Forgo the diet for an EXTRA HELPING OF MORE TO LOVE!
This week on more to love, fatass dreams do come true when Tali and Malissa meat Luke's family (yeah, I'm hilarious) and then his mom, and go on a final date. Then, Luke picks out two wedding rings for dramatic resonance, but only one girl can get the fat man all to herself!!!! THE FINALE, BITCHES!
Ohhhh, Shit, bitches. More to LOVE in the Hizzy!
So we're down to Tali Tali Bo Bali and Trashy-ass spelled-with-an-a-in-the-second-letter-space-instead-of-e Malissa. Time to meet Lucky Luke's family!
Tali is first. But before family comes canine. Right? This dog is surprisingly thin.
I was expecting a pug, or at least a domestic pig.
We learn that Luke is a product of a broken home (no shit) and also that Tali needs to go easy on the self-tanner.
Israel in a bottle
But before the actual meeting...of course, let's eat something. You two look STARVED. And by starved I mean, like total fat asses, aside from Tali saying she hasn't eaten anything and is starved. Okay, if you've eaten something in the last 45 minutes, than in actuality, you HAVE eaten something. So...
Ease up on the sprite, bitch.
Tali tells Luke that she needs to pick him, so that she can "balance" him. What, with her steadfast healthy eating habits and fear of water. Luke tells Tali that his dad is gonna love her (creepy) and prepared to be grilled by religious right-wingers . Fun!
Bt don't worry, if you get stressed or nervous, Tali, you can just hide in your own hair.
LIke a waterfall of pantene hiding my fat and my Jewish guilt
This is the first mention of Tali ever being JEWISH, too, and Luke's family being devoutly Christian. Blech. I mean, I guess I was hoping that Tali was a muslim or one of those Christian jews. Still, I can't wait for some awkward, non-PC Christian redneck banter! HOLLA!
Oh, here's the limo driving up in front of a lower middle class home.
Luke's family: devout Christians and day laborers
We see some white people cutting meat in the back yard, making jokes about overeating. Then, Luke and Tali come in. ZIng! But seriously, Luke's Dad and brother look like ignorant white dudes and Luke's grandmother? Well...
She looks a SHIT-TON like this.
Hugs all around, but please don't touch the art.
Tali meets Mike, Mike and "Grandma." Christ, these people are the same people who have a basement for crafting, and a special spot at the dinner table for jesus. Barf Bag. And Luke's Dad is just as condescending as his son! It's good to know the fat apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Definitely works with his hands.
Luke's Dad feels Tali's charisma in his pants.
Luke, of course, is nervous that his family will ask Tali questions like "Where are your horns?" and, "Why did you kill the baby jesus?"
Oh, and Whistler's Grandmother asks Tali where she is from, and doesn't really get the answer.
I don't look or speak to terrorists.
Okay, so whistler's grandmother is "ohhing" and "ahhing" and wondering about words like "hebrew" and "culture." Then she asks Tali what her favorite thing about Luke is. Tali says, "That he likes everything chunky-style." No, she says some mature answer or some shit.
Meanwhile, Mike, Mike and Luke are standing around the food-table.
Platters are for fags, right Dad? (gobble gobble)
Before dinner, the Christians pray to Jesus for all the food he brought them on his alien ship that landed in the Connolly refrigerator. Tali awkwardly complies, but is really wondering, "is this all Kosher?" Yeah, I'm hilarious.
Kosher beef injections, grandma, and an undernourished dog.
Luke's dad, an asshole, jokes "why don't we just have church right now." Whistler's Grandma laughs.
And then has a small stroke.
Praise the lord and pass the potaters! Wow, this family is oozing class.
They recount the fact that Tali is deathly afraid of water (She's a witch!!! A witch!) and the family get out some wooden steaks and poles. But really, just steaks. Medium rare.
Tali talks about being fat and how that makes her similar and bonded to Luke. Then she talks about wanting to be a MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER. HAHAHHAHAHA! Are you serious? Just because you're fat and israeli? Man, okay. I guess. I'm sure other jewish fatties have a handle on it, don'tcha think?
After dinner, they go inside for more food.
All gone!
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Comments (5)
Yeah, this is going to last, though I totally thought he was going to pick lie-about-her-weight Malissa.
How did Luke's mother, who looks intelligent, fashionable and together, married Luke's dad? Was she drugged or at gunpoint? I mean, the woman didn't mention Jesus once! No kidding they're divorced.
1 of 5 | Posted by SpaceVenus | Posted on September 24, 2009 1:44 PM
I can't believe I watched this thing. That said, Granny Luke is somethin' else! Old ladies haven't looked like that since the 1930s. Was she wearing a wig or some hair squashed by a hairnet? I wish they'd do a sequel following Luke and Tali throughout the engagement and wedding (like it'll ever happen) and show his douchey dad and Granny feuding with Mom and trying to get Jesus to break the couple up. Fun galore! Luke's dog sure is cute and probably never gets any table scraps.
2 of 5 | Posted by Gilty Plezzur | Posted on September 24, 2009 2:25 PM
Oh you just know that Luke's mom was thinking: "Okay, which of these fatsos will piss of my idiot jesus-freak ex and his prune-face bitch of a mother the most."
Although I'm kind of surprised Luke fell into his mother's trap. I suppose he's used to his parents fighting through him.
Man, I'd love to see the wedding where her ultra-orthodox bigot parents get together with his fundamentalist bigot family.
You just know the Israeli's are going to give them all the finger and say: "Fuck you, nudniks, SHE's jewish, that means the kids are jewish TOO. We win again!"
3 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 24, 2009 4:03 PM
I said to my husband as we watched this, "This family is straight outta central casting."
I mean Grandma was the granny from the Beverly Hillbillies, right? And the dad is Peter's drunken lech friend from Family Guy, and no way that seemingly educated and classy woman ever put up with his BS long enough to have 2 kids with him...Also, where were the famous nieces and nephews mentioned all season??? I call BS!
4 of 5 | Posted by messystation | Posted on September 24, 2009 4:43 PM
Mona dahlink! You must be so relieved this is over. I feel dirty for reading this, but I like it!
what's next for you here at the gasm?
XOXOXOXOXO
5 of 5 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 25, 2009 4:50 PM