Welcome back! Does it seem different around here? If it does, it's because everybody at My Fair Brady changed their minds this week. Adrienne is total mother material after all. "Babysitting" for an afternoon while the actual parents stick around and the cameras roll, now qualifies people as excellent parent material.
In all fairness, Adrienne's future stepmom said she's really sweet, so this has to count for something. Although no one points out that Denise Richards always seemed really sweet and look how that turned out. So, if you're not drinking the kool-aid, read on. If you are buying this new maternal song and dance, I recommend you never procreate either.
We open on our hereos in the bedroom and thank god there's no mention of dragon breath. Vh1 has replaced that with gratuitous ass shots of Adrienne, which seems unnecessary, but I'm pleased they saw my open letter. It's always nice to feel heard. Adrienne is marveling over the spot where her new huge breastesses will surely be in a matter of time.
Chris, however, is concerned that this whole thing is just going to give her another reason to flash people. That's like me wondering if writing these recaps is going to give another reason to make shitty photoshop art. Also since Adrienne has never had a surgery before he describes the pending aftermath as an "interesting recovery period". So now we know that Vh1 has their next season lined up even if she doesn't end up preggo. Fannntastic.
Ten more years of reality shows with you? Now I know how Katie Holmes feels.
Chris gets up for the day and Adrienne actually says, "Don't leave mama." Oh, ew, girl. Shut it. But Chrissy just can't stay in bed for he's "got things to do"!!! Now Chris is many things, but "gainfully employed" he is not. Things to do indeed.
His schedule is jam-packed with phantom cooking classes and scrabble dates on Facebook. (Seriously, what does this man do with his time?) The early bird gets the worm, chides Chris. And his worm is outta there! Guess you're not getting any, Adrienne. But Adrienne doesn't want the worm 'till it takes a shower. So, there. But, wait. Isn't Chris the bird in this scenario, geniuses?
So after his morning AIM session with his parents, Chris studies a 16x20 sheet of blank paper carefully and then calls his married-with-children friend, Don, after he finally concedes the staring contest to the paper.
Rats. Skunked again.
Don, "neighborhood friend", has been hired by Vh1 to brow beat our heroes into procreating. The troops are coming, he exclaims! He's bringing the rugrats to the beach for one big playdate. Chris and Adrienne are going to do some supervised baby-sitting and Chris gets in a zinger about being so experienced with Adrienne and all. Sometimes the truth is funny, Chris, but in your case it's just creepy.
So the whole gang tromps out to the beach and we have all four adults hovering over two small children and yet nobody can manage to keep sand from repeatedly finding it's way into this one's mouth.
Their stepmoms find them sweet, though.
Adrienne confesses it's an assload of work having to worry about what your kid is doing, touching, eating 24/7. I know my own mother feels this way. So hopefully this feeling will persist. Chris feels like a natural, but Adrienne points out it's only been an hour. In the logic contest these days, Adrienne seems to be kicking Chrissy's ass. And now it's time for the Neighborhood Don Lecture Series. You are never really ready for kids, he goes on and on about today. If you think about it, you'll never do it.
"Eff Planned Parenthood," he cries, raises his fists to the heavens and vows to impregnate Adrienne himself if Chrissy doesn't prove his manhood. This will perhaps end in a duel. Okay, this doesn't happen, but when things suck, I like to reimagine them in a way that amuses me. As I become progressively bored with this show, this recap may become entirely made-up.
"Sinner" slogan shirts are all the rage with the new mom set these days. Along with pretending to be blind.
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Comments (4)
This recap was hilarious IS! I laughed out loud numerous times. This show is so horrendous, and sometimes I put ADS on my list of people I would punch if I could do it and get away with it because she really is one of the worst people on the planet. (although one i watch her, and two i have a running list of people I would punch...so who am i to throw stones!)
Anyways, if you ever see her at the gun range again, give her my best! And keep up the great work!
1 of 4 | Posted by remy111 | Posted on February 15, 2008 7:35 AM
I'm not sure how you did it (what with this show to work with) but you had me laughing. I can't bear to watch the show, but I enjoy your recaps. Good job!
2 of 4 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on February 15, 2008 8:52 PM
Every time I see Adrienne's parents I think of two things:
1. Dad looks like one of Bearstein Bears.
And I like how he just sort of agrees with everything and nods and says Yup..
and
2. Mom back in Joliet always saying "We're good breed man".
3 of 4 | Posted by RHODA | Posted on February 19, 2008 3:02 AM
Slight correction:
Adrienne's dad looks like one of the BERENSTAIN BEARS...The Papa Bear!
4 of 4 | Posted by RHODA | Posted on February 19, 2008 3:11 AM