TVgasm Recaps

New York Goes To Work. Wow. So in a nutshell, each week New York will be performing one of three possible jobs. The one she has to do will be decided by viewers voting. (They're charging for the voting!! A dollar per vote.) If she does the job correctly, she gets ten grand. If she doesn't, she gets nuthin'. Sounds simple, no?

To get myself in the mood for this week's episode of New York Goes To Work, I just polished off an entire bag of Grandpa John's Pork Cracklin' Strips. Now seasoned with cayenne pepper. Mmmmmmmm. If you have never had pork cracklin' before, you should definitely give it a try. Just be sure to have the phone nearby in case you need to dial 911.

If you haven't guessed yet, New York's job this week will be pig farmer!

This show is killing me! To help speed the process along, I've decided to mirror New York's job each week as I write my recap. Last week, it was eating an entire bag of pork cracklin'. This week, I'll be writing my recap au natural - all I can say is be happy you can't see it, and I apologize if you are my neighbor. Shit! I have to go turn the AC off.

In case you haven't guessed, this week New York Goes To Work at the nudist resort.

Uh, Lady? That smilie face is tying to give your husband a blow job. 

In honor of this week's job on New York Goes to Work, I busted out my old Ouija board, and asked it a few questions. I was looking for some answers. Question #1: Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? It ignored me. Hmmm. Question #2: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? No answer. ***Shakes it***. Is this thing broken? NOOOOOOO. Oh. Okay. Question #3: When is this show gonna get cancelled?

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Save yourselves!!!!!! 

This week New York Goes to Work as an exotic animal trainer. Gee, I never woulda guessed. So I tried to mirror the exotic animal trainer job, I really did. I found a circus, and sought out their trainer, but he was too busy trying to keep his face from being chewed off.

Have I told you lately that I hate this show? Have I told you it makes me want to die? It takes away all my laughter, makes me want to swing from the rafters, or maybe just stick a fork in my thigh. This week New York Goes to Work as a doggie day care worker. To shadow this job I decided to babysit my parents' cute little beagle, Sasha for an evening.  Bitch pooped on my carpet, broke into my pantry and ate everything she could scoff down in thirty seconds, peed in my favorite pair of shoes and scratched up my doors. There's a reason I don't have a dog. In fact there's at least four right there. 

Don't let the cute face fool ya. This is a Devil Dog. 

I'm sure you've guessed as much from the title, but I'll tell ya anyway......this week New York Goes to Work as a clown! Now I know I asked for this last week, but I sort of had second thoughts. I mean, clowns have always creeped me out. Ever since that fucker in the Poltergeist movie.

I may start having nightmares again. 

I had JUST sworn off fast food Gasmi. I'm on a diet goddammit!! And then I heard the news: this week New York Goes To Work as a fast food employee. Well, I had to do my research, right? What happened next, well, let's just say this was the appetizer.........

 My ass thanks VH1 

Well Gasmi, it's finally here! Tonight is the season (and hopefully SERIES) finale of New York Goes To Work! WOO HOO!! I can't say I'm sorry to see this one end, I gotta tell ya, and the fact that they've decided the finale should be AN HOUR LONG and not feature a job to vote on is B-O-G-U-S. 

They couldn't come up with anything better than this?!? 

In order to prepare myself for this week's "job" I decided it would be a good idea to punch myself in the face over and over and over and over. Truth be told, I was hoping to give myself a concussion so that I could tell Flipit he needed to get someone else to write this. Sadly, a concussion doesn't appear to be valid excuse for not writing your recap. DAMN.