Fun bags, that is.
The twins have arrived! And thank god, I'm not talking about living, breathing progeny, but the man-made, shoved-into-your-pectoral-muscles kind. And gosh, we had a proud mama. Get her while you can. Next week is the last episode in this installment. But fear not, these probably air three times a year.
We begin this episode with our requisite bed scene and Adrienne is waking up with a full face of makeup. Now I give it up to Ads for always looking au natural on this thing, so why is she in her silk pjs looking like a painted cadaver?
The Fishers did such a good job.
Chris is in even more of a kiss ass mood than usual since Adrienne told him she won't have his baby. (Works like a charm.) There's a confusing conversation about puppies or "papis". Adrienne isn't clear on what she means, if she even means anything, because when Chris says he hopes to be a "papi" Ads looks confused and says no. Eh, I'm gonna have to let this one go. I'm making this face again.
He feels awful that he's ever given her the impression that he thought she would be a bad mother. Ads, on the other hand, doesn't give a damn that she's given the whole world the impression that she would be a bad mother.
Ads shows us some of her better qualities.
So Chris, taking a breather from his exhausting facebook scrabble duties, is now embarking on a mission to prove that he's the best caretaker in all the lands. After much tedious discussion, Ads is finally going under the knife and she's going to need to be waited on hand and foot post-op. He proclaims this with the gravity of a somber relative discussing a kidney transplant recipient, not a half-witted reality star forking over ten-odd grand for some vanity surgery.
Adrienne says she really just wants her implants to look like her old boobs but without nipples going every direction. Dude, that would be waaaay more interesting that normal nipples. Especially in this silicon-happy town. You keep saying you want to make money off of them. Well there you go, girl! Nipple circus!
North and South by Southwest? Now we're talkin'!
Chris makes himself useful and runs the one errand for Adrienne. This is the kind of thing that shows that he's "worth his salt". Neighborhood Don and Kathy's three year old could remember a list of three items, but he's been out of the workforce for a while, so we politely lower our expectations. So his three big items were birth control, anti bacterial soap, and fugly slippers. This successful errand running is presented with such fanfare, he's gone to such lengths as to wrap it in a gift bag. No girl loves a big pink gift bag more than when it's housing giant pig slippers complete with swine tail! He even went the extra mile (Whoa! Chris is off listing it, people.) he even gets a bell for her to ring while she's laid up in bed, slowly integrating silicon into her body. Of course, Ads has to bitch that it's a heavy bell.
Complaining brings out the pleaser in Chris, so he adds that he recognizes that he hasn't done everything to make her feel safe so he's going to get the house set up with an alarm system and at Christmas she'll have a gun. This makes our girl happy! In anticipation of the surgery, Ads keeps mentioning that tomorrow a man is going to "cut her pectoral muscles and lift them from her rib cage". Hey there, pre-med! I love when Ads uses sounds a little intelligent. It's the same kind of tiny thrill I get when I find money in the pocket of an old coat. What a delightful surprise!
He remembered everything she said to get (again, my ass could have remembered) and demands he get a medal. What a nurse. Ladies, don't get your tits done without him. Luckily, we don't have to witness Adrienne touching her god-given tits all night, as she proclaims she's going to do. Good bye, little titties! Wish we could have seen your crazy, circus nipples!
So she gets up and dresses in the ugliest silk jammies ever to go to surgery. She looks like an alcoholic Beverly Hills retiree. At least bust out a juicy couture tracksuit, girl. We all know you're not afraid to take your fashion to 2002.
She forgot to mention the cataract surgery.
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Comments (1)
Am I the only one who feels like it's weird that these girls shower together? Although I seem to recall from season 1 or 2 that she does this with her other friends too... I mean I'm all for having self confidence in your bod but it just seems like a boundary most of us don't care to cross with our best friend.
1 of 1 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on March 6, 2008 3:28 AM