Everyone's favorite hell on wheels is back! And admit it, you missed her. You couldn't possibly tell me that you'd had enough of Adrienne Curry after ANTM, The Surreal Life and two previous seasons of My Fair Brady. She's just getting started! The flatulence, the vulgarity, the knee jerk reactions, the general immaturity with which she approaches life itself! Expect at least six more seasons. A winning combination of unwavering self-confidence and unchecked emotional imbalance, I have to confess, I could watch this girl read a phone book. Within two seconds she'd be fighting with it and then two seconds later using it to [censored]. Ah, Mrs. Knight. Where would our television sets be without you?
So, of course we get the two minute recap of the previous seasons, which indicate that these two should be going to the Dr. Phil house instead of Vh1. (But Vh1 Celebreality is kind of like one big Dr. Phil house these days, innit?) So what do these individuals have in common again other than they both think Adrienne is hot? Adrienne is screaming and crying in every scene and Christopher Knight is losing the fight fast. A part of me feels for him and then a part of me is like, What a F@cktard. Wow, seeing them makes me feel like maybe the last guy I dated and I have a snowball's chance in hell after all. I only screamed obscenities on the street once. Anyway, after I go through the turbulent Knight-Curry love affair recap: from meeting on that popular dating show The Surreal Life to using their love to create a career in reality television, I realize I am glad these people have found each other. Some men just want to be psychologically abused late in life by a crazy twenty-five year old. I get it.
So we're up to date on their trials and tribulations and the Knights begin the day in their Manhattan Beach condo. (Much love to the MB! Y'all got an awesome Bikram's studio!) So, while Wench (her words, not mine) makes her breakfast, she dishes that she's "the man" in the relationship. Whatever happened to the good old days, where a woman wanted the man to be the man? I find this to entire show to be a fascinating sociological study, since I buy into gender stereotypes like it's 1955. C. Knight sure does dote on her though, so I guess she's doing something right. Watch and learn, ladies. Burping "I love you" cannot be underestimated.
You look so smart when you're concentrating, baby. Your name should be Adrienne Curie.
So the wedding photographer comes over to their house to show them their wedding pictures, which was no doubt arranged by production for the benefit of those poor suckers who watched last season's "journey" to the altar. And I use the term "wedding" loosely because it looks like stills from a Girls Gone WIld shoot. Adrienne trying somehow to get her tits out of her dress? Check. Sucking face with another woman? Check. In this case the woman being another dominatrix of the soul, pro wrestler Chyna Doll. She tells the wedding photog that she "f*cked chicks" growing up.
In the previews we see that this season we are heading fast towards a huge fight (which I'm DYING FOR, people!!) where Chris accuses Adrienne of being a lesbian. Now, I realize that you can hook up with chicks and not be a card-carrying lesbian, but Adrienne talks about how much she likes chicks A LOT. So, for the sake of truth, I am going to conduct an experiment using the Scientific Method. I will test my hypothesis that Adrienne hates men, prefers chicks, and only likes being with men so she can bully them. I will call this the Adrienne Curie Lesbionic Titration and it will basically consist of me creating a running tally of every time she mentions liking girls or hooking up with them. And I will therefore be able to deduce whether or not she is a lesbian. Hard science, y'all! ACLT tally: 1
In case I hadn't mentioned it, I'm the bottom.
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Comments (12)
No one's posted, and while I don't often, I don't want you to think no one read this -- or watches the show for that matter.
Great recap -- the right balance of snark and affection, which is very difficult, given the show. As much as they annoy me more than any other couple on tv, I have to watch their train wreck of a relationship. I'm really glad your recapping it -- it will increase my enjoyment by leaps and bounds. And maybe I won't even have to watch the stupid show!
1 of 12 | Posted by rjfrankel | Posted on January 25, 2008 6:39 PM
I read! I may be late, but I read. My old-enough-to-have-borne-me fiance and I watched last season and loved/hated/loved to hate it.
2 of 12 | Posted by DaffyMaiden | Posted on January 26, 2008 4:00 AM
Thanks for the funny recap!
Yeah, this show is a tue guilty pleasure, very hard for me to admit that I WANT to watch it.
Maybe a baby will calm these two down and help them focus. Eh probably not.
But I'm confused. Who wants a baby and who doesn't? He threatened with the big V word but she wants tits, so noone really wants a baby here or what?
3 of 12 | Posted by Sweetleaf | Posted on January 26, 2008 8:03 AM
hey guys,
thanks for the positive feedback! i'm a sucker for it.
so, yes. wtf? the whole show seemed to be geared towards chris wanting to wait and then we got a "ticking clock" speech in the preview scenes. i got confused too, but i advise not to bring logic to the table here. it'll keep you sane.
and rjfrankel, it's very true that i do have some mad affection for these two. they drive me nutso and i scream at them, but at the end of the day, i'm completely endeared.
xoxog
4 of 12 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on January 26, 2008 9:37 AM
I admit it. I have a girl-crush on Adrienne. I want to go out and drink wine and be catty with her. I'm not ashamed. Okay, maybe a little.
5 of 12 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on January 26, 2008 7:08 PM
Great recap IS.
I am also one of those people who loves to hate and hates to love these two. Actually to be quite honest, I had a huge crush on Peter Brady (face it, that's who he is to us, not this Chris Knight character) right up until I saw the first season of My Fair Brady.
I thought his proposal/prank to AC was really quite cruel. I wanted her to scream in his face and walk out realizing he was just a creep.
Sadly, finding out that she was raped explains SO much about her behavior. If he knows she was raped, he should realize how much that has to do with all her sexual proclivities.
Oops, getting too serious for reality tv talk.
I do think they flip flop on who is and who is not pro-baby. But then it's a very schizophrenic relationship.
6 of 12 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on January 27, 2008 2:29 PM
Knight knew she was bi years ago when she let that rocker chick slobber all over her boobs at another birthday party. He was upset then but it's nothing new!
7 of 12 | Posted by TheHaj | Posted on January 27, 2008 4:16 PM
"Adrienne Curie Lesbionic Titration" LMAO!!
8 of 12 | Posted by lemongurl | Posted on January 27, 2008 6:21 PM
Great recap!! And I too have a love-hate relationship with this couple.
I have to agree that neither really seem to want to have a baby but what else would be the premise of another show?! Also, I'm pretty sure she gets herself a set of "ladies" (boobs not actual women) as seen in recent pics...but who's to say she won't get knocked up too!
9 of 12 | Posted by smolls | Posted on January 28, 2008 12:38 PM
On a side note, I never thought she was that good looking. I also think that Knight only got with her on the Surreal Life to up the chances of getting his own show and more publicity out of it. He's been with way hotter women in his life. Either he's gay or just playing her. Well she's playing him too, for the same reasons.
10 of 12 | Posted by TheHaj | Posted on January 28, 2008 5:56 PM
Adrienne Curie Lesbionic Titration - aka ACLT - you couldn't have thought of an "I" word to put in between Lesbionic and Titration? Infiltrative perhaps? Slip that in there and look at your new acronym.
11 of 12 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on January 29, 2008 3:00 AM
Adrienne Curie Lesbionic INFERRED Titration ;-)
There's your new "I". Clever acronym, wintersux.
12 of 12 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on February 13, 2008 9:44 AM