This week New York Goes to Work as an exotic animal trainer. Gee, I never woulda guessed. So I tried to mirror the exotic animal trainer job, I really did. I found a circus, and sought out their trainer, but he was too busy trying to keep his face from being chewed off.
So I decided to train a different kind of exotic animal. I'd heard these were high;y trainable, so I loaded up on dolla bills, and headed out to the place that I heard they could be found. It was a wild success!
Down Boy.
New York wants to win that paycheck this week. When she finds out the job is exotic animal trainer, she is so excited.
What the hell is wrong wich'all?!?
So she's arrived at Amazing Animal Productions. You can tell she's freaked out because she can't even get her lines right. "No, no, no, no. I don't want no lion mountain eatin me." Heeheehee. And then she says she knows they like dark meat. Bwahahaha. If she was this funny all the time I might actually enjoy this show.
The owner Sid looks on in disgust as New York tries to run up a muddy hill in spike heels and a miniskirt. She calls up to him asking if he's gonna help her and he says, "Negative. You're here for a job." I think I like Sid already. He tells us that this is one of the most dangerous jobs in the world, and New York is going to have to earn that money. Yep. I'm liking Sid alright.
As Sid is giving the opening spiel, New York catches sight of something that makes her squeal. Actually, she doesn't squeal so much as cry and carry on like a baby. She thinks it a big ass hairy mouse or something. It is in fact a pot bellied pig.
You think I'm scary? Take a look in the mirror bitch!
Sid has noticed already that calm is not in New York's vocabulary. Wow, Sid. You're good. I could have never figured that out so quickly. I love that he has absolutely no sympathy for her as he tells her to relax. He tells her that they're miniature teacup pot bellied pigs, and New York wants to know if they're part rat.
On my mudda's side, we don't like to talk about it.
As Sid leads her inside to meet the rest of the staff, he tells us that the animals they'll be working with today are carnivores, and if she acts afraid they'll sense it. "She'll become prey, and it won't be pretty." He is so fucking serious, man.
At Amazing Animals they teach and train all types of animals like bears, lions, wolves, tigers. The most dangerous animals in the world. Where do the miniature teacup pot bellied pigs fit in? He tells her it's important for her to remember that these animals have the ability to dismember or kill her.
Ugh. I am soooo not in the mood to be dismembered today.
Sid introduces her to the team she'll be working with today. There's Trevor, JJ and Tracy. She'll work with Trevor training a four hundred pound male African lion named Romeo, a hawk with JJ and Tracy, and last but not least, she'll be working with Sid himself and Sheer Khan the tiger.
Sid tells her if she's got what it takes she'll get the check. New York likes the sound of that. BUT if she doesn't succeed with the tasks today she'll be taking a walk out of there and will never be asked back again. Oh, and no check. Sid means business. Trevor tells her this is her last chance. If she turns her back on the cat one more time it'll be marked as a fail.
Sid sends New York off to get changed into her khakis. She hopes the khakis are "toof proof". Who writes her lines? Once she's all suited up, they're ready to start the day. They head over to where Trevor and Romeo are and New York wants to know if Romeo can smell blood. Sid continues to be awesome. "Of course." New York says, "Maxi pads, please don't fail me now." Yeah. That was a bit of an over share there, New York.
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Comments (4)
I think the guy should have told her -why- she shouldn't turn her back on the cat. Because it might trigger the chase-your-ass-and-kill-you instinct. Maybe then it would have sunk in. Then again, maybe not.
I agree that this show is boring as hell. I mean everyshow is exactly the same: She has to do a task, she cries/screams/refuses, later, rinse repeat. This should have been a 1 time special not a series.
1 of 4 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on June 5, 2009 5:47 AM
The only one of these shows I actually enjoyed was the one where she was at the nudist resort, because she acted somewhat human there and was not screaming in terror the whole time.
2 of 4 | Posted by wintersux | Posted on June 5, 2009 7:01 AM
OMG Ty so much for such an awesome recap - im at work and you had me laughing and smiling all the way through - but when i read this:
"and now she's crying. Like really really crying. And for a minute I feel bad for her. And it passes. It may have been gas I think. Sid tells her she did everything right except for dropping the dang bait stick. "When you're done crying and wetting your pants and whatever you're doing, we're gonna do it again." Have I mentioned that Sid is awesome?"
I busted out with such a loud laugh that i had coworkers looking at me like i needed to be put in a straight jacket :)
Thanks again! you are awesome! :)
3 of 4 | Posted by Rebecca1968 | Posted on June 5, 2009 10:01 AM
Snootchy Bootches: It probably wouldn't have sunk in. I completely agree that this should have been a one time special.
wintersux: It was nice to have one episode that didn't consist of her screaming and crying. Although I think my favorite was the ghost episode for some reason I found that one to be pretty hilarious.
Rebecca1968: Thanks so much! I've let out a few of those in my time - I usually try to pretend I'm choking, but it never seems to work!
Thanks everyone for reading and commenting!
SWAK, PottyMouth
4 of 4 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on June 8, 2009 7:17 AM