What a bunch of whack jobs. We lose two girls this week but I want to start out on a high note- here's that picture of the conch blowing hunk that I was promising you:
It's probably no accident that they hardly ever show the guy, he is waaay hotter than Antonio. I wonder if some female producer found him, is banging him and got him this gig to keep him in her bed. If so, I would like to thank her. But please, give him more airtime! It will help balance out the bullshit.
We open this episode with the Tully drama. She and Baloney got together when he was only 18, she's 7 or 8 years older than him, their marriage only lasted a few months and Tully blames their break-up on their youth and Melting Mama's meddling. I choose to blame it on Tully's lack of a nutsack.
Mama can't take the heat, so she gets up and leaves the table.
Sexay.
None of the girls are happy about this turn of events so they get right down to some bitchy bickering over why Tully is there. The details are a bit hazy on why they actually broke up and Tully just stands there like a sullen linebacker with a tension headache. She has really got some seriously huge shoulders.
I don't think that Dykey is ready to play catch with Sullen just yet, not until she gets to the bottom of things! Why is she really there? Is she Baloney's sister? Did he bring her on to the show to spy on them? Or more importantly..
They go back to the suite, Sullen in tow, and she tells them how romantic their relationship was. How Baloney got on one knee on the set of General Hospital and proposed to her, East German weight lifter shoulders and all, in front of the cast and crew. Awwwww. That's so romantic! Until he found out that she's a girl. Then he dumped her.
At least that's what J-Mo says so we'll split the difference and say that he's bi, at least when cameras aren't rolling. It would go a long way in explaining why he seems to have zero passion for any of these chicks so far. He's so unnatural around them. It's like he'd rather be doing anything else. Like munching on peen, perhaps?
Enough of him, he's not why I watch as I've made abundantly clear. It's gurl duh-rama time! Starring my girl, Dykey!
When you drink a lot and smoke the good Hawaiian shit, you get the munchies. Dykey isn't immune, so she gets out the frozen waffles and spreads cream cheese on them and heats them up. NASTY. Who eats waffles that way? Butter and syrup-yum. Blueberries and strawberries and powdered sugar- deeeelicious, but cream cheese? Never heard of it. Is this lesbionic code for cootchie snarffling? Help a straight girl out, cuz no one eats that crap, right?
She asks Lost Girl if she wants some and I'm surprised. I thought that she would have offered some to Gretchen, she seemed to be way more into her, the way she was holding her hand at dinner. Lost Girl doesn't want any, of course and she thinks that Dykey is messing with her for even asking.
They fight because Dykey is drunk and thinks that she is being nice by offering up some snatch snacks while Lost Girl is sick and tired of being fucked with and why won't everyone leave her alone? Well, let's think about that a moment, shell we? She's vulnerable, she's confused and she's in a house full of scary, desperate bitches. It's no different than watching my cat play with a mouse. They do it because they can and it's instinctive, Lord of the Flies with bitches instead of pre-teen boys.
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Comments (6)
Let me get this straight, they hypnotized these women not to get them to tell the truth or reveal their feelings, but simply to humiliate themselves? Reality shows aren't even trying anymore, are they?
Thanks for the screen cap of the conch-blowing guy. You can use these pictures as much as you want to. He's as welcome as Hugh Jackman!
1 of 6 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on August 31, 2009 8:32 PM
So VH1 thinks it's okay to foist 'bisexual' Tila Tequila on the world, but still insist on pretending THIS dating show has any basis in reality?
They ought to have done the same thing here, stock the house half with guys. Just to see who he'd end up with.
2 of 6 | Posted by itchy | Posted on September 1, 2009 12:03 AM
Twunty, OMG, this show is HELL! Talk about not caring about the outcome! I think I'd be more interested in knowing how many STD's he can test positive for at the end of the show, and whether or not they match any of the bimbos... or Conch Guy.
And the whole Mama thing is just annoying and horrible, and she's a heinous bitch for sure. I love you breaking her down, girl!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Shannel from Drag Race is going to be at the event I'm going to in Vegas this weekend! I will try to get a picture with her!
3 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 1, 2009 1:14 PM
Pixielated, I already started this week's recap and there is more Conch Guy. I wish that they would give him his own show. In my bedroom. With no audience. Conch optional, as are the clothes.
Oh Itchy, you are so right. His interest would be just as convincing if all the contestants were amputee burn victims or sociopathic midgets with chronic excema.
J-Mo, I am so jealous. Please, please get a pic with her! I would die, love her, she's flawless! If you get lucky, Email the pic to me @ twunty.mcslore@gmail.com.
Wait, isn't Top Chef filming there? You spy, you!
4 of 6 | Posted by twunty mcslore | Posted on September 1, 2009 1:46 PM
Twunty, you are a goddess amongst recappers. Seriously, first all the Loves shows and Megan and now this? Mercy, who'd you piss off in management? :)
So, Conch Guy is definitely the best thing about this show, which I finally gave up trying to watch after about five times. (I somehow managed to fall asleep everytime.) One thing: does CG always play that shell backwards or is he merely giving it a loving look in that screen cap? :) Thanks for making this steaming pile of dung fun!
5 of 6 | Posted by jennaboa | Posted on September 1, 2009 2:38 PM
Like I said in my previous post, is it possible to pretend that Conch Guy is a Hawaiian version of Punisher?
I mean, I'm just saying here...
6 of 6 | Posted by Lissadoll4eva | Posted on September 1, 2009 10:20 PM