I have yet to see any actual previews for this show, so I had to do a little detective work (turns out I'm kind of a super-sleuth). I came across a couple of interviews as well as a video of a photo-shoot the whole cast did. What do I think of it so far? Umm... let's just say I still have no idea how the show is going to go or what the cast is like. Even the blurbs I found were about as helpful as a stick of butter when trying to ward off one of those little dinos in Jurassic Park that are super cute until they go all poison-spitting on you (Fact: the Dilophosaurus LOVES butter). But have no fear, Pach is here! Here to rip on the people who have thrown themselves into the public eye where they will surely get torn to shreds.

I swear, it's margarine!

First up we have Chuck Wicks, who is so obviously trying to look sexy and brooding in this picture. He is, actually, pretty easy on the eyes. Meaning he'll either be a huge douche-bag on the show or the love of my life.

My money's on douche.

The Chuckster is a 28-year-old singer/songwriter from Delaware who claims to write about 100 songs a year. Big deal, I could write 1,000 songs a year if I wanted to, here's one now:

"Sittin' here at my work desk
Waitin' for a good old T-Rex
A T-Rex to be my best friend
But not just a friend
A friend till the end"

Bla-DOW! And that's just the chorus. It's meant to be sung in falsetto and is set to a tune that's pretty kick-ass. Come on, Chuckster, "T-Rex Express" is solid proof that it doesn't matter how many songs you write if none of them are good. PS: sorry about the dino kick, once I get started...

Next up we have Clint Moseley. He is VP of Sales and Acquisitions at his fathers business where they, get this, buy and sell private jets. How cool is that?! Dude, F the music industry, we're talking jets! You better believe I'd be all, "Hey, Pops, I'm bored, I'm going to take a jet for a test-fly, mmkay?" He has also been in music videos, on The O.C., and in the upcoming box-office bomb Balls of Fury. Yikes. Aside from the fact that he looks like everything I generally tend to avoid in a guy, he has a part in Balls of Fury. It has got to hurt to be in such a bad movie, it just has to.

Hey, Clint, I'll trade you the rights to "T-Rex Express" for a jet, whaddya say?

Our next cast member is Jamey Johnson, an ex-marine and successful singer/songwriter. I was almost 100% sold at the ex-marine part (because, come on. Marines are hot) until I saw that he wrote the hit song "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk." Oh. My. God!!! Honky Tonk Badonkadonk?!?! How deliciously country! How Southern Trashtastical! The title alone is positively oozing stereotypes. Feel privileged, gasmi, you will be seeing a master in action. We get to spend a whole season with the man behind such fine lyrics as "Shut my mouth, slap your grandma," and "Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on that honky tonk badonkadonk." He also has a 3-year-old daughter, which means he's been Honky Tonk Badonkadonk-ing all over town, HIYO! Oh man, I am sorry, it's just so fun to say!

Ready to honky tonk your pants off

There's not much to say about Jeff Allen,except that he looks like a kewpie Doll. A kewpie doll with lustrous brown locks and a goatee. I bet he'll be the token "nice guy." Or, the spawn of Satan. Tough call. Jeff is, no surprise here, a singer/songwriter as well, but without the sparkling credentials of Mr. Jamey Johnson. Booooring!

Free Hugs till 4

« The Hills: Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Brody Right Over | | Big Brother: Janelle-O-Vision Also Apparently Makes Dick Attractive »

Posted in Nashville by Pachita at 3:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Last Comment: hellokitty on Sep 7, 2007 03:51 PM.

Comments (7)

NightWalker :

I wrote a country song,
it didn't take me too long.
(add guitar, & repeat)
(c)2007 B.J. Blowhardt

Seriouslyu... attractive people, if nothing else.

1 of 7 | Posted by NightWalker | Posted on September 5, 2007 3:43 PM

hejohnsonvc :

Oh my god I got sucked into the same movie! What's with teenagers these days and the orgiastic sex clubs? When they were all having sex in someone's living room, I kept thinking "where are their parents??" Made me feel old, damnit. Creepy ass movie.

2 of 7 | Posted by hejohnsonvc | Posted on September 5, 2007 6:28 PM

hejohnsonvc :

Oh my god I got sucked into the same movie! What's with teenagers these days and the orgiastic sex clubs? When they were all having sex in someone's living room, I kept thinking "where are their parents??" Made me feel old, damnit. Creepy ass movie.

3 of 7 | Posted by hejohnsonvc | Posted on September 5, 2007 6:31 PM

aloveaffairwithtivo :

"Guns" does look older than 22, but so does Amish Lindsay...she looks way older than 21. Might be a bad picture...

4 of 7 | Posted by aloveaffairwithtivo | Posted on September 6, 2007 7:46 AM

Pachita :

Ohmigosh, hejohnsonvc - I am so glad someone else actually saw that. It was RIDICULOUS. My theory is that the Lifetime Network has major subliminal messages seeded through their programs that force you to sit through all their movies. Its the only logical explanation for my watching the entire thing.

5 of 7 | Posted by Pachita | Posted on September 6, 2007 7:58 AM

hejohnsonvc :

Must be subliminal messages. 'Cause there's no way that I watched it because I was sitting on my ass most of the weekend with nothing better to do... Yeah.

6 of 7 | Posted by hejohnsonvc | Posted on September 6, 2007 11:47 AM

hellokitty :

pachita, i just gotta say, you're freakin' funny. i can't wait to read your recaps. this show sounds kinda lame, but i'm curious to watch it since i live in nashville.

7 of 7 | Posted by hellokitty | Posted on September 7, 2007 3:51 PM

User Name		Need to Register with our Forums section? Then click here
Password

Back to Recaps

Post a comment

344