So Adrienne and Chris just get high on their weak beginner's luck will and decide to have an after party at Don and Cathy's crib. Adrienne and Cathy go huff rails in the bathroom, while Chris and Don do body shots off the kids. Sigh. No such luck. Actually, Adrienne and Cathy go scrub down the lil tykes, while Chris and Don have more baby talk. Adrienne now understands why parents take bathtub pictures. It's sooooooo cute!!!!! Contrary to popular belief, it is not to humiliate you a score and a half or so later. Oh, Ads! You are so charming when you fawn over wet babies. You'd be an awesome mom.
Meanwhile, back at the manly pow-wow, Neighborhood Don is going for gusto with his dad speech. Okay, this dude is getting really fucking annoying now and I mean it this time, because I never drop the F-bomb around here. He's so alarmist and sensationalistic that it veers towards the Lifetime Original. Okay, we can all do the math and realize that if Chris has a kid next year he would be sixty when the kid is only eleven.
Chris, however, is stunned by this mathematical revelation.
Neighborhood Don is on a one-man mission to convince the world that you do not know the true meaning of joy until you have a child. In fact, your life will be meaningless. This is not part of my fictionalized account.
Adrienne is left alone with the children for a minute and she takes the opportunity to pick their brain. Another smart move, because we all know Don and Cath haven't been delivering the most sage advice to our dynamic duo. She asks the girls when she should have a baby, and they don't even miss a beat.
Or never.
And now, dear readers, in our next segment, we are treated by a visit from Adrienne's dad, who is just, you know, your everyday, salt-o'-the-earth Midwestern ogre. Let's give him a warm TVgasm welcome!
In his natural habitat this is camouflage.
I don't know much about Adrienne's dad, but he looks awesome. And he seems to scare the pants off Chris. They have some icebreaker talk about their need to move and how they need more room for all of their "baggage". Adrienne's dad laughs at that one! Dang, girl, you on fire this episode, Chrissy. All that Facebook scrabble is makin' you totally cheeky.
So Adrienne and her dad are having a father-daughter bonding day shooting guns. And I totally have nothing bad to say about this because I am a huge fan of the automatic weapon. In FACT, they are getting trained by American Defense Enterprises, which is where yours truly, Miss Lady Sensation, does her firearms training. I can confirm that they are at the shoot house, which by my experience puts them out in Azusa. For the sake of full disclosure, I went on a date with one of these guys, though it's hard to tell which one he is from this angle and he was a really great guy. So, basically they rule. Bill, the owner, is a badass and if you are in Los Angeles and like to shoot shit, go to them. I'm so serious, I'll even go with you. I'm always down to handle a Glock.
I'm sorry, Eddie, whichever one you are. You were also my ex's gun instructor and that would have made things too awkward. Love, IS.
Adrienne says she feels like a cop with her fat, donut-loving partner and after I grant her a small chuckle, I acknowledge my disappointment that she was really set up for a good "Tubs" reference with that one.
So while those two are out pretending to be Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan, Chris takes Rick's fiancée, Nicole, out for sushi, a food she has never tried. And Chris is just excited to have a woman that is down to try something new because lame ol' Adrienne doesn't try anything new ever. What he doesn't like is that Nicole is his age. Total turn-off.
So as the sake flows, Nicole brings up the kid question and Chris finds it funny that every single scene in his life involves dialogue about kids. Well, let me clear it up for you. Your life is basically like this dumb, scripted Truman Show where the producers and story supervisors have decided that this week's theme is children. The only difference is that you're supposed to be in on it.
« Making the Band: Torturing Underprivileged Children | Main | American Idol: TVgasm Pops My Idol Cherry »
Comments (4)
This recap was hilarious IS! I laughed out loud numerous times. This show is so horrendous, and sometimes I put ADS on my list of people I would punch if I could do it and get away with it because she really is one of the worst people on the planet. (although one i watch her, and two i have a running list of people I would punch...so who am i to throw stones!)
Anyways, if you ever see her at the gun range again, give her my best! And keep up the great work!
1 of 4 | Posted by remy111 | Posted on February 15, 2008 7:35 AM
I'm not sure how you did it (what with this show to work with) but you had me laughing. I can't bear to watch the show, but I enjoy your recaps. Good job!
2 of 4 | Posted by mamatl | Posted on February 15, 2008 8:52 PM
Every time I see Adrienne's parents I think of two things:
1. Dad looks like one of Bearstein Bears.
And I like how he just sort of agrees with everything and nods and says Yup..
and
2. Mom back in Joliet always saying "We're good breed man".
3 of 4 | Posted by RHODA | Posted on February 19, 2008 3:02 AM
Slight correction:
Adrienne's dad looks like one of the BERENSTAIN BEARS...The Papa Bear!
4 of 4 | Posted by RHODA | Posted on February 19, 2008 3:11 AM