JoJo is surprisingly comforting and I have to admit that I like him more with each episode. Granted, he has had 24 years of experience of talking this crazy woman off the ledge, and I'm not going to blame him when one day he gives up and just lets her jump. In fact, maybe I'll throw him a parade. I am shocked that a woman who has said something to offend every race, ethnicity and general body type is saying that she is hurt that no one wants to make her stupid dish. Don't be a raging psycho and maybe people will want to spend more then 5 minutes with you, mmmmkay?
Julie (who?!) takes pity on her and makes the dish solo, hoping to score some brownie points. Sorry honey, but the only way you're scoring brownie points is if you are a WASP.
Over on Team Blonde, Lorraine admits that she has no desire to win since she's dying to pull Michelle's file. Cut to Michelle peeling an apple with a very sharp knife, then dropping it on the floor and yelling five second rule. TF rightly scolds her like the little child she is and makes her throw it out.
Secret ingredient: Type O negative.
Judging time! The boys come back to judge the dishes along with Tyler. Hopefully these dishes taste better then they look. Team Blonde's eggplant parm looks like a cat threw up in a dish, then covered it with cheese and baked at 350 for 20 minutes. Lorraine couldn't be happier.
Team Rob's matzoh ball soup looks like the plant from Little House of Horrors drowned in a bowl. Should there be that much jungle in the bowl?
R.I.P. Audrey II
Esther makes a comment about "the balls being on the hard side, just the way you like them Rob." Trust Seacrest to put vieled homosexual remarks in primetime television.
KKK's catalese made by Julie is next, and they all call it delicious.
Bangs and Megan ventured away from the recipes and made stuffed peppers, and they all freak out about it. Not sure why, because it's essentially hamburger helper shoved into a green pepper and even my 12-year-old cousin can do that. Erica is the other wildcard and chose to make a southern chicken casserole. Michael's eyes literally lit up wen he tasted it.
Tyler Florence announces our winners and picks Erica, who heaves a huge sigh of relief that her Playmate past will be covered for another day. Julie and her caltese also win, as do Bangs and Megan's stuffed peppers. Bangs adds another "I'm so awesome" point to her tally.
Back at the house, KKK is so excited to get into the files that she tries to break into the box in the middle of the night. It would be funny if I didn't hate her so much.
If you open that box, someone might push you into it.
The next morning, the group gather around the Box of Secrets. KKK is like a kid on Christmas. Lorraine picks first and immediatly goes for Michelle, who bursts into tears. That file did seem pretty fat, so I understand, but don't sympathize. Lorraine is reading though Michelle's file, which starts by listing all the plastic surgery she's had. Nose job, Botox, hair extensions and TWO boob jobs! And Christ allmighty, she's only 25. She's also $130,000 in debt, and doesn't have an Ivy League degree or a house. But she does have lots of Louis Vuitton!
Damn girl, you really are as dumb as you look!
Lorraine rightfully calls her out on all the surgery at such a young age which Michelle defends by saying its maintenance. Honey, if you need "maintenance" at 25, lord help you when you hit 40 or 50.
Michelle when she is no longer allowed to borrow more money for plastic surgery.
KKK lunges for Brittany Fuchs file, and she may need some assistance because that thing is the size of the phonebook. She starts maniacally laughing and scampering off like the little troll she is, and Brittany Fuchs asks if she can read it with her. They go off by the pool. KKK opens the file and is greeted by Brit's who-ha. She admits to doing "some" nude modeling, but that's like saying Tommy Chong never inhaled. Because he did, A LOT. See where I'm going with this? Homegirl did a lot of nudie photos.
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Comments (10)
You know, I actually did an internet search on some of the girls that supposedly were so worried about their 'past' being splattered all over there. And what I found about Erica really shocked me. She behaves like such a proper lady, shy and reserved. But my goodness - the girl is sluty. She did not pose for Playboy. She posed for Penthouse. She is actually referred to as 'one of the porn queens'. I am not a prude, but I think there is a HUGE difference between posing for Playboy, which is done most of time tastefully and actually looks pretty, and posing in Penthouse, where all they do is make you a seem a slut. I am looking forward to hearing her explain this 'career move' to Lorraine or Michael. Everyone one has a right to make any choices and decisions they wish - but then have courage of your convictions, and stand behind your actions. It makes me laugh historically when any stupid bimbo out there tries to blame all the shit in her life on 'being young'. No, you are just a dumb bimbo.
And I finally realized that the premise of this show is a total set up. It is obvious that the producers selected two types of girls only - educated, successful and 'normal' girls, and the second group of dumb hot bimbos. Isn't it amazing how all the guys went chasing after the sluts first? Although I do not blame JoJo as much as the others - since he is only 21, he probably can't believe that REAL hot blooded women are willing to make out with him, as opposed to high school girls he was probably dating thus far (or not girls - we don't discriminate).
This show has finally made me really sick, and I will not watch it again. I will READ YOU RECAPS though, since reading clever, pithy, wiseass commentary make my day.
1 of 10 | Posted by renata | Posted on January 6, 2009 9:08 PM
Awesome (yeah, I been watching Bret Michaels) recap, PopPrincess, really hitting your stride here.
And yeah, I don't think I've seen another reality show so OBVIOUSLY faked, scripted, setup or what have you. Every single element of this show seems to have been carefully chosen for its specific effect.
Which naturally makes the show a hoot to watch -- I really loved the cruelty of the transparent folder case, for one thing. And of course, the whole 'contest' was rigged to allow the producers to keep certain folders (Erika) hidden.
And yes, there is a world of difference between a Playmate and a Pet -- it's all in the name, if you think about it.
Although JoJo's an idiot hypocrit just like his mom -- he's spent the last few years jerking off to exactly those photos (hey, we all do it, it's perfectly natural and even healthful to do it, so get over yer puritan shame and enjoy one of life's truly free pleasures), all of sudden the girl's not good enough?
So I'm a bit torn on the Erika thing -- on the one hand, yeah, the photos are nicely raunchy (don't know if she's done any actual porn vids, looks like it's mostly bondage in her resume). On the other, she seems like a genuinely nice person, and articulate enough--and she knows how to cook. So maybe the 'porn queen' is just acting?
Well, regardless, you'd have to be one super-confident guy to handle a relationship with a girl like that. And anyway, Erika's only there so we can watch Lorraine implode some time soon.
That 'watery stuff' coming out of KKK's eyes was probably venom, or toad toxin.
And I really love Esther and her 'I know there's nothing bad in this folder' attitude. And she's right-- if these guys were serious about finding 'lurv' then they'd be picking Lauren.
But they're not. They're here for a party with a bunch of hot sluts. Hey, I was 25 once upon a time too.
Sorry, I do go on...
2 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 7, 2009 12:54 AM
Thanks for the recap, loved the little shop of horrors reference. That is exactly what it looked like! Itchy, I never considered how the different names (playmate vs. pet)is really quite descriptive of the level of slutacious sluttery required. I too did a quick search (what? I'm "young"!) but the first thing I saw was Erika playing a joystick video game with her hooha. um...no. Great recap, looking forward to the next.
3 of 10 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 7, 2009 4:03 AM
@renata, I agree with you, thanks for sticking with me even if you won't be watching anymore!
@itchy: I totally LOL'ed at the toad venom remark....may have to borrow that for the next KKK cry-fest, I will be sure to credit you!
@tadow: HOLY CRAP, are you kidding me?! If I wasn't at work I would totally Google her ass right now....I know what I'm doing tonight! At least she had a few inventive uses for household items.
4 of 10 | Posted by PopPrincess! | Posted on January 7, 2009 9:50 AM
Great job, PopPrincess! I'm giggling at the dirty food descriptions and KKK's antics, I can totally see it as you describe it. I have to say, I canNOT for the LIFE of me fathom being a full-grown adult and still expecting to have mommy's help getting dressed. Ever since I became a "big boy" (around age 5) I have been responsible for my clothing choices, which explains why everybody was trying to beat me up in school, but still, my mom didn't interfere there, she just laughed at me on my way out the door... I'd rather have THAT kind of relationship with her than a cloying, cling-o-rama one!
Keep 'em comin', I'm lovin' it!
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on January 7, 2009 1:37 PM
Okay, in the spirit of self-sacrifice, I went ahead and did a bit more ...um...research on Erica. And I must say:
Ewwwww.
Which is not to say I fault her for the choices she made in her 'past' (she's not referring to the Penthouse gig--that's a lot more upscale than her earlier 'work') -- to each his own, I suppose.
And after all, it's a multi-billion dollar industry and one of the driving forces of internet commerce. So it's not like she's all alone.
But it IS pretty creepy that she's on the show attempting to win the hearts of some of these people --and she seems to be doing pretty well with the MILF mom-- while withholding some essential information about who she is. Or was.
Gack. I'm trying to imagine bringing her home to meet my dad ....
6 of 10 | Posted by itchy | Posted on January 7, 2009 1:56 PM
I'm old enough to be one of these kids' moms, and I really don't care what a girl did in her past--as long as it's in her past. Though the joystick thing would be hard to take! I actually would rather have a son date a former Pet or Playmate than someone with a plastic surgery addiction and over $100,000 in debt (that isn't student loans).
As for KKK, I'm sure that she, like many people of her ilk, believes that most white people share her twisted values, so is shocked when she is rejected for them. Probably most of her friends and family have the same beliefs (or don't challenge her, anyway), so she has a skewed view of the world. She probably only watches Fox News. ;)
I do believe that the show is contrived, if not scripted. That is one reason that the boys are going for precisely the girls that their mamas can't stand. You know if they are really "momma's boys" that they wouldn't do that (with Momma around anyway).
Do you think that KKK and Esther have clashed over KKK's attitude toward Jews?
I don't even know Erika's last name, or I'd google her.
7 of 10 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on January 7, 2009 2:04 PM
Catlese sounds like some kind of disease you get when playing the Oregon Trail...."sorry, but you got catlese and died"
OMG! That was laugh out loud funny! Thanks for the re-cap, I look forward to more!
8 of 10 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on January 7, 2009 10:05 PM
I only looked at the pics for a minute, in a small screen...I swear! I couldn't bring myself to enlarge them or to look at them again now. Try this if you really want to (you don't!) google search: Erica Ellyson+ images (NSFW!!)
you've been warned
9 of 10 | Posted by tadow | Posted on January 8, 2009 3:59 AM
well of course michelle had two boob jobs, one for each boob! haha! remember she's blond.....i'm sure that's her reasoning.
10 of 10 | Posted by mrngstar | Posted on January 9, 2009 11:28 AM