Yeah. Almost.

So, to send us off in style, we're going to Hawaii! But Chriss isn't going to make it pleasant for us. He's blaring "HAWAIIII" like Ads was blaring "PAAARTYYY" the night they went to the Surreal Life house and Jesus H, if it's not one, it's the other.

You're missing those slogan shirts now, aren't ya, you meany pants recapper?

Chrissy is excited to go as a last ditch effort to warm her up to the baby idea in the tropics, but Ads is excited to go because she loves hotels and room service. Amen to that, sister. I've wound up in Motel 6's in Bakersfield just to live the dream.

But unfortunately for our second honeymooners, it's cold and windy on the island of Kauai. But the natives are trying their darnedest to not let that get in the way for these two. They arrive at the hotel, receive the standard flower leis, (and thank god we don't have to suffer through any "getting lei'd" jokes. They're so that type.) and two nubile young things do a traditional dance for the them. Adrienne comments that they're quick with their wrists, so Chris should bring 'em to the room. Not to be out done in the joke department Chris says it was a fertility dance.

No, it's actually to ward off reality stank.

The room is beautiful and you can see whales breaching from the window, but Ads is more into shaking her titties in the mirror.

But do those whales have a rack like this?

So it's stormy, but they both go outside and throw their pasty asses in the hot tub anyway. Genius. OMG, like is this a bad omen?? asks Chrissy. Better question: Is this at all safe? But he's too busy to think about practical matters, because he's got important arithmetic to do! He starts lamenting that he'll be sixty when his hypothetical children are eightenn. What kind of math is that?? He's forty-nine as of press time. And we've already been over this before because Neighborhood Don already told him that his kids would be eleven when he's sixty. Who knew I would be missing the ND or that he was a voice of reason?

Always possible they could have the smartest ten year olds of all time, but not likely.

That night they head to a luau and as they head over to the location with their guide, Chrissy says it's like Fantasy Island. Ads laughs because she doesn't realize he's talking about the TV show, not the strip club. Apparently it's the "Smith Family Luau", which sounds as credible as if my family decided to slap our last name on a Chinese New Year celebration. Make up a name for chrissakes.

So before they see how the Smiths throw down, they meet a Hawaiian holy man who has been set up by Vh1 for these two to "renew their vows". It's not much more than a chance for them to get in a few seconds of schmaltzy romantic talk about loving and respecting one another. Ads says that she can tell this man has "a really good soul in him", but can barely hold her laughter in the whole ceremony because talking in Hawaiian is hilarious! Ads says that it sounds like "Mekka Lekka Hi-Mekka Hiney Ho" from Pee Wee Herman and, well, it actually does.

I see that Pee Wee many times. So funny!

Chris tries to get some of the Hawaiian phrases down to coo into her ear when they get home and are stumbling home drunk from their neighborhood bars. Much to no ones surprise, he can't get the phrase. If you add eighteen to forty-nine and get sixty, then I highly doubt your ability to master another language.

And then we get to meet the Smiths. And they sure do look Hawaiian for that WASP-y name.

Obviously that's just our stage name, so you white people don't say our name sounds like that damn Pee Wee Herman phrase.

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Posted in My Fair Brady by IS | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: blahblah on Mar 29, 2008 07:29 AM.