love girls with brown hair and brown eyes because that is the most winning combination.)
Purple: The Seniors (the oldest bitches in room)
Pink: The Underdogs (girls that have never won a title or come in second, and are an embarrassment).

The challenge is starting soon, so they have 20 minutes to get ready. Most girls take their time to primp. For a competition. That involves running around and getting sweaty. I see girls like this all the time and I wanna push them off their treadmills. Miss Idaho says that her poof is what makes her stand apart from the other queens. The poof meaning her hair. Out control, pinned up, hair sprayed, crazy hair. This girl needs hair rehab stat!

Poof Pride.

We see each team pumping each other up for what I'm sure will not be a grueling competition. The purple team's clear leader is Miss Utah. She tells us she is a proud member of the Military. Her entire team is in a line repeating everything she's chanting/singing. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little intimidated by her. She's small but I bet she packs a mean punch.

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Posted in Miss America by NebbGirl at 2:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: sour orange on Jan 22, 2008 06:45 PM.