Miss America 2007, Lauren Nelson, then treats us to a cameo appearance. More screams from the queens. Lauren says they will need endurance if they win the crown. The competition consists of hurdles, putting together a giant puzzle of the Unites States, getting their state flag and running to the finish line. How this will help them transform them, I do not know. The first team to cross the finish line wins first dibs on the showers. Really? That's the prize? Yes, because there are only seven showers for 52 girls. I smell hostility in the air! And athlete's foot!
And they're off! Pink, light blue and purple all take a clear lead. Most of the girls crawl under the hurdles, which makes no sense to me. I really wish someone would have bit it. Light blue and purple pull ahead and get to their puzzle first. I would so rock at this. When I was in 5th grade I was the master at everything state related. Capitals, exact location of each state; you name it, I knew it. I even learned an annoying song to name all the states alphabetically. Challenge me - I know it all. Sexy, right?
Light blue and purple finish their puzzles first and are off to find their state flag. Miss Pennsylvania (who is on purple) can't find her flag. Don't embarrass me PA! I just admitted I rocked at the State Game and you're not helping! Miss Military is clearly annoyed that PA can't find her flag. Miss PA is definitely gonna get like 25 pushups from the troop leader when the competition is over. Light blue takes off with their flags in hand and crosses the finish line first.
YAY!! Now let's go back to coming in second!
The judges are there to critique them and the photographer says that some girls got too primped and look too glam to run around. He's talking to you Miss Poof. Their next challenge is taking place just one hour later and the queens learn they will be hosting a dinner party and there will be a special guest.
Randomly Miss Rhode Island says she hopes that the dinner has nothing to do with dinner etiquette because she failed that course in college. Are you kidding me? I wish I had gone to a school where that class was offered. And she failed? What sort of pageant girl are you? Must be slim pickings in Rhode Island.
All the girls are frantically primping and running around the house in curlers and using a lot of hairspray. Miss Minnesota says she hopes the special guest at dinner is Mario Lopez. She gets the award for the most random comment of the episode.
Thanks for doing your part in saving the enviroment.
I am sad that there is no drama over the lack of showers. It would have been pretty sweet if Light Blue decided to hog them for that entire hour, and the other queens would have had to go to this fabulous dinner with a special guest all smelly. But no, all the queens are just too damn nice for any of that. At least so far.
They are all seated when Michael and the judges arrive. More clapping and screaming. Michael tells them that the envelope sitting on their table includes the name of the special guest. With a dramatic camera angles and music we go to commercial. Sigh. I hate when they do that. I'm on the edge of my freaking seat, here. I'm half expecting it to be Mario Lopez.
The special guest is, drum roll please, CONTROVERSY!!! Seriously? I'm let down, and so are the queens.
W
T
F
The envelope contains a list of fun topics to discuss over dinner, such as gay marriage, sex before marriage and gun control. Very normal dinner conversations indeed. This is going to be super relaxing, especially with the judges hovering around the tables. Add a side of religion and a splash of the death penalty and we got ourselves a recipe for the most awkward dinner party ever. Now we get to see if our queens can get a point across without screaming and clapping.
Gun control is first up and one queen claims to own a gun, but swears she would never hurt anyone with it. Unless they messed with her. Or scared her. Or annoyed her. Then we cut to another queen saying her brother was shot at Columbine and the table goes silent. Debbie Downer moment number two.
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Comments (7)
I'm a PA native myself, so I've gotta go with PA!
But - are they serious? This is actually what the Miss America pageant has been reduced to?? SERIOUSLY???
1 of 7 | Posted by mandymax | Posted on January 9, 2008 1:17 PM
Go SC!
2 of 7 | Posted by RLR123 | Posted on January 10, 2008 7:44 AM
Whats wrong with BIG BANGS? Great recap!!!
3 of 7 | Posted by lolly911 | Posted on January 10, 2008 8:53 AM
NebbGirl - I too learned an annoying song that lists all 50 states in alphabetical order when I was in elementary school. It always came in handy playing Scattergories when you needed to list a state with a certain first letter! I can still recite it to this day...50 Nifty United States from 13 Original Colonies...
4 of 7 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on January 11, 2008 6:37 AM
I didn't get a chance to watch the show but the recap was hystarical. I love the part about vaseline smiles and 'can i have my twenty now im hungry' lol. I DVR'd the show I'll have to go back and watch it now.
5 of 7 | Posted by deez23 | Posted on January 11, 2008 8:22 AM
NebbGirl.....OMG...I love this....thank God for a writer's strike....you make me want to set my DVR so I don't miss an episode of this show....keep up the good work...I can't wait to read the next recap
6 of 7 | Posted by weezy60 | Posted on January 11, 2008 5:24 PM
Nebbgirl, LNNC92,
Me too, me too! 50 Nifty United States! Woo! Do they still teach that to kids, I wonder? I think I learned it back in 1984 :) and proudly, still recite it!
7 of 7 | Posted by sour orange | Posted on January 22, 2008 6:45 PM