(None as beautiful as Heidi, of course!)
Welcome, beloved readers, to the latest installment of my life as a recapper. It is my extreme pleasure to be bringing you my thoughts and impressions on the spanking new companion piece to Project Runway, Models of the Runway! I am extremely pleased for several reasons. First, after SEASONS of recapping shows that some idiot somewhere has deemed to be worthy to run for TWO HOURS of precious primetime programming, I have, by the good graces of the glorious Flipit, been assigned a show that is merely 30 minutes in length. I am already in love! Chances of my becoming bitterly disenfranchised before the end of episode one have shrunken considerably. Second, this show deals with Project Runway, which, as we all know, is one of the greatest things ever to grace the small silver screen. And lastly, this show is about models. MODELS!! The jokes are practically already written! Well, at least the jokes have already been cast and are ready to move into their cramped modelplex. Let's find out what deep meaning is hiding behind their emaciated faces.
Presumably you have already read Flipit's latest masterpiece describing the goings-on of Project Runway because we pick up right before that leaves off. The first Project Runway model ever to prove she has a voice is Erika, Ari Fish's model. Ari Fish is the mess of insanity who designed a metallic soccerball halter top/hoodie and tried to pass it off as red carpet wear.
Erika knows she's on thin ice because very often the designers become quickly attached to their models, therefore leaving the losing designer's model with little hope of continuing on in the competition. Remember, with each designer to be "auf-ed," a model must go also. Speaking of which, I paid a little visit to this show's website on Lifetime.com and found that each model has answered a series of VERY important questions to help us get to know them. Examples are: how many shoes do you own? And do you like fast food or gourmet? If you have trouble sleeping, head over there quick. Anyway, the most amusing question was what each model's strategy is to win this competition. Beg your pardon? The models have nothing to do with it. Whichever model happens to be paired with the winning designer in the end will win. I know Lifetime is trying to spin this like these girls can somehow vie to be chosen by specific designers, but seriously - they have very little say in the matter. The most they can do is not fall down, show up to work (anyone catch that BS on the all-star challenge?), and for crying out loud, tell the truth on their measurement cards! More on that later. Regardless, each girl thinks she has a strategy to win. Don't worry your (questionably) pretty heads, ladies. Just continue to do the job of hangers, thank you very much. Leave the winner-deciding to Heidi, Michael, Nina and the rotating bizarro guest judges.
The second model we meet is Vanessa, who pipes in that the outfit Erika had to model looks like "a spacesuit from outer space." Ah, model talk. Heidi Klum pops up to do the opening credits and tells us that the model paired with the winning designer (notice she didn't say "winning model") will receive a fashion spread in Marie Claire magazine and $25,000 from L'Oreal. Aim for the stars, girls. You know how the careers of all the previous models-paired-with-winning-designers have exploded. HA!
Now we meet Katie, who claims to be 22, but looks older to me. Katie is the very fortunate model whose designer, Christopher, won the first challenge.
Christopher prances backstage to the models' holding tank to jump around with Katie and throw her a little bit of credit for the win. Eh, I don't think so, but carry on, as Tim Gunn would say. Katie says that the winning look was just SO everything she is. You WALKED Katie. Calm down.
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Comments (8)
Did Qristyl end up taking the redheaded model? (Erika?) She is pretty but not a great walker.
1 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on August 23, 2009 4:21 PM
AS for the Yosuzi situation (I will so miss that name!), she may have shaded her measurements a bit, but I think Mitchell blew it by putting too much smocking in his dress. Unless you use elastic thread, smocking gathers up the material and reduces the size. She probably either had gained a bit or shaded her measurements, and he miscalculated how much smocking he could use.
Someone on another site remarked that most designers leave some "wiggle room", so to speak, until they actually have their fitting with the model, and gave Epperson as an example of doing exactly that. It makes sense.
BTW Mitchell's original dress was possibly even more hideous than his see-through nightie, so the whole Yosuzi measurement controversy is moot. Well, she wasn't that pretty, I guess--but that name was sooo great!
2 of 8 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on August 23, 2009 4:26 PM
The show was a bit of a snooze, but I guess it will warm up as we get to know models and designers better. For now, I'll be happy with getting a hilarious recap afterwards, and I will root for Erika (thanks, I didn't even bother reading any of the names when the show was on) because she seemed sweet and insecure, and ready to break out into a band camp story any second. I'm sure that will change as soon as her designer wins and she turns into yet another entitled pretty bitch, but for now, there's the reasons above and the fact that I don't really remember anyone else...
3 of 8 | Posted by sayhuh | Posted on August 23, 2009 5:55 PM
I'm pulling for the Irish girl whose name I already forgot... Yeah, cause I'm a sucker for accents and she looks a bit like Ali Larter after two weeks in the wilderness with nothing to eat but twigs and berries.
4 of 8 | Posted by themiki | Posted on August 24, 2009 6:35 AM
Loved the recap, Honey. It was more interesting than the actual show! I imagine the bitchiness will ensue as soon as they start ovulating together. It usually takes a few weeks for Top Model to get interesting, too.
Erika and Qristal. Those names are *do* bloody painful to me. Parents of the world, stop trying to make your kids interesting, k? A stupid spelling gives kids more reason to mock. Plus, they will never get those cute little personalized pencils and be traumatized for life. Seriously.
Erika looks a bit too much like the mugshot of strung-out Lindsay Lohan. And terribly dirty for some reason.
I felt a bit for Mitchell, though pixelated was totally right about the smocking. Most designers do leave a bit of space for growth. Periods happen and five pounds gained may throw the whole design off. I like that Heidi stuck up for her girl Yosuzi, but a real designer would have dumped her skinny 23 inch waist for lying on her measurement card. That said, his dress looked like ass. Only Queen Victoria might have been interested in it -- if it had been black. I actually liked it better as a panty hose curtain with ruff.
5 of 8 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on August 24, 2009 1:38 PM
HA! Best part was when Erika got suprisingly chosen BY CRYSTAL (sorry I'm supposed to spell that with a Q and a Y and an H and a Z somewhere but prefer to just skip the whole butchering of the name and go with the standard spelling). I predict CRYSTAL screws up next episode and is voted off, thus we'll be treated to another 20 minutes of Erika practicing her walk, telling us she's super competitive and crossing her fingers so she doesn't get kicked off the model "competition".
6 of 8 | Posted by Nimabu | Posted on August 24, 2009 2:23 PM
So great to have you in the PR fray, Honey!!! Your acerbic tone will be perfectly suited to this bon mot of fashion after thought! To me it's dessert after the episode ends and I want muah! Can't say much about it yet, as you say, lots of designers and models and relationships to memorize . . . sigh . . . but how revolting that freebee tent was . . . talk about haves and have nots. Weren't they reluctant to give their goodies to nobodies?
The worse part of those tents is I bet it gives said Haves the opportunity to regift!!!! UGH!!!!
7 of 8 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on August 24, 2009 2:45 PM
No shit, the only reason that guy didn't get booted out (other than going up against the looney tune Fish chick) was that the girl fudged her measurements, forcing him to ditch his incredibly stupid original design.
Besides, Yo!Suzy! was the prettiest of the bunch. Well, at least the only one who wasn't so starved that she'd lost her tits.
I kind of like the behind-the-scenes aspect of this show. And of course the extra minutes gazing at Heidi Klum.
8 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on August 24, 2009 3:57 PM