We pick up where we left off at the photo shoot Adrienne's doing as a birthday gift for her husband and daily punching bag, Christopher Knight. Someone with a sense of humor at Vh1 decided that we needed to be reminded what passes for "artsy" in Adrienne Curry's world. Well played, Vh1. I am indeed LMAO. Although, you get the last laugh because I'm the one watching.

Matthew Barney bites lamé ties, too.

And now we really up the yuk factor because AC decides to elucidate why she and Deal-or-No-Deal Kelly are so damn hot and why Chris has so totally had a least a few private moments thinking about these two. I am going to transcribe it directly because I can't make it any funnier. "All his friends and him always say that we're, like, you know, the double threat when we go out. We're both tall, beautiful, brunette. We look like sisters."

The brainy one.

So our heroine returns home and she doesn't know how she is going to keep this Ultimate Birthday Gift (UBG) a secret. She said she's going to have to learn how to keep her mouth shut till tomorrow night. Nothing gets Adrienne talking like girl-on-girl, but I won't count this for the tally, because the bigger issue at hand is that she can't shut her pie hole. Ever.

At dinner they begin discussing Chris's birthday trip the next day and apparently Chris and Adrienne just met. She just learned this very evening that her husband doesn't like cold weather. She didn't notice before that he, you know, doesn't like freezing his ass off. It takes a while in a relationship to get to those vulnerable weather discussions. But A for effort, because she asks him about twelve times if he doesn't like to "play" in the snow. He's sixty years old! Why are you asking him if he wants to make snow angels with you? Well, Adrienne is "slowly shitting" her pants because genius planned his whole birthday around cold weather. Oops. We'll see if that goes over as well as the Ultimate Birthday Gift. Can't wait!


And now, An Open letter to Producers and Editors of My Fair Brady: Maybe Baby,
Hi, there. I want to preface this by saying really great stuff so far this season. Just a quick note to make things a little less vom-inducing. We, your loyal viewing community, do not need a scene each episode of Adrienne and Chris waking up with Chris licking or kissing Adrienne's back and Adrienne commenting about his "dragon breath". If you take Adrienne's disgust for dragon breath and multiply it by 1,000, then you are beginning to approach our disgust for having to see them play this out each episode. Seeing as this only the second episode, I know you can make this right and fill that time with, I don't know, footage of Adrienne running over small children in her SUV. That's way funnier. Please never put any ideas in our heads again about what Christopher Knight's breath smells like in the morning. Other than that, you really could not gild the lily.
Sincerely,
The Internet Sensation

Happy 49th Birthday, Mr. Curry! You get to play in the snow today!

Adrienne and Chris are driving out to Big Bear, a nice day trip from Los Angeles. Now it is probably only a two or three hour drive out there, but I can't imagine spending ten minutes in the car with these two. Not only does Adrienne once again almost run people over, she likes to rehash old arguments when she drives. Fun!

The producers reminded them again they have a procreation issue at hand (because we all know there's no way Adrienne could remember that when her one track mind is focused on keeping the UBG a secret.) And this is when I think Chris might not be so bad because apparently he has told Adrienne they should not procreate for the following reasons: She would be a bad mother. She can't cook, can't clean, can't take care of anything. He would be a bad father. Their children should be taken away by the state.

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